To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

Just tell the grandparents that it will be fine when they are a bit older.
We are grandparents who look after similar age grandchildren all the time. We are fit and healthy and take our grandchildren out for regular trips/ have them overnight but a theme park with an overnight stay would be beyond us.

You seem to have changed your mind pretty quickly between your last two posts. I hope you’re happy with that and weren’t pushed into the decision.

No way would I have said yes to this. They’ll hardly remember it, especially 4yo will just remember feeling stressed.

Am I alone in thinking it's not a huge deal that MIL mentioned it in front of the kids?

Given the context that they have had the kids overnight before, I don't think it was a ridiculous assumption that they would be fine with it. Theme parks as a big precious first moment, I don't think is a common opinion? So I think it's not so strange if that didn't occur to MIL

@Saltysweetspicy So - a first theme park is a thing? Since when? What about working parents who inevitably have to delegate to others? Dom you hold back dc so others don’t get the “firsts” - whatever they are! We have a strange view of parenting. It’s all me, me, me. It’s long been recognised that childcare is great if spread around a bit. This me first attitude sounds very insular for dc and not good developmentally, especially for the 8 year old. The op needs to reflect on one “first” - staying away from home for a night!

Thorpe park or Thomas the tank engine world?

@iniati I would have hated the MIL’s approach. I’d just have said no or I’m coming. But my kids were quite quiet and attached at that age.

I think the kids would have an amazing time and will probably barely notice that you are not there. My in laws had ours for a week at a time.l when they were very young while we had a child free holiday and everyone had a fantastic time. I do agree that they should have spoken to you before mentioning it in front of the kids though - that may well have been because they expected you to say no without considering it I guess.

But I am guessing you didn't regularly leave them with the in laws overnight if they were like that?

I totally get it if you haven't left your kids before but if you are generally happy to leave them with the in laws, I don't think it's so bad that they assumed the OP would be happy with this

haha, OP. I think you're doing the right thing but I do understand - the strong armed tihng would annoy me too. I remember MIL attempting to do similar over DS' christmas present once - his first bike - and on the 22nd of December (having not bought him anything yet) she announced that she had bought ALL her grandchildlren's first bikes and this would therefore be from her. hahahahahaha.

So I feel your pain but hopefully your DC will have a good time anyway.

Kids making memories with grandparents - can’t see the issue, Infact it’s nice that they offered in my opinion. The only thing I would be hesitant about would be if it was Disney as would like to experience that as a family and I’d probably say let’s just all go!

8 isn’t old enough..?

I would be saying yes and sorting something out for myself if I wasn’t working. But I know my kids are safe and well cared for with my mother. If you’re not happy about it just say no though. It sound like your anxious because you won’t be with your children which is understandable. You also sound like you have reservations around the grandparents ability to cope with the children.

This is more about you than the children. If you know your children will be perfectly safe with their grandparents and have a lovely time this extremely selfish of you.

our daughter has been staying away at least one, sometimes two nights a week since she was a few weeks old. Every summer so far she has additionally stayed with my parents, who normally take her somewhere in the UK for a week while we do an annual ‘active’ holiday that so far she hasn’t been old enough to participate in. They will love it and be fine. We have plenty of family days out and other holidays and none of us miss out.

I have tons of ‘remember when Nannan and Grandpa took me to [place] memories and I wouldn’t swap them for the world.

Personally it would depend on the theme park, how suitable the rides are for the age and height of my children and how mobile / accustomed to looking after two energetic children they both are as they will have to divide and conquer as the 4 yr o possibly won't be able to do a lot of rides that an 8 yr old can.

You may be able to nip this in the bud with a bit of research on the theme park and the restrictions. Otherwise a family trip sounds ideal especially as theme parks in school holidays will be mega busy and easy to lose a 4 year old in.

It looks like you are agreeing to it. But if it was me, I would ask MIL to next time discuss any trips with you and DH before mentioning it to the children.

Do they always get their way? Do they ever ask your opinion before doing anything with DC?

Was this just a one off excited discussion before thinking about you as parents?

I just don’t want to get in the way of them having a good time. Plus it’s nice to be nice and not be stubborn about these things. Just sometimes I need to have a quick moan on here to get some perspective.

I do think they were wrong to ask in front of the children so you look like the bad person if you say no.

I see nothing wrong with those ages. Some kids are at school aged 4.

I agree with this - I think it comes down to assumptions (and therefore lack of communication, rather than being disrespectful). If they've had them for 2 days before (and have previously taken them out / done something by way of entertainment), I bet it never occurred to them for a second that the OP would have an issue with it.

FWIW, my parents have looked after my children at their house (2 hours from us) to help us out when we've had very busy work schedules since they were babies (less than 1) - 2 or 3 days a couple of times a year. From the age of about 3 upwards, they've taken them abroad to their holiday home for a week /10 days. This carried on for about 10/12 years. My DC are now early 20s / late teens and they absolutely adore their grandparents and there are lots of insider jokes / funny stories about their time away from us with their grandparents. Their relationship is lovely and I feel very lucky, as my children / parents do.

Agree that unless there is some safeguarding / health issues, I'd agree to it.

Are yours the eldest grandchildren?
Mine are for MIL and she vastly over rated her parenting skills and the abilities of young age groups. Her core memories were her own kids at a much older age. And she had an awful lot of support when her own children were young.
She's also not a theme park visitor at any time prior to the grandchildren.
I think there were local friends and her siblings with a different vibe who had all done theme parks with their own kids so that was a huge push.

So granny announced she was going to be grandparent of the year with a trip to Peppa Pig world. Like you, we weren't pre- advised, it was all a bit sneaky when DH & I thought we were leaving them for a day in the garden, walk to the beach and a sleep over.
We turned up the next day at ten and did you have fun was greeted by the most miserable tone announcing they'd seen Peppa Pig. Everyone's a bit tired, so say our thanks and we bundle them in the car.
I wish I'd filmed my then 7 &5 year old run through of the day. The flapping, the bewilderment of Granny at the car park, the queues, the massive strollers when they should pack lighter, the lack of any plan for sun or the midday rain shower. The 5 year old ability to need the loo immediately. The refusal to buy any food but at the same time left the grim picnic in the car which they trudged out for.
The whole thing was utterly shit and yes we have all had days like that but it did seem to encapsulate Granny MIL's self centered rather than prepped for kids focus. She got her pictures to show her sister and that was what it really was about.

The kids suffered no harm what so ever in the long run, just appreciated their parents more.

3 nights is a lot for two children so young. Consider going with them for a night or two. Other than that 2 nights may well be enough. Negotiate it as you know them best.

So if they suddenly said to the DC, without any prior warning to the parents, we are taking you to Disney (when DC hadn’t been before and you were going to take them at some point) you would be fine with that.