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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my friend should mind her own business?

331 replies

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 10:05

Last month I spent £540 in going out. That does not include when we go out as a family and my husband pays. I wanted a new handbag as I was running shot and didn't want to dip in savings so hinted to my husband and he gave me the money towards it. My friend said that it was unreasonable of me to do so.
She is saying that I should stop going out so much and should have left it till when I have the money. I am actually upset by the way she said it and told her as much and she is saying that I am acting like a spoilt 'bitch' - her exact words.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she should mind her own business!

OP posts:
JHound · 22/06/2026 12:29

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:20

@JHound IKR - posters are just focussing on this calling me names - no self-respect, lowering myself etc which I find weird as husbands and wives should do nice things for each other

The comments about you waiting till you could afford it instead of asking your husband are oddest of all. It’s all joint wealth at the end of the day. If he was not ok giving you the money he would have said no.

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:31

Blueradiators · 22/06/2026 12:26

God, read the fucking room.

There is a cost of living crisis. And you're upset that your friend made one acidic comment about your spending habits.

So what if there is a cost of living crisis?

Although it shows my suspicion that the tone of comments is due to poster envy of OP’s financials is correct

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:33

Jammiesdodger · 22/06/2026 10:19

You didnt cook for a whole week? Why not?

Not everybody enjoys cooking. If I was super wealthy I would never cook another day in my life.

TheCurious0range · 22/06/2026 12:36

This cannot be real. It rings too many MN bells.
IKR?.... Throw in a hun and OP will really have jumped the shark

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:38

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:33

Not everybody enjoys cooking. If I was super wealthy I would never cook another day in my life.

I hate cooking! boring and knowing what to cook is the worst part. My husband loves cooking - its a win win.
He hates doing laundry and ironing for example and I always do that.

OP posts:
TorroFerney · 22/06/2026 12:38

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 11:03

I am genuinely wondering why people think that hinting about something is not acceptable?
Would it have been more acceptable if I did it with my mum instead of my husband?

self respect that’s why. It’s embarrassing and child like

SandyHappy · 22/06/2026 12:39

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:03

@purplecorkheart - I technically can afford it

This is the crux of the issue though isn't it.

You can afford it, you aren't broke and you didn't even need the handbag.

I still think it is completely cringe to 'hint' at your husband that you want something when you have run out of your money at the end of the month, knowing you are sitting on a lot of personal savings, you have to play this weird pantomime of telling him you are out of money before he agrees to give you what you want, instead of just asking him for it, but it is obviously something that is completely normal in your marriage, it has to be him 'offering' rather than you 'asking' and the only way to get him to offer is do this song and dance.

Personally I'd rather go without than have to go through that rigmarole, so I'm not surprised your friend sees you wasting your money, then 'playing' your husband to get him to buy you something you don't even need, as pretty spoilt behaviour.

scoobysnaxx · 22/06/2026 12:39

God I can tell exactly what type of mum you are at the school gate

DressOrSkirt · 22/06/2026 12:40

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:17

@Cloudconfusion - like I said, I just thought she was unreasonable because she is also like this. She spends money going out, buys nice things etc, then turns round and calls me spoilt. I did tell her that I thought she was being mean.

Lots of people spend lots of money without acting spoilt. It's the way you have gone about it (complaining you are broke and hinting at your husband to buy you things) that makes you seem spoilt.

Even if you don't agree with her, it's her opinion and you gave her all the information without her asking so you don't really have a leg to stand on telling her to mind her own business.

ForeverPombear · 22/06/2026 12:40

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:33

Not everybody enjoys cooking. If I was super wealthy I would never cook another day in my life.

Isn't that the point though - she couldn't really afford it because it left her with no money? Then the friend called her spoilt because she spent all her money and went hinting to her husband - who got it for her.

Definition of spoiled:

  1. Damaged or Decayed (Food/Objects)
When applied to perishable items, "spoiled" (or "spoilt" in British English) means the item has decayed, soured, or become unfit for consumption. 1, 2] Example: “Don’t drink that milk, it's already spoiled.” It can also refer to things, plans, or documents that have been ruined or made unusable. 1, 2] Example: “The heavy rain spoiled our plans for a picnic.”
  1. Pampered or Over-Indulged (People)
When referring to a person, being spoiled implies they have been treated so well—often given everything they want or allowed unrestrained freedom—that they develop an entitled, selfish, or unpleasant disposition. 1, 2] Example: “Because his parents gave in to his every demand, he grew up to be a completely spoiled child.”
  1. Being Well-Treated
Conversely, this term can also be used affectionately to describe someone who is being pampered, indulged, or treated exceptionally well. 1, 2] Example: “On my birthday, my partner really spoiled me with gifts and a fancy dinner.”

-- I think 2 and definitely 3 fit

spoiled

1. past simple and past participle of spoil 2. Someone, especially a child…

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/spoiled

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:41

scoobysnaxx · 22/06/2026 12:39

God I can tell exactly what type of mum you are at the school gate

Please enlighten me - you sound very judgemental.

OP posts:
SandyHappy · 22/06/2026 12:44

TorroFerney · 22/06/2026 12:38

self respect that’s why. It’s embarrassing and child like

Exactly, not to mention performative.

Like meeting up with a friend, then at lunchtime saying, "oh I'm SOOO hungry, I wish I had bought out some money for lunch".. waits patiently for them to offer to pay.

OP doing this to get extra money out of her husband, rather than dip into her savings, should not be anything to be proud of IMO.

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:47

@SandyHappy who goes for a meal and not bring any money - if you are giving examples - give credible ones.
His money is my money - isnt that what everyone on MN says?

OP posts:
DressOrSkirt · 22/06/2026 12:48

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:47

@SandyHappy who goes for a meal and not bring any money - if you are giving examples - give credible ones.
His money is my money - isnt that what everyone on MN says?

It depends on the setup. But if it's joint money then why did you ask hint, and not just buy it? That only makes it more performative.

SwatTheTwit · 22/06/2026 12:48

YABU because if you don’t want feedback, don’t volunteer this type of information.

You both sound vapid though lol either that or this post……… 🎣🎣🎣🎣

Duvetdayforme · 22/06/2026 12:49

You sound as shallow as each other tbh

Didimum · 22/06/2026 12:50

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:31

So what if there is a cost of living crisis?

Although it shows my suspicion that the tone of comments is due to poster envy of OP’s financials is correct

Yep, another MN pile on just because someone has money.

This wouldn't have happened if the OP had spent £30 on one takeaway and her husband had spotted her an extra £10 for a handbag for an upcoming wedding.

Gross.

The question is the question, regardless of the amounts of money involved. Especially when one's 'friend' is calling you a 'spoiled bitch'.

SandyHappy · 22/06/2026 12:50

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:47

@SandyHappy who goes for a meal and not bring any money - if you are giving examples - give credible ones.
His money is my money - isnt that what everyone on MN says?

His money is my money - isnt that what everyone on MN says?

So why do you even have to 'hint' at him, or tell him you 'can't afford' something? Surely if his money is your money you would just buy what you wanted when you wanted it?

Why go through the performance of 'hinting' at all?

Didimum · 22/06/2026 12:51

SandyHappy · 22/06/2026 12:50

His money is my money - isnt that what everyone on MN says?

So why do you even have to 'hint' at him, or tell him you 'can't afford' something? Surely if his money is your money you would just buy what you wanted when you wanted it?

Why go through the performance of 'hinting' at all?

Because it sounds like they have separate accounts – hence him giving OP his card.

SandyHappy · 22/06/2026 12:52

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:47

@SandyHappy who goes for a meal and not bring any money - if you are giving examples - give credible ones.
His money is my money - isnt that what everyone on MN says?

Okay, how about this instead:

Like meeting up with a friend, then at lunchtime saying, "oh I'm SOOO hungry, I wish I could afford lunch".. waits patiently for them to offer to pay.

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 12:52

Didimum · 22/06/2026 12:50

Yep, another MN pile on just because someone has money.

This wouldn't have happened if the OP had spent £30 on one takeaway and her husband had spotted her an extra £10 for a handbag for an upcoming wedding.

Gross.

The question is the question, regardless of the amounts of money involved. Especially when one's 'friend' is calling you a 'spoiled bitch'.

Yes - that is exactly my point but majority of posters missed my point.

OP posts:
ForeverPombear · 22/06/2026 12:52

Didimum · 22/06/2026 12:50

Yep, another MN pile on just because someone has money.

This wouldn't have happened if the OP had spent £30 on one takeaway and her husband had spotted her an extra £10 for a handbag for an upcoming wedding.

Gross.

The question is the question, regardless of the amounts of money involved. Especially when one's 'friend' is calling you a 'spoiled bitch'.

I do agree with some of it being jealousy but I think in your example if the OP had spent £30 on takeaway when she didn't have to and could have cooked at home but spent it and left nothing for a £10 she needed for a wedding, I do think comments would have been the same.

It is the same regardless of the price.

rainingsnoring · 22/06/2026 12:54

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:28

I don’t think anybody has to be ok with unsolicited opinions.

How is it an unsolicited opinion when the OP has literally started a thread on AIBU to ask for opinions?! Still, I think this is made up.

BauhausOfEliott · 22/06/2026 12:55

Some very weird judgements appearing in this thread!

People can spend their money on whatever they like, and their partners can also decide if they want to buy them something now and again

It is none of the OP's friend's business, and it's none of the business of anyone on Mumsnet either.

All the 'You didn't cook for a week???????' shock etc is hilarious. So what if she didn't cook for a week? What's it got to do with anyone else? Why is not cooking for a week and treating her kids to some meals out considered some sort of moral failure?

Whatever you all think about the rights and wrongs of discussing money with friends, calling someone 'a spoilt bitch' is an extremely unpleasant and unnecessary reaction to someone spending their own money and getting a present from their husband.

JHound · 22/06/2026 12:57

rainingsnoring · 22/06/2026 12:54

How is it an unsolicited opinion when the OP has literally started a thread on AIBU to ask for opinions?! Still, I think this is made up.

Her friend.

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