To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

I had similar reservations when my oldest first went away with my in laws. After a lot of back and forth we agreed she could go. She was 2, and spent 4 nights at a holiday park about a 3 hour drive away. She had an absolute blast and didn't seem miss us one bit !
I think unless there are any specific concerns with your in laws not looking after them or doing things you wouldn't approve of then its an excellent opportunity for them and the way I ended up looking at it was that I didn't want to deny my kids that opportunity due to my own anxieties.

It depends on so much more detail that we don't know. The only thing I would say is that she should not have raised it before speaking with you.

As very young children my sisters and I had wonderful holidays with my Grandparents. Occasionally my Mum stayed too, but the best trips were when it was just us girls and our Grandparents. I reminisce even now about the fun we had with them - such special times, and Grandparents are not around forever and may not be as mobile as time passes.

My own 3 boys had fabulous holidays with their Granny, as well as having exciting trips away with their Aunt and Uncle from toddler stage upwards. This has led to the boys having excellent relationships with their Granny and Aunt into adulthood.

Now as a 58 year old Granny, I have my Grandson to stay regularly for up to a week, and we have the best time! He lives 2 hours drive away, but has never been unsettled coming to stay with us since he was around 3 (he's now 8). We do indulge him with trips out to fun places (just as my Mum, and my Granny did in their time), and I see this is as an important part of creating life-long memories for us all. He will have countless memories of things he has done with his parents, complemented by memories of special times with Grandparents.

Unless there are safeguarding concerns, I'd let your boys go off on a summer adventure with their Grandparents. I think the anxiety is mainly yours. Let them go have fun - and make the most of some childfree time with your husband.

I’d bite their hand off for this offer at this age unless they don’t know the children well at all or are unsafe. You could fly to Paris for a romantic weekend with DH. You could insist on doing a practice overnight with them a couple of weeks before in a hotel close to you perhaps?

I agree and this is lovely

I must be a terrible mum my parents took my 3 kids to Spain for a week when they were 8 and 5 lol

God and we wonder why anxiety is rampant in our young people. It's a theme park, not Mars

All of which is exciting and fun, apart from the loos, but not sure different loos are an issue? I mean didn’t we all visit all of the loos in the local area when potty training?

If you trust the grand parents let them go. Its important they make memories with grandparents as well as parents it also develops their indeoendance, resilience and social skills Go away for a couple of nights with your partner, it will be good for the relationship.

It was my mil and her sister did that. They had a lovely time.

I'm glad you will let them go. My DS has been going away with my in-laws since he was 4. He's 7 now and they're off to the Isle of Wight again in the summer holidays. It's win-win as my interest in staying there in a holiday home in July is 0! DH and I are having a little break just us at the same time.

My mum took my DC away for a week when they were a similar age to this too so DH and I went to Paris! I realise everyone is different but if you trust them, there’s really no issue with this.

And I bet your kids had an absolute blast, ate more ice cream and sweets than they would usually have, and formed a wonderful bond with their grandparents.

And in the meantime you could work knowing they were being looked after and entertained.

I would be prepared to bet that OP's 'reservations' are more about her own FOMO and insecurities. Like her children can't breathe unless she is there.
There is no wonder so many children have anxiety.

@ThejoyofNC

you can like your kids and want to do stuff with them AND need and appreciate a break from caregiving. It doesn’t make one any lesser of a good parent.

I love it when my in laws take my kids on breaks. I have friends who say they’re envious as they never get that sort of break.

They'd probably have a brilliant time at 8 and 4.

@Floppyearedlab I agree. There’s a big need to let dc develop and gain confidence. Being with a parent and that parent hovering isn’t healthy for dc or the parent. There’s many activities parents can share with dc and ours didn’t care much about theme parks, so neither did we. Other events and days out were memorable but that would not stop grandparents taking them somewhere. Why we have this affinity with theme parks baffles me. I remember dc in dance shows, singing and all sorts of childhood events, but it was more about their participation, not going to a theme park.

I think at 8 and 4 you are being overbearing if this is your reason. Eating out? Different loos?
Do you think they’ve never raised children before?
It seems like you just don’t want the GPs to get credit for a fun experience, particularly as they have minded the kids for 2 nights before.

Glad you've come to your sense OP. Let them have fun and you enjoy the break.

@happypaints

”different loos”… what do you mean, Op?

glad you are letting them go to build precious memories. They are lucky to have doting grandparents.

I do think there's an issue in how your PIL see you OP aside from the trip itself.

I have a brilliant MIL who has had many, many trips with my children without me present. She always asks me first without children present. It's basic respect, IMO. It's showing they acknowledge you have parental responsibility, not them, and that they value your perspective as the primary caregiver and someone who knows their own children best and maybe has planned other things too. What if there aren't 3 nights in the near future without anything planned when the 8 year old is not in school - the children might be disappointed

It's also an acknowledgement that as their Mum I might like to share certain experiences too.

At this point for me it's mostly just a formality, especially for the 16 year old who will in two short years be able to decide for herself. However, it does impact on me beyond the respect angle as I need to facilitate things (e.g. lifts as the 16 year old still can't drive) and I very much appreciate the respect and consideration shown, which means I can plan my time better, which is reciprocated, and frankly her behaviour as a respectful and considerate human being makes me trust her more as a responsible adult in charge of my children.

I would love it and start packing immediately for the kids!

Your children, your choice. If you are not ready to be away from them for 3 nights then just tell MIL. Alternatively see it as a positive and book a trip away with your partner for 3 nights.

I don't think YABU, you want to do their firsts with them. At the same time they will have a lovely time, I'm sure. Can you go with?