Aibu? Fathers day…

[Iswimlikeagoldfish]

DS made DH a card at school and didn’t want to give it to dh till later on the day. Dh got upset and felt unappreciated he woke up to no card, so decided to go out drinking with his friends today.

dh turns up at 7pm to grab something from home saying that we don’t appreciate him thats why he’s drinking… qeue ds giving his dad his card. Dh reliezes he’s been a massive twat and says thank you its nice to be appreciated but then still fucks off back out to continue drinking.

aibu to think he’s a twat and just used this as an excuse to drink?! Ai

I think you've handled it badly OP. I agree with others, you should have encouraged your son to hand over his card earlier in the day. Failing that, how hard would it have been to get a card and token/jokey gift so he had something open. I always get my DH a gift for Fathers day as I appreciate the Father he is and he buys me a small gift on Mother's day and my kids are late teenagers and get their own cards and gifts.

Maybe you could have booked somewhere for lunch or got a cake for you and your son to decorate. At least you could have told him your son has a card.

For everyone saying that your DH over reacted, plenty advise neglected mum's to the same on Mother's day.

What does he do for mother's day?

Well she had a plan, for him to take the DC to the park.

Shit plan though.

I did this year - it was a coincidence it fell that weekend, but it was lovely! Got home about 5 and we shared the chocolates DS had for me. watched a film and then he went to bed. It was lovely!

Why on earth didn't you tell him DS had a card and would give it a bit later instead of letting him think no one had bothered about him?

I don't understand why you didn't say you DH to hold tight and wait. Did he just get a card? I think you should of explained to your son why he shouldn't keep the card all day and you should of spoken to your husband when he started talking about going to the pub.

But your previous post said your ds didn't want to give it to him until later in the day - now you're saying he wanted to give it a lot sooner.

Look, I think you've fucked up a bit here. Your job is to guide your son and to teach him how to behave in an acceptable way and you haven't done that. Think you owe your dh an apology here.

Perfect!

It’s hit and miss, some years I get cards other years I don’t. It’s the same with my birthday.

He probably expected to wake up to a card from his son.

I think you both sound at fault. He's been dramatic, but you could have alleviated it by telling him your son had a card for him. And its your job as his parent to guide him to the societal norms around things like giving cards.

But why no gift, and nothing planned? If the roles were reversed here your husband would be labelled selfish scum of the earth.

@Iswimlikeagoldfish only parents with autistic children will understand the rigidity of their little minds. Having said that you dh is his parent so he should know. Ofcourse it was all a pretext to get hammered.

Tell him you see now he means to make you feel unappreciated when he doesn't bother for you, since it's such an upsetting thing to him. Have a tantrum all day out of the house next time you're off work.

Did OP say her child is autistic?

'Thank you it's nice to be appreciated.'? What a pompous, passive aggressive twat - and to an 8 yo?? And drinking all day? What a dick.

I bet you didn't strop off for a day of drinking on the years when you didn't get a card. Your husband is a hypocrite for stropping off when he often doesn't make sure that you get a card for Mother's Day or your birthday.

Yes, she did.

Maybe today is the start of a new ritual. Each of you get the day off, you on Mother’s Day, him on Father’s Day. That’s the whole point! It’s children’s day everyday but these two days.

Yet on mothers day the threads are wild as mums want to be treated like queens.

Well I've never seen on when the woman says she stropped off on a bender for the entire day, only popping home to make a shitty comment to her kid then going out drinking again. And if that did happen, no, I don't think she'd be cheered on.

Yeah - imagine the post and reactions if it were Mother’s Day!

So’s mine. He’s got absolutely no idea what Father’s Day is. I’m still not buying that as a reason.

My partner however is sat next to me in his new tshirt, watching the football, with his card on our windowsill. This is also the first year my son has made his own at school.

I bought the card, wrote it, and wrapped the present.

That is the right thing to do. In much the same way it is on Mother’s Day, and on birthdays, because even if our kids don’t express it the same way, they do appreciate their parents and it’s our responsibility to make that known on days like today.

😳 I'm gobsmacked by these replies, feckin 'ell, I let my kids do it their way on mother's day or father's day! Dh didn't get his card till 5pm ish today because that's when we 'celebrated' (afternoon tea) and he's not crying into his pint! There is no 'socially acceptable ' card giving time, it's family norms, and your DH is clearly a prick, OP

That’s not nice. My son is in a SEN school…it’s not because it’s trendy.