Aibu? Fathers day…

[Iswimlikeagoldfish]

DS made DH a card at school and didn’t want to give it to dh till later on the day. Dh got upset and felt unappreciated he woke up to no card, so decided to go out drinking with his friends today.

dh turns up at 7pm to grab something from home saying that we don’t appreciate him thats why he’s drinking… qeue ds giving his dad his card. Dh reliezes he’s been a massive twat and says thank you its nice to be appreciated but then still fucks off back out to continue drinking.

aibu to think he’s a twat and just used this as an excuse to drink?! Ai

DH sounds awful so be sure he didn’t get a card first thing in the morning he buggers off drinking and then proceeds to go out again later??

Or the DH is also autistic and he was brought up to get away with not doing stuff because of it

I am astounded that a grown man would sulk about a card, so probably looking for an excuse to go drinking. As someone said I would have quietly told him what son was doing. Dad not exactly a role model of manhood is he?

I'd put on headphones and leave him to it if he hasn't taken his key. He's being a total arse.

Imagine having a special needs child who attends a special school and still stropping off to spend the day drinking with your (loser) mates (no doubt) because said child didn't follow your script for the day from the moment you woke up. Sounds like an excuse. Especially since it's clear he doesn't do much for OP's mother's day or birthdays either....

He shouldn't have rushed off like that but did he not have a gift, cake or any plans made like a meal?

Whatever the reason, leaving your child on the Father's day is not giving me the "father of the year" vibez anyway. I think he was looking for an excuse to leave you both and go out ...

Absolutely no excuse to fuck off for an all day (and night) drinking marathon with no warning. OP says she receives a similar level of attention on Mother’s Day - I bet it would never occur to her to disappear like that.

WTF!! Don’t let him in, let him get a hotel!!

I understand the idea of getting respite or princess treatment as another poster said, but I find the Mothers/Father’s Day as a day off parenting slightly funny because it sort of means you’re not spending it with your family, and opting out of the very thing that the day is honouring.

In our house, the other definitely takes on the main burden, give the parent whose “day” it is a bit of a lie in and special treatment, and on an ideal MD I’d have some time to myself to go to a yoga class, but ultimately I also want to spend time with my family.

Your husband is a massive twat. Although I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him this his card was coming later in the day, doesn’t he understand his own son?
I couldn’t be married to such a baby who puts himself before anyone else even his own child and orchestrates an issue so he can go off with his friends

Yeah I won’t be letting him back he can sleep at his friends. Need to have a good think if it’s worth preserving with this marriage.

Don’t be fucking ridiculous

@Iswimlikeagoldfish- did you do ANYTHING for him, or have ANYTHING planned? Cup of tea in bed? Let him know the card was coming? Have anything planned for the day AT ALL? You say the park plan was what your DS wanted to do.

The two of you should try counselling.

YANBU.

Our DS7 is Autistic and has adhd, and finds days centred on other people extremely challenging. We work on helping him manage them but we also have to be flexible in our expectations.

I took DC downstairs today so DH could have a lie in and took up breakfast in bed. DS had an epic meltdown but DH didn’t see this as we were downstairs.

Later on, once he was regulated and his medication had kicked in he felt able to hand over a present.

I didn’t need to explain any of the above to DH because he knows DS and what to expect! Same goes for Mother's Day or our birthdays.

He had a lie in till 11am & a cup of tea. I think 11am was pretty damn generous.

Does your husband usually organise something nice for you on Mothers Day?

Nah, that's not really the point of mother's/ father's day. It's not meant to be a day for Dad to slope off and get shit faced with his friends, even if that's what he'd most like to do.

Father's day (when you have an 8 year old) is a day for kids to celebrate their dad in whatever messy imperfect way they can. It's not a day to get hammered. It's a day to spend together.

My 10 year old would be really hurt if his dad didn't want to spend time with him on Father's Day and huffed off to a pub. My DH would not be remotely hurt if his card was delayed, or even if there was no card.

What a dick

You seem to have avoided answering whether you told him ds was just going to give him a card later. He's still a twat though.

I think I can see why he might have wanted to
leave the house tbf.

She said some years he gets her a card, some he doesn't bother.

It was

The bar is high for women and low for men based on what I'm reading on here. I despair.

It sounds to me like he just wanted an excuse for a sunday sesh instead of spending time with his son.

If you reversed this, and mum didn't receive card from autistic son (even though she knows it's coming later) would you be OK with her spending the entire day in the pub, leaving the other parent solo parenting, and then coming home pissed? I don't think so. I'm sorry but I'm not into these pointless days. We adults chose to have the kids in the first place - they don't owe us anything! Just do something nice together as a family if you can! (Or, if son prefers, follow the usual predictable Sunday routine together... And that ain't what happened here).

What a fucking ignorant comment. Oh, and I don’t usually point out poor SPAG, but it’s ‘themselves’ not ‘themselfs’. Or are you going to claim you have SEN?