To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

Paulton's Park has several sections, one - Peppa Pig World - is aimed more at pre-schoolers, but it has bigger rides in other parts. And it's not as expensive/busy as some other theme parks.

Where has Disney Land come from?
Can't see it in OPs posts.

Or some have fantastic Grandparents who love spending time with their Grandkids, who make the effort and like doing things with them.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't on MN the amount of threads from women complaining their parents / in laws don't get involved and yet here we are.

My DC are 22 and 23 and always did things like this with my folks, they also took them to their caravan often. Sadly my Father died a few years ago but my DC have a wonderful relationship with their Nan. Unclench OP it is just a theme park.

People are surmising as otherwise why is it 3 nights and special enough for the OP to not want to miss it.

I can’t stand Disney, I was more than happy for my mum to have that precious memory 😂
I got to take them to their first games at anfield, that was the best thing ever

I honestly think you’re being really precious. My children have been doing things like this with both sets of grandchildren probably before those ages. I don’t really understand what you mean about travelling, different places, different food….and? What’s the issue? They’re 8 and 4, they’ll love it?

But agree it should have been raised away from the kids as a discussion, not an expectation.

Mine are older and I still wouldn't be that keen. I realise it is probably my anxiety to an extent but I also think the grandparents are all quite old and would actually struggle with this length of time and I have seen them get quite shouty when stressed with the DC and one of my DC is autistic and I don't think they really respect/understand it.

I think if your eldest is 8 and you’ve yet to take him to a theme park, going to theme parks isn’t all that important to you.

Okay, if it’s Disneyland Paris, yes, I get your point. If it’s Peppa Pig World, I’d be bloody grateful someone else was willing to do it!

I don’t think a 4 year old would get much out of most theme parks and they would likely need to split up. Are they both capable of looking after them solo if they need to do that? I think a theme park is quite intense. Could they take them on a caravan holiday? To the beach? To something else?

I say that as someone who has no grandparents who could ever have mine for an overnight due to various safeguarding reasons.

Depends what you mean by theme park. I am thinking of the bigger ones, Legoland, paultons park, Chessington, Alton towers. When you live in the south west while you might be able to get cheap tickets, you do then have to pay a lot in getting there and overnight stays, hence me saying this would be a holiday to our family.

@happypaints

There isn’t an issue with them taking them on holiday for a great time, except you don’t overly like them and are jealous, or even they’ve upset you in the past and you don’t feel they deserve to have YOUR children.

Otherwise, you’d be biting their hand off and grateful that you had such supportive family around you.

When you say they haven't done this sort of trip before, have you never taken them on holiday?

You don't need to let people shame you that you don't want your dc going off with other people. Parents are allowed to want to supervise their own dc.

Theme parks are notorious for children getting lost etc.

Why haven't they asked you and the dc's father? It is lovely for grandparents to spend time with GC but you can't just book them out like a rental car: " what dates are free?"

I would not have considered my dc going for three days to a theme park without me or DH at age 4.

I would agree.
I would be open to compromise by accompanying them for half the trip.

I think there is a difference between offering and asking when it can happen.

It's a bigger deal for you OP, not the children or the grandparents.

Why not let them take the older one? 4 and 8 yo would be looking for quite different things in a theme park.

You could then treat the young one with something that 8yo would not enjoy.

Trust your gut on this one OP. I see you. The strong-arming, the asking in front of the kids. You need to set out your boundaries now or this will get out of hand. I've seen too many grandparents treat their grandchildren as a second chance at parenting rather than supporting the actual parents. You've come up with a good compromise. They can go, but not without you.

Ah, so you have history of being unhappy with his parents. I think you need to work on your relationship with DH and them.

This is all about you OP. Most people would be thankful for wonderful, caring, grandparents that want to support you, their grandchildren and look after them, have them over night and let them experience the world.

Also make a rule for yourself not to let these issues fester in your head. Life is too short for you to be spending too much time on this. You are the primary caregiver - you are going to give this the consideration it deserves - but once a decision has been made, let it go and enjoy your kids without having this hanging over you. There is a chance of a pushback - speaking to DH about trying to persuade you - so make your language very clear in the response and do not give in once you have decided - or you will have a slippery slope of unreasonable plotting going forward.

Mentioning stuff like going to a theme park in front of the kids without asking if you can/are able to first is the kind of thing that REALLY fucked me off when mine were small as it's the kind of thing MIL used to do all the time.
Then you're made out to be/look like the bad guy if for any reason you said no.
I'd be saying no for that alone, don't let her start that nonsense!
8 and 4 I wouldn't have felt comfortable mine going to a theme park without me either. They're so huge and crowded, and a 4 year old wouldn't be big enough for most of the rides anyway.
YANBU

😂this really isn't the gotcha you think it is.

I agree with this.

I hate theme parks, rides etc but I know the kids would love it. If family offered to take them I would jump at the chance. Get things done at home, work etc.

Er weird? I am on excellent terms with my parents and PIL and would think 4 too young for this for my sons. Everyone is not you, don't be so arrogant.

The 4 year old is much too young to be without their parents. Grandparents - I am one - tend to be years out of date over what is safe etc and may not be as vigilant as parents unless they spend a great deal of time with the DGC, which your MiL doesn't seem to have done. Don't let them go.

My In-Laws tell the kids we’re going to do X in the summer, but nothing materialises. It’s like they just forget what they’ve told them once out of sight.

It’s sh*t for kids to be let-down.