AIBU to say no to neighbours using my garden daily during heatwave?

[notanEverydayThing]

AIBU to say no to neighbours about dc playing in my garden every day this week?

I live in an end terrace house there’s a gate onto a small lane and then a block of flats , I know a couple of the families as the dc go to the same school. They have a small shared grass area behind the flats but it’s not totally enclosed and a bit over grown / messy.

Yesterday I had the paddling pool and splash thing out for my dc and invited the neighbours round . I’ve set it up again today and on the way home they asked can they come again and I said ‘not today sorry but maybe on Friday ?’ One of the mums said ‘but it’s boiling !’ I said I know but I wanted to just have a quiet afternoon/ evening and I have work tomorrow and Thu to which she said ‘so you won’t be there at all? Can we use the garden / pool on those days?’ I said no !!!! I feel she’s being rude! I said happy Friday for everyone to come over again after school but she tutted and walked off

I know it’s hot but I don’t want them here everyday and especially when I’m not home tomorrow and Thursday!!!

What do you lose by letting them use the garden when you're not there? They won't be disturbing you or going inside your home.
I think its really mean to say no.
I know English people (I am one of them) tend to be more territorial about their homes and gardens than the rest of the world but its not a good trait.
Often with these things, to use a quote, you give an inch and they take a mile'can happen.
Once you've allowed something onve, it becomes expected thst they can do so.ethi g repeatedly and it becomes ' their right' in their mind.

nonsense. you can just say no to requests to shit in your loo, or bathe in your tub, or cook in your kitchen- things that are ACTUALLY unreasonable requests.🙄

Don't. You don't need to salve your conscience as you've nothing to feel bad about.

Demanding to use someone else's garden and then tutting when you don't like the answer and they have already allowed you to use their garden once and were even happy to allow it again on Friday isn't a good trait.

There's nothing wrong with refusing to allow someone to take advantage of you and that is what is starting to happen.

They have a patch of grass. They can use that for a pool.

This basically in a nutshell. If it’s a small patch of grass it would take someone 5 mins to tidy it up. Paddling pools are like £20.

Make sure you put a paddlock on your gate or they’ll be in your garden for sure.

This!

nonsense. you can just say no to requests to shit in your loo, or bathe in your tub, or cook in your kitchen- things that are ACTUALLY unreasonable requests.🙄
You do you, but I wouldnt want people in my property when im not there to supervise or becaware of going on., whether its being a noise nuisance with music or kids breaking garden furniture. Not all neighbours are considerate,I've had a lifetime of expierencing that.

What does the opposite to being territorial about your private property look like, I wonder?
Opening it up as a community space? Allowing disadvantaged people to sleep in your spare bedroom? Running a soup kitchen?
Fascinating viewpoint. Usually the mindset of people who want what others have, rather than those wanting to share what they have with others, I imagine.

I'm sorry to say but you are sounding like a total mug.

Say no to Friday. Don't offer the paddling pool.

It's like teaching children, rudeness does not get you want you want. She needs teaching please and thank you, it's on your head if she starts walking all over you.

Totally naive comment.

Owners have liability for what happens on their 'territory'. OP would end up supervising this woman's children - in fact, I bet that's what she's expecting. Then they'd need to use the loo, then they'd start exploring the house and basically making it their territory. OP's life wouldn't be her own.

I used to be a big People Pleaser and long ago I had a cheeky neighbour like this. I had a baby and a toddler and her children were all in the 3-7 range and completely feral. She asked and asked and hinted about them coming over to play both in the garden and house. It was really hard for me to keep ignoring the blatant hints and outright requests (I cringed with guilt and embarrassment) but oh boy, I was so thankful I held out. She would have sent them knocking every day, they would have rushed past me into the house, upstairs, getting toys out etc etc. My children wouldn't have played with them - wrong ages, and also, my daughter was shy and actually scared of these really loud children. It would have been upsetting for my kids to have lost their safe space to next door's brood.

Hold out, OP. Much easier to say no now than to have a big bust up later when things go wrong, which they surely would!

This

It's "low" to ask OP for use of her garden/paddling pool when she won't be home...

Do you trust this very pushy, ungrateful person to replace the paddling pool if it gets broken by her kids, to not threaten to sue you if her kids get injured in your garden while you are not there, to not make a huge row that upsets the other neighbours. If the answers to any of those is 'no' - well keep sticking to your answer and make sure they can't sneak in.

No, not this.
During the lockdowns people didn’t have access to parks and public spaces, it was a completely different time.
There’s currently nothing to stop this person taking her kids to a park / swimming pool / leisure centre rather than sitting inside in her flat.
Or if too lazy to do that, sit outside on the green space attached to the flat.

and OP already HAS helped and she got nothing but rudeness in return.

What do you lose by letting them use the garden when you're not there? They won't be disturbing you or going inside your home.
I think its really mean to say no.
I know English people (I am one of them) tend to be more territorial about their homes and gardens than the rest of the world but its not a good trait.

Seriously?? So we go on holiday in a few weeks' time, would it be ok for the neighbours to use my garden and BBQ while we're away? Or park in our garage as our car will be at the airport? Or do a few homeless people want to sleep in the house?

This rather reminds me of someone i knew who went to live in a camper van, to be off grid, and 'opt out of the system' but he still wanted to use the facilities of those who contributed to 'the system', ie showers, a washing machine, and the use of a postal address for his bank!!!

If I've paid for something, then yes I am territorial about it!!!!

Enough with the "Superior Other Country Syndrome" it's so boring and usually a load of bollocks. People in other countries are not letting people have free rein over their properties.

It's like the people claiming that other countries all carry on as normal in much hotter weather than ours. A quick look at the French news will tell you they've shut over 800 schools.

It's like the people claiming that other countries all carry on as normal in much hotter weather than ours. A quick look at the French news will tell you they've shut over 800 schools.

I was in Greece in July 2023 when there was a southern Mediterranean heatwave - all manner of things were closed.

I just love the MN virtue-signalling posters, guaranteed to turn up on any thread where there is an opportunity to polish a halo

Of course there will always be those who are not able to understand the point being raised and those who have the same thought process as the cheeky neighbour's...

editing to say sorry i quoted the wrong person!!

Bourneyesterday · Yesterday 19:34
Yeah yeah it's not your fault they don't have a garden and your garden is yours and so on but really would it hurt you to make a child happy and let them use your garden when you are not in? I wouldn't let them in without a parent when the paddling pool is out but if they bring a parent or when there is no paddling pool I would be glad someone was getting the use from the garden when I wasn't in.
And if you're not in, how are you going to enforce that a parent will be with the child? This woman sounds the sort to let her child into the garden and leave it. Then complain there's no-one there to look after it!

This!

That'll start a precedent though, the mother is already entitled, Op could come home to find a host of children, friends and relatives in her garden possibly trashing the place.
Entitled people aren't known for taking care with others belongings.