AIBU to say no to neighbours using my garden daily during heatwave?

[notanEverydayThing]

AIBU to say no to neighbours about dc playing in my garden every day this week?

I live in an end terrace house there’s a gate onto a small lane and then a block of flats , I know a couple of the families as the dc go to the same school. They have a small shared grass area behind the flats but it’s not totally enclosed and a bit over grown / messy.

Yesterday I had the paddling pool and splash thing out for my dc and invited the neighbours round . I’ve set it up again today and on the way home they asked can they come again and I said ‘not today sorry but maybe on Friday ?’ One of the mums said ‘but it’s boiling !’ I said I know but I wanted to just have a quiet afternoon/ evening and I have work tomorrow and Thu to which she said ‘so you won’t be there at all? Can we use the garden / pool on those days?’ I said no !!!! I feel she’s being rude! I said happy Friday for everyone to come over again after school but she tutted and walked off

I know it’s hot but I don’t want them here everyday and especially when I’m not home tomorrow and Thursday!!!

Well you might be happy with neighbourhood kids using your garden as a park but most people wouldn't be.

And maybe you could offer them the use of your car, when you're not using it?!

She is rude and entitled, trying to manipulate you to go against your wishes when you were being more than generous.

Closed answer like no, is the best answer to give without explanation as it is harder for them to wriggle out of.

I’ve posted above that I grew up in a block of flats where our garden space was one of the few properly cultivated - the rest were left to weeds.

Dad had to put a lock on our gate to keep out the neighbours after one of their kids defecated in my sand pit.

It was never replaced, which is why I remember.

They’d soon change their mind if a CF impinged on their enjoyment of a space they valued.

This.
I don’t want to be mean but I think it’s a bit dodgy to have children using your paddling pool in your garden when you are not there. The parents might not supervise to your standards.

She was rude - red flag!

they have a communal bit of grass but it’s untidy - tidy it up then - if need be find a few pallets for a fence!

It sounds like her neighbour would take a foot if you gave her an inch, and with summer holidays coming you don’t want to end up with her in your face for six weeks - The neighbour just has to use the resources she has.

I bet in a million years you'd never let a CF neighbour use your garden/pool constantly when you were there/not there 🤣🤣 Please do tell us about a time this has happened to you

I think I've met her.
Is her name Ms Lox
by any chance ?
Goldie Lox ??

Given the experience with my sand pit (see post above), I'd not allow it - particularly given all the times our local swimming pool has been closed because of a 'code brown'. That's in spite of the notices instructing parents to make sure that toddlers are wearing swim nappies if they're not toilet trained.

Yes indeed - I wonder how many of them have put their money where their mouth is and spontaneously invited their neighbours' kids over to make free use of their garden when they're out?

If they haven't done that, they shouldn't be advising anyone else to.

Also, it's sometimes awkward enough with your children's friends, but these children aren't necessarily their friends and I think that's unfair on the 'home' children - it's their safe space.

My children were quiet, gentle types and they would have hated an invasion by random, loud, boisterous neighbours' children, especially uninvited.

Bluntly, unless the neighbours with the messy communal garden are disabled or elderly and therefore unable to look after their space, then they’re unlikely to take good care of the OP’s… and yes, I’m speaking as someone trying to get on top of my own garden.

I get that some of the neighbours might be unable to work on the garden, but that surely can’t be the case for all of them.

How did it go after school today, did you cancel Friday?

No is a complete sentence

Get cameras on and padlock the gate and get some tresspassing signs put up and some about security cameras as well. Shevis an entitled and cheeky bitch.

Good grief, some people. When Farage et al go all racist I always think of people like this woman, invariably white. 🙄

Not her responsibilty and that woman is being cheeky

I did this one summer, allowed my children’s friends in for an afternoon in the pool. It is quite exhausting looking after other peoples kids and the next day we just wanted a rest. Lo and behold one of the children turned up on the doorstep T 8 am, with her towel over her shoulder asking if she could play in the pool. Reluctantly I allowed her, but aware my children didn’t particularly get on with her that well. I gave her lunch as well and actually had to tell her to go home at 5. She asked if she come over the next day, said no. Not long after that I overheard her calling my children the n word (they are mixed race). Safe to say she never had anything to do with my children again.

btw you are NOT being unreasonable.

Despite your post being made with the best of intentions & sympathetic to the OPs neighbour I can't help taking umbrage when I read posters referring to flat dwellers as stuck in there. After downsizing from a huge family home we bought a top floor flat contained in 4 acres of shared well kept grounds surrounded by mature trees & the most beautiful plants. The added bonus is having regular ground keepers we don't have to lift a finger. We have a lovely big balcony with great views to the sea. I wouldn't return to a big house with a garden & all the work it involves. It's wrong to generalise about people living in a flat. Some blocks of flats are admittedly not family friendly but people shouldn't generalise and use statements which insinuate its must be awful living in a flat 🙄

Yeah you don’t want to invite them around again! Also, if they come around then you’re not there and something happens to their child, they’ll blame you. Totally unreasonable and I’d stay as far away as possible.

It is hard to set boundaries when you would much rather be kind and generous.
But there are some people who do take advantage.
You have to decide where your line is finally drawn.
I'm currently dealing with the outfall of someone I was far too generous with (of time, hospitality, trust, etc). Now I'm going to have to clearly lay down the boundary that says: "That was enough. There will be no more. Goodbye".
It won't go down well. That's how it is.
Good luck OP. Stand by your own boundaries.

@notanEverydayThing they could tidy up their own bit of grassy area and make it a bit more secure. Buy a pool and they can play every day. Just ensure no one is accessing your garden whilst you're work.

I agree with this imagine if she didnt supervise them and anything happened. I too would empty it although you shouldn't have too

Put a padlock on the gate so they can't wander in whenever they feel like it