AIBU to think my friend should mind her own business?

[MounjaMum]

Last month I spent £540 in going out. That does not include when we go out as a family and my husband pays. I wanted a new handbag as I was running shot and didn't want to dip in savings so hinted to my husband and he gave me the money towards it. My friend said that it was unreasonable of me to do so.
She is saying that I should stop going out so much and should have left it till when I have the money. I am actually upset by the way she said it and told her as much and she is saying that I am acting like a spoilt 'bitch' - her exact words.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she should mind her own business!

People are not very kind anymore.
@Isittimeformynapyet you are just picking on things to put me down. 'treating ourselves' -exactly what my son said when my husband called and we were out.

You didn't get it as a present you asked sorry hinted so your husband bought it because you didn't have the money to buy it yourself,

I think YABU to have told her, otherwise, sounds like a nice month. Hope the handbag is nice

A present for what? Doing the bare minimum as a parent I.e taking them to Nando’s and going shopping (your favourite activity). What a difficult life OP, of course you deserve a £400 handbag for doing jack all.

Take this thread as a lesson, grow up, stop discussing your finances with friends, learn the value of a dollar and learn delayed gratification. You don’t need it all, right this moment, save up.” and you will appreciate it more.

@Lomonald - I always see on MN - it is called OUR money - not his money or my money.
I could have just asked - he would have bought it. I think it's cute that I hint and he gets the hint. May be its our things - to some it may mean am lowering myself , no self-respect but he does not.
On a separate note - I do not need to lower myself in front of a man for money. I have enough savings of my own but my husband is a nice and generous and he does not think like the majority of posters here and thank god for that.

It seems you really don't think others should have an opinion of their own.

Just because people arent/won't tell you want you want to hear?
That's not being unkind.

Yes :-) using it for a friend's birthday get together on saturday 👜

'treating ourselves' -exactly what my son said when my husband called and we were out.

I'm going to back off a bit because you are obviously feeling a bit piled on but that is incredibly worrying OP.. why would he say 'WE are treating ourselves', surely it is you that was treating them?

Or does he see himself on the same level as you when it comes to being a dependent? He knows the money you are spending is his dads, not yours so he only ever recognises his dad as the person treating them, even though it was your decision to take them out.

Maybe I just don't understand the dynamic and that is all perfectly normal in households where one person earns the megabucks.

Does he ever hint to you and do you get him things?

That would be a completely different situation though so no-one would have commented harshly. People honestly aren’t being mean to you, they are trying to give you a reality check in response to your OP, as I think your friend was doing. You didn’t like what she said and you don’t like that people on here are agreeing with your friend. That’s on you not us.

Why is everyone ignoring the fact that I work!!!

@NewbieSM What woman does not like shopping and I am a good mother! I do most activities, laundry, shopping, appointments with them. Shame on you to insinuate that I am not a good mother. My children do not lack anything.

This.
I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I told people when I thought they were making bad choices. And each time was in response to them wanging on about it.
Were you hoping she’d validate your behaviour?

You think it is cute you hint! I don't really no what else to say .

You blew all your funds on going out. Then spent shit loads on eating out because you can’t cook. You then hinted to your husband that you liked a £420 handbag? Why didn’t you budget for the handbag?

I just can’t get over the fact that you didn’t cook a meal for your kids, for a whole week. What is that teaching them?

@ForeverPombear I buy most of my husband's clothes
@SandyHappy - he has no idea whose money it is to be fair..I may have said 'let's treat ourselves to Nandos today' I cannot remember to be honest, but that is a phrase I often use. Even when we go out with my husband, I would say things like 'let's treat ourselves to ice cream/ Nandos etc ' or whatever

Your Children may not want for anything OP, that doesn't make you a good mother.
You clearly do lack for something, in your relationship, family dynamic, career or something otherwise you wouldn't act so needy and temperamental.

Eating out/takeaways 5 nights because you 'don't cook' is lazy and extravagant and not teaching your children anything beneficial. To do this and demand a handbag that you don't need and can't afford is delusional.

I take it in your mind your 'savings' are being ring fenced and squirrelled for when DH has enough of this and leaves you.

Your friend is a true friend, she is calling you out. be grateful for her by your side. As for her being 'lucky not to work' - I don't see it like that at all. Work can be fulfilling, give independence, sanity, reality and purpose.

How can I budget for something I did not now I wanted? You do not make sense.

I can only comment on the information you have given us. Which is that you couldn’t be arsed to make even 1 dinner for your kids, spaffed all your money on takeaway, weirdly hinting about wanting dh to buy you bag because you had no money left. You told your friend this, and she called you a spoilt brat. I would say her assessment of you was fair.

You asked for opinions and you got them. The fact that you still can’t see why you are being judged harshly is just more proof or your immaturity and privilege.

Go back to your little bubble of shopping trips and girls lunches OP, it doesn’t seem like you can hack it in the real world with the rest of us.

You know that people are not duty bound to agree with you just because "be kind"

If you ask peoples opinions - and they decline to agree with you, its a difference of opinion, and their opinion is just as valid as yours.

When the majority of peoples opinions are aligned - and not with yours - perhaps a little self reflection might be in order?

@Tortephant - wishing for my husband to leave me - that is very mean and nasty.
I have not squirrelled away anything - my savings is my inheritance and we both have a will in place-this goes equally to my husband and kids if anything happened to me. I am also very generous to my husband. I do not have to take advantage of his kindness.

That makes sense, maybe I'm reading too much into it then, and they've just picked up on on something that is often said, it sounds like the 'treat' he was referring to is the food itself, not the fact it is being paid for (treated) by someone else.

To be fair, OP didn't "demand" the handbag.

There's plenty here to take her to task over without having to add to it.

Yes, the treat is the food, the ice cream, the cakes etc as i also usually say 'I am treating myself today' - meaning I am eating junk

Then do without the bag if you cannot afford. We can all want things but we do not necessarily get it. You sound very immature and honestly I do not blame your friend for judging you.

@purplecorkheart - I technically can afford it