To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

I don't think you were wrong at all to question this.

TELLING you in front of the children is a presumptuousness that I would dream of accepting.

Very impressed OP, you are being very level headed and you know your MIL
clearly this was deliberately to leave you no chance to push back

Yes. Suggest you all go together.

X

No you're not unreasonable at all. They're your children, you get to decide. I wouldn't be letting my kids go away 3 nights without me either.

I think 3 nights/4 days is a bit long at that age. Your 4 yo would probably be really missing you by the end and may get v upset. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it, but perhaps suggest a shorter trip first to test the waters..?..and if they enjoy that, they could go for a longer trip a little further down the line..?

8 year olds go to cubs/ brownies camps. Would you really make your kid be the " odd one out" with mummy not letting them go

I remember one poor boy ( a bit older) on the year 6 school trip. Had his mum crying and wailinung how she would miss him. You can just imagine the others with that scenario going on

It's there in OPs second post:

Theme park, 8 and 4.

Why have you gone against your own first thoughts and instincts? Bizarre. I think 4 is far too young for this sort of trip away, and theme parks can be dangerous.

I just wouldn’t agree to it, on the basis that 4 feels too young. 6 maybe, even then I’d worry. Theme parks are busy and 6 year olds don’t have common sense.

I would. My parents took my dd1 away for 5 nights when she was 3, took her and ds1 away for 5 nights the year after. Sadly my dad passed away before they had the chance to all 3 of my children away. My ex in-laws did nothing with my children. Grandparents are in the children’s lives fora short time and it’s really important for them to have a relationship and make memories with them.

Initially I thought that is OK, although a bit pushy but 8 and 4 no way. Regardless of whether you wanted to do this kind of trip with them first (which sounds a bit whiny), they are too young. Just say no.

I am exactly the same as you OP, I won't be strong armed into anything as it immediately gets my back-up.

We had a few people try it when my kids were younger but youngest had severe issues around eating (ARFID) and hated being in a new place around new food, others just didn't understand and were really dismissive so I had to be firm.

I'd say to the inlaws: we are really happy to go on a family trip to the theme park, all of us...however, the children are not ready to go alone with you. In future, please discuss trips like this with me and DH first before mentioning it to the children so we can arrange everything before they get excited about something.

I disagree

The grandparents just said they were going with no asking, from what I understand

Can I ask if it was your parents who wanted to do this trip if you would be on agreement about it?

Could you make this a family trip with all of you+ the grandparents then you can all experience this with them? The way your talking about it I feel it's not just a regular theme park sounds like they are wanting to do disney or something like that!

Difficult one! Of course they've brought up children but I'm not sure I'd have been happy with older adults coping with two children this age. Also, I would like to have been consulted and a request put in, rather than a 'give us some dates' statement. Four years old is very young and if the family had planned to do this kind of trip together, at a later date, I think the in-laws should have had a chat with the parents. OR maybe they could all go together? Win/win 😁

But why not?

Don't see the problem our kids have been away with several family members even abroad for a week...DH and I want them to have as many experiences as possible so when there offered they absolutely get to go, we can't be there for every first. Would never hold them back and there younger than yours

Lol at older adults I was a grandparent younger than half on mumsnet are before they have their first kid. Only obviously with a damn sight more experience in chidcare

go with your gut. You know what your kids can handle and when and how often they need you. we took our niece on one ride and it was the wrong thing to do cos we aren't with her all the time and didn't know what was right for her.

Find it weird the amount of people who seem to think the OP is unreasonable that she doesn't want them to go. I wouldn't have let my kids go either. They are my kids and I didn't wish to farm them out to anyone for 4 days at a time. And before you start telling me my kids won't be well adjusted etc, my kids are now 21, 18 and 14. They went to cub camps, they went on school residentials, the oldest one spent 3 years at uni 200 miles away, they're fine ta and they have fantastic relationships with their grandparents too. At that age I'd have politely said thank you for the offer but I don't want them to go away for 4 days.

I guess the decision needs to be taken on a case by case basis. I don't think my DCs would've been happy to go away that long with their grandparents but it sounds like a different family dynamic which is lovely for you guys. Sorry about your dad x

Well ifbthey went to cub camps surely that was 4 days

My 10 year old wouldn’t be away from
us for 3 nights so YANBU.

My 14 year old and all his mates love Paulton Park …

@Thechaseison71 notall cub camps are 4 nights, many are only 2 and are not for 4 year olds