Aibu? Fathers day…

[Iswimlikeagoldfish]

DS made DH a card at school and didn’t want to give it to dh till later on the day. Dh got upset and felt unappreciated he woke up to no card, so decided to go out drinking with his friends today.

dh turns up at 7pm to grab something from home saying that we don’t appreciate him thats why he’s drinking… qeue ds giving his dad his card. Dh reliezes he’s been a massive twat and says thank you its nice to be appreciated but then still fucks off back out to continue drinking.

aibu to think he’s a twat and just used this as an excuse to drink?! Ai

I didn't realise Fathers Day was that big a deal for most men. Whist it's nice to be appreciated as a parent, it's just commercialised nonsense really

He sounds pathetic. Mother's Day and Father's Day are blown way out of proportion by some parents and I swear they use the perceived slights as an opportunity to go into "victim mode" and behave as poorly as they want to.

Sure, you could have mentioned that DS had a card, but unless DH pulls out all the stops every Mother's Day, it is ridiculous to storm off like this. I wonder if he'd made plans with his mates already, but forgot to tell you, and decided to use this as an excuse for him being out all day.

My head, my opinion. I have seen this dynamic so many times so I decided to speak up.

I think that’s what forums are for - analysing and giving a judgement. Perhaps you think they are for something else- that’s ok.

I could be completely wrong. But I could also help the OP jump straight to the root of the problem.

we may never know.

Good grief! What ridiculous, petulant, childish behaviour from a (supposedly) fully grown man. Chucking his toys out of his pram because he didn't receive a card! It's hilarious, but also rather shocking at the same time!

A cup of tea , that’s lame tbh. But he shouldn’t have left you both the entire day

Agreed.
My children are useless at remembering either of them.

The cunt decided getting drunk with his mates and behaving like a spoilt brat having a tantrum was a better idea than spending Father’s Day with his actual child

You could, and should of let him know that he had a card but would get it later on the day regardless of that, no nice day out planned together? Etc. Maybe he did use it as an excuse to drink but maybe he did feel unappreciated and upset that there was no acknowledgement

Well i’m hardly going to have some kind of flash mob & marching band am I? Its fathers day ffs

I'm a dad. I can't imagine doing any of this. I'd just say, oh that's nice I'll look forward to it later. And if my son hadn't got me a card, I would have pretended. not to notice him making me one in his bedroom on plain paper.
I can't imagine at all going out drinking all day. I don't have the sort of friends on hand that I could just call and say want to go and get lashed all day. Maybe I did 25 years ago when I was 20. I guess someone will say that makes me a snob.

Why does your son get to decide when he gives a present / card on someone else’s day?

He's a twat.

Your son is 8. He's a child.

Your DH is a grown man going off in a strop to drink.

Ridiculous.

It's a shame that so many men behave like overgrown toddlers, entitled and spoiled. He's a grown man with an eight year old child for God's sake. What do some women see in these pathetic specimens?

Get together soon and learn to apologise and tell each other you love them. Just my perspective : sometimes life lessons are worth more than gold. Maybe DH has been feeling a bit unappreciated for a while but he hasn't got what it takes to say something, or maybe he's been dropping hints for a while. Do you know him well enough to know how he would feel if he didn't get a card with breakfast? Were you aware of sons plans and were they communicated clearly between the two of you? As a man I can tell you that even a small thank you here and there, or a " that looks nice on you" will have him walking on air for the rest of his day.
So, if you love each other then talk about what lessons can be learned from what happened and turn a negative into a positive. 🙏🏼💜

He chooses to not appreciate his wife, as OP has said he doesn't bother to do anything for mother's day except a card, on occasional years, so he shouldn't expect any appreciation.

It sounds like he just wanted to have drinks in the pub with his friends rather than spend the day with you both.

Why is everyone being so harsh and weird about Father’s Day!! Also the boy is autistic and has his ideas about things. You had a nice day with your son, that’s the main thing! Father’s Day is just a recent money spinner like most other things these days.

Eh, cos he's the one giving them, supposedly?? Plus he's autistic, so perhaps he has been perfecting the card all day and doesn't feel it's ready yet? Or can't face the social demand of handing it over (particularly if daddy is inconsistent or mismatched in terms of his attunenent to his son). Perhaps he becomes extremely anxious when his Sunday routine is different. Maybe he had an awful night with minimal sleep and is completely dysregulated. Just a few ideas for you there.

As it stands he has been out 10 hours getting pissed and still isn’t home. Ds gave him the card and he’s still out ignoring his phone so what does that say? It was never about the fucking card, he’s just selfish.

I know father’s / Mother’s Day is a big deal to some people these days, but when I was growing up it would be a card and a bunch of daffodils / box of chocolates. After which the day would proceed like any other Sunday. And the only plan for the day would be a standard Sunday lunch, possibly at a pub but more likely cooked by my mum. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this! Yes it would have been nice for the card to be given first thing, but allowances need to be made for the child’s ND. Perhaps there was a particular moment he was planning to present him with it. The dick only allowed 90mins before he flounced off ffs! For OP’s DH to behave like this there must be some deep rooted issues in their relationship or the family dynamic. It’s not normal behaviour imo.

Do you live with your father though? Think there is a big difference if you are adults and live separately than with a child who has another parent at home to guide things

Although reading OP further posts i can get why she can't be arsed. If he wants to feel special then he should make OP feel that way too.

They need a sit down on what to expect or not in future. Do they agree to take the lead and make these days a family event from the off, or do they keep leaving it child led with a hot or miss on whether anything happens. What they should definitely do though is tell the other 1 if DC has said he will be giving the card later so the parent is aware that this year is 1 that is going to be celebrated.

Drip fed in post 3. You’d think that was vital info in the OP.

Stop enabling this sort of entitlement! I can't get my head around how silly grown adults have become about Mother's Day and Father's Day. It's not your birthday! It's just a day. It doesn't mean the entire household has to grovel and hang out the bunting and Make It Special. A card is nice, tea or breakfast in bed is nice. I'm not sure anyone is entitled to that if their reaction to NOT finding their family massed around the foot of the bed with smiles on their faces the moment they wake up, is to have a tantrum and then go on an all-day bender.

OP, he sounds pretty immature and selfish. If he can't cut your autistic DS some slack for wanting to do things his way, and remember he's the adult, I'm concerned.

😂 😂 My dog has a bare leg fetish, dread seeing anyone in shorts, especially if they're dog friendly and want to say hello. She starts off normal enough, sniffing and tail wagging but then puts both front paws around their leg as if holding it whilst she licks it. I know what she's going to do now so stop her obviously.

@Iswimlikeagoldfish I'm so sorry you're getting so much stick. Your husband sounds like a selfish idiot.

Autistic or not, who cares when your son gives an ADULT a card? Seriously. Sure, it's nice to get a card, but really, if you only know you're appreciated as a parent because of a card there are other problems.

We have 4 kids, I took my husband out for the day because the kids are older and doing their own thing. They text him at midday when they remembered. Did he run off to the pub or treat them badly? No. Because he is an adult. They all love him dearly and he doesn't need a card from them to let him know. We had a special day and now he's watching a film with one of them.

Your husband is awful and needs to grow up.