To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

Oh those rides are no different to adventure island really then ( 25 mins drive from us)

I think it really depends on your relationship with your in laws - and only you can know that OP.

What do your children say when you mention it - and that it would be 3 nights? You are totally within reason to say no for any reason that makes you uncomfortable, but if the children are excited that might alleviate that part of it.

I'd still be annoyed about the manipulation though

Maybe they haven't been able to afford it in those 8 years. Mine certainly didn't go away to a big theme park at that age. This is why to me it feels like the in laws trying to get one up on them. Maybe they can't afford it/haven't had time to do these things so rather than treating the family they want to do it themselves and come across as wonderful for doing so while the hard working parents miss out on the opportunity with their kids.

Ah sorry i thought you were referring to Disney.

Paulton’s Park is great for 8 year olds as it has a lot more other than Peppa World. Has quite a few big coasters.

Quite possibly not.
The whole Park is very nice though, extremely clean & spacious. It also has animals Discover All Our Animals Friends at Paultons Park and is near the New Forest.
Being only 10mins from us we has season tickets for a few years when the DC were younger (and season tickets were cheaper!)

The draw for people from further away is probably PPW, but it is a good park for DC of different ages or wanting to come down to the area for a longer break.

I think its off to let them have them for 2 nights when it suits you but not when it suits them. It doesn't sound like the time away is the problem, you just want to go on the trip or don't want them going without you. That sounds like jealousy and not putting your kids feelings first.

The way I see it, there is a trip they want to go on, with safe adults, and you're saying no because you want to go. You didn't organise it, you're not invited, that's life..don't stop your kids going. I'm surprised you can't think of something you'd like to do while they're away.

Then you can go again and instead of enjoying their first time, you can let them show you around, which will be really exciting for them.

Ultimately we don't own people and if we were left out by friends, we'd bury our feelings and move on, and I think that's the right thing to do here.

But they are the OP's children, and merely related to the ILs.

OP, a lot of posters saying they'd by ok with it, but the point is you're not comfortable with it, which is far more relevant. Personally (again, only my opinion), I think 4yo is a little young and the way it's been broached would rankle, if I were in your shoes.

Of course they could. There are LOTS of cheap deals around for theme parks.

Why has the theme park been put on a pedestal of parenting? It’s a day out! It’s nothing that great and certainly not a milestone! Learning to swim is or riding a bike! Being taken to a theme park surely isn’t. Op needs to get a grip!

Is it Disney land paris? No one has taken DD abroad without us (she's now 14) and.to be fair no one asked to but i.wouldn't want to be in a different country to her that young.

Personally if there are no safety concerns I would let my kids go, my dc had some great adventures with their gp's when they were small and now as teenagers they are adventurous and resilient as a result of having time in a different environment.

There are so many firsts we get to experience with our dc i dont really see the significance of 'their first trip of this kind' you could say that about everything but its hardly a key milestone.

Each to their own though, if you dont want them to go then dont allow it

I thought that too.

I don't think of it as a precious first milestone type thing at all - no idea where that is coming from.

OP

You are not comfortable with it and your opinion is a valid one.

Something I picked up on in one of your early posts. Why exactly doesn’t your DH like confrontation at all, especially between you and his parents?. That dynamic started a long time ago, that certainly predates your meeting.

Does he feel he is caught in the middle between you and his parents?. His inertia when it comes to his parents hurts him as much as you.

It seems sad that you want to keep the horizons of your DC so narrow. What are you going to do when aged 16 they want to go to the Reading Festival or aged 17 to Crete. Say no, because the toilets and food will be different and it involves travel?

Go with them, sounds fun. I wouldn't allow it otherwise.

Depends on how close they are to their grandmother, how active a role she plays in their upbringing etc but I actually think 4 is probably too young, especially if he's never slept away from you before.

I would allow them at that age. It's a lovely opportunity for them abd a break for you. Unless there is some massive back story about lack of care ?

It sounds as if you want to be the "first" to take them , rather than this being a good thing for them . I loved going away with my grandparents when I was a child great memories.

Don't take that away from them because you are a bit jealous that you would prefer time with them

DisneyLand Paris is no further than a few Counties away for many. Do you appreciate that France has significantly better healthcarw than the UK in the event that something goes tits up?

You know your children and you know your in laws so trust your own judgment. My children stayed for two to three nights with both sets of grandparents and they all have very happy memories and were excited to return. Once they got to 12 or 13 they were less happy to go so the window for building that relationship is quite narrow.

Posters get totally hung up on referring to children as 'my children'

As if you would write 'our children' when you're talking about yourself. It wouldnt make sense.

That may be true, but accessing healthcare in another country with another language and with insurance company to deal with too is always more difficult (speaking from experience!)

They’re your (plural) children, and it’s your choice what they do, where they go, and who they go with.
If I was in your position, (children staying overnight happily with ILs previously) I would be happy for them to go away for a few nights …. But not to Disney Land. It’s not somewhere I have any inclination to go myself, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my children (at that age) going there (or similar destination) without me. If the suggestion was for somewhere more local/ smaller, then not a problem.
Is it possible for you all to go? Or for the destination to be changed to somewhere that you were comfortable with? I think your children will just see it as an adventure and would thoroughly enjoy it anyway. But I can certainly understand that you might have safety concerns.

I have to say, I would never have let my ILs take either of my kids anywhere on their own, because they are batshit crazy and hopelessly forgetful. No way.

You're the mum, its up to you.

You can say "you can take them somewhere when they're over 16 and capable of looking after themselves"

They've actually stayed with the same grandparents for 2 night s on the trot before. This trip is 3 night

Are you in the UK- just looking at the timing of your post?

Is this a UK theme park?

Many rides in the UK are not suitable for children age 4 because of height restrictions ( too small.)

You need to talk this over with your husband. He's their son.

And if you prefer them not to go, say so.