To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

I take quite a relaxed approach to things like this and I see it beneficial for children to have experiences with wider family. They have been on holiday with grandparents, my SIL took them away and my sister has taken them overnight to a theme park. They are age 3 and 5 at the moment and they both love talking about their memories of the trip. I don't feel parenting needs to be done in isolation, if the family members are trustworthy and love your children then why not?

That was a massive U-turn - is that you, Keir?

Why would a 4 year old be stressed?

Yeah?

Actually I would go further than that - I really don't want to go to Disney so I would be thrilled!

My in-laws took my son away for a week when he was three for a holiday in the UK and it was marvellous. They managed perfectly well, and we had a wonderful break from parenting. Eight and four is definitely old enough. Three nights is not a very long time. It’s fine for you to be worried, but it’s perfectly reasonable to presume a parent would be fine with this so I wouldn’t say it was your mother-in-law‘s fault. Also most parents would absolutely jump at the chance of three days child free time. She’s trying to do you a massive favour.

Same lol. Although my dd2 did turn down a trip to Disney in the usa preferring NYC instead

What gets me is the assumption that all grandparents are old and past it. It's honestly not the case.

@iniati I did say in my post that the parents were wanting to take them to Disney. But even so I think it is bloody rude of GPs to say what they are going to do with DC when it is pretty large event (and trip away wherever it is for 3 nights is big especially when not done it before) in front of DC and no prior discussion with parents. I would expect some discussion with DH prior to any trips with DC either of us were thinking about before mentioning it to DC, never mind GPs organising the trip.

I can see some prospective crap MILs on here

I think there is a difference between asking parents and telling parents what you are going to do with their DC

I see what you mean, I suppose if they’re properly attached to the PILs they won’t be will they.

I’m projecting my own experience of pushy self-interested slightly neglectful PILs. ‘Oh you’ve fallen in some nettles well never mind in MY day etc’ types.

As a grandparent who DOES to trips and holidays with my DGC, I still say YANBU.

If it is Disneyland, of course you'd want your children to experience that with you.

Also, the way your MIL has gone about it, is unreasonable. She's obviously said it in front of them, to force your hand.

Outrageous!

At 4,5,6 ... I went away for a week every summer with my nan and grandad to their cottage

At 8 I went on Scout weekends

Why not ask them if they want to go away with their grandparents?

Honestly OP -don't let yourself be bullied by people on here. Your kids , your rules. I can't think of anything worse than a theme park in the summer with kids. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable as a parent - don't take the advice of a random on a keyboard. From your OP , it makes me think that you instinctively want to say 'no' and you need to ask yourself why and trust your instinct. My inlaws are a bit of a nightmare and I wouldn't have sent them at that age. They are grown now and have a great relationship with their grandparents though and their relationship has not been affected one bit.

I spent more time with my grandparents at weekends than I ever did my own parents, and had a fantastic bond with my maternal grandmother. She taught me to cook, sew, all the things that Mum just didn't have time for. And our grandfather kept pigeons that we'd take out in the car and wait for them to come home again. I've got such happy memories. And I'm now making those with my own grandchildren.

It's natural not to want to have your children away from you for a few days but it's good for them.

@snowmichael slightly late for that as GPs have already told them they are going

Three nights for a 4 year old seems excessive to me and I'd hate the way it was brought up - so you were not being unreasonable at all. I hope all 6 of you are now going, ILs can fund the children, you pay for yourselves.

Lol my grandmother showed me how to use dock leaves to take away the sting. But she never made big fusses over minor things. Not did my parents though

My mum wanted to take my daughters to DLP for their 5th birthdays as she did it with her other GC but I was too anxious about them being away for 4 days to France so I declined and she took mine to a caravan for a couple of nights instead which they loved. I hear you. I do feel bad as they missed out but we have since been to ourselves a couple of times. Similarly my sister has asked to take one of them abroad for a week and again I declined. It's just not for me. Happy to holiday with them. Good luck OP.

My kids aren't especially interested in Disney either

What about the experience for your children?
Surely it's got to be a great opportunity for them, irrespective of who with.
Some GPs can't win.
Plenty of threads on here about non involvement of GPs.

Personally, I trust my MIL, she often takes my kids away and has done since they were little in her caravan or to visit family down south. We went away for a milestone birthday of mine for 5 nights and she took them away with her. They were nearly 2 and nearly 7

I do understand the apprehension. Everytime I leave my kids or let them go away overnight i feel sick and cry (mine are 6 and 8)

However I don't let them see that and even from babies my in-laws and parents have put them to bed and then from around age 3 had them overnight (when my youngest was 2 I went abroad for 4 nights) and I found it hard, but I dont know if it was me doing that or just the way they sre but my kids will walk into places without saying bye and even ask when they can stay with X without parents.... its an adventure for them.

One thing to remember is that as long as its not suggesting taking them to another country you can get to your kids if you need to.

I also got my kids tablets that they can ring me or dad via an app, no other people, so no matter when they can ring and see us

Also when they are away plan stuff for you an DH, a night out, a nice meal in.. get some quality adult time to connect

My MIL and step FIL just took my 5 year old to Cyprus for a week without us as we decided against a trip abroad this year due to having a new baby, it meant he didn’t miss out and he had an amazing time! But we trust the in laws with the kids and they have had him once every two weeks for years due to our work schedules and have took him on one night stays in the UK before this one. Only you know your own children and your in laws to be able to make an informed decision regardless of others opinions.

OP, you can decide if you want to let them go or not, absolutely. It is your call. However, if the kids are keen to go, it sounds like a lovely opportunity. I can fully see how grandparents might fancy having GC to themselves without their parents there. If they have had them for two nights already and the kids enjoyed that I imagine this will be equally successful.

You do sound a little like you would feel left out of this trip. I could happily leave a theme park so I wouldn't mind and I am happy for DD to enjoy herself without me. She went on scout camp to another country at 11 having only moved up to scouts a few months previously and I did give it some thought but it was perfectly safe and she was keen to go, so I let that be the deciding factor. I wouldn't have wanted her to not go in case she missed home or I missed her if that wasn't in her mind. She learned so much from it and it t was the right decision even if she didn't find all of it easy, and it gave her the confidence to go in future trips. She would go on holiday with anyone these days!

I took two of my grandchildren at the same age to disney Paris and 25 years later they still remember what a great time they had, and I remember what fun it was and spending quality time with them