Aibu? Fathers day…

[Iswimlikeagoldfish]

DS made DH a card at school and didn’t want to give it to dh till later on the day. Dh got upset and felt unappreciated he woke up to no card, so decided to go out drinking with his friends today.

dh turns up at 7pm to grab something from home saying that we don’t appreciate him thats why he’s drinking… qeue ds giving his dad his card. Dh reliezes he’s been a massive twat and says thank you its nice to be appreciated but then still fucks off back out to continue drinking.

aibu to think he’s a twat and just used this as an excuse to drink?! Ai

You hadn't planned anything so he spent the day as he wanted to.

Is your DH's response to everything he doesn't like to go drinking all day?

Sounds like OP gets similar treatment or less from him on Mother’s Day so I’m not sure why you think he deserves so much more?

But even if this wasn’t the case, do you really think it’s fair on their 8 year old child to act like this? It’s damaging for a child to witness this kind of crap. For his sake I think OP and her husband might be better off separated.

Any reasonable grownup would discuss their grievances privately with their spouse. Father’s Day or not he has a responsibility to his child.

And this may be the crux of the reason why you will ultimately leave this relationship. OP, do you feel that you are the default parent here? The one who does everything? The one who is attuned to your son? Does your partner offer you support when you actually need it (or only when you beg for it?). If today is part of a wider pattern, start making a wee note of these things and see if a bigger picture emerges.

I don't agree with your DH drinking a lot but I can see why he felt the way he did. At the very least, why not just tell him his son has made him a card but wants to give it to him later in the day? At least then he knows he hasn't been forgotten. I do agree with him feeling hurt and deciding to do something else for himself on the day though.

As for DS, SEN or not, I'd have explained to him that he should give the card first thing because it was a day for his father and he might be disappointed if he thought he hadn't been thought of in some way. You can teach most kids with SEN to try to see things from the other person's side and think about how they might feel because other people's feelings matter too. Not everything has to be done their way and on their timetable.

Very strange to wait for a card. Would ds do the same on mother's Day?

I don’t know, I suppose you reciprocate each others efforts, and it doesn’t sound like he puts in a great deal and neither did you today. It’s a slippery slope.

I’d find the withholding of card thing abit frustrating and would of made my DS give it to his Dad (I also have a SEN child so I get it’s difficult but I won’t allow them to control us).

Would I go out drinking all day because of it- absolutely not.

Id be thinking if this marriage has run it’s course tbh.

Really can't understand a grown man making such a fuss about a card! It's the sort of behaviour you might expect from a five-year-old.

@Iswimlikeagoldfish

7 pm? Why did you and your son wait so long?

That's nearly time for bed.

Why on earth would you celebrate a day at the end of the day? That makes no sense.

That's like waking up on Christmas day and not doing anything until 7 pm. I can't make sense of it.

Maybe actually read the thread then. It might help you make sense of the question which is answered in the OP.

Again, I would of but he went out early!

Cheers. I do an awful lot for this man, I even nursed his sick mother on her death bed but yeah I can see why he wanted to leave the fucking house. Not commenting anymore.

I can't understand why you didn't give your DH a heads up of the plan your DS had made.
But he's also behaved like a selfish man child so there's that.

Some of these comments are awful and, very sadly, show how misunderstood autism still is in society. Upsetting to read.

God some comments on here are ridiculous. OP in my opinion YANBU It’s completely childish to get in so much of a rage about a card when you’re a grown man and to basically use it as an excuse to go to the pub! He needs to get a grip! He got a sleep in and a cup of tea in bed, that’s not nothing! I honestly couldn’t live with somebody who reacted like that, serious ick.

So it's fine for a grown man to be so rigid that he can't cope with not getting a card at a time he expected to get one. But his disabled 8 year old is the unreasonable one for being rigid? Some of the responses are ridiculous.

I presume mothers would be perfectly fine if this was reversed and their first thought wouldn't be to come on here on mothers day and complain no one cares?

A mother of an autistic child would understand and wouldn't complain.

He sounds like a childish prick and very selfish husband! Not even getting you a card for your birthday or mother’s days ?? Is he definitely with friends ?? Are these friends not parents then ? How old is he ??

Both things can be true at the same time. Also, with DS being autistic, good chance his father is too. Autistic adults have meltdowns in their own way too.

I have multiple autistic children and teach them to think about other people's feelings. It's not all about them. If the DS is one of the kids that this isn't possible for, then it was unreasonable for OP to not tell her DH that there was a card but DS was doing things his way and giving it later. He knows how his son is and then at least least knows he wasn't forgotten.

Both parties were unreasonable here.

I think it’s his day and it’s fine if he wanted to go out - but not because he was pissed off about feeling unappreciated.

I don’t understand why when he was moaning about feeling unappreciated and not being given anything, you didn’t say that DS had made a card??

He’s acted like a childish twat.
He had only been awake an hour before getting into a huff and so I do wonder if this was his plan all along but I can’t help but find it very odd that you didn’t mention anything to him about DS’s card and so without hearing his side of the story I can’t judge.

My goodness he’s a bit over the top isn’t he. My husband got a scribbled in card (when I finally remembered to give him it) and he spent the day with our toddler gardening and tidying etc.

Your husband has narcissistic ADHD.

Where did you get this from?