AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

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Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

Respect should be an absolute cornerstone in a relationship. Love can ebb and flow. There will be good times and bad times. But when you've chosen to be together and care for one another you should be respectful no matter how tough things are. He seems to have no respect for you as a person or what you do. You have every right to feel awful. Maybe it's worth considering how you'd feel if you were treated with respect.

So still not talking. Been the better part of 5 days now. If I do ask him a question its meant with a blank stare and him just looking at me and asking me to clarify as hes obviously as thick as I am

Have rearranged some plans this week as its likely the kids school will either shut all day thursday or at least some of it. Got asked why i'm not going in as normal....when i explained that if they shut early and i'm 35 mins drive away there's no point me going in, he threw his hands up going whatever, do what you want

I'm over it all now. Spent the day working out how much i can afford on my own (via Chatgpt) and looking at house in my price range. Need to arrange an appointment with a solicitor this week. And tell Dh!

Such a fantastic opportunity to have this open and honest conversation, OP!
why don't you give him HIS list as well.
I'm sure it's longer....

Agreed. Please don’t accept this awful, damaging behaviour.

I haven't commented on an MN post for years, but I couldn't just let this one go by when I saw it in my inbox.

Oh, the poor little man child not getting enough attention 🙄 He's a narcissist, pure and simple. Take it from someone who stayed for 18 years with someone similar and tried to make it work for the childrens' sake...it doesnt get better. I walked out of my own marriage in February and haven't felt this happy, content and satisfied with life in years ❤️

My advice? You walk your fabulous arse out and do things for yourself. You deserve better darling, but I know it's hard, Im under no illusions that it's an easy decision. I promise it's worth it, though, if you can do the bravest thing you'll likely ever do.

If I was called thick and stupid after all that long list, no way would I stay with him.

I was prepared to sit on the fence until I heard he calls you thick and stupid. He clearly doesn’t even like you, let alone love you. Leave.

I’m an introvert, and I don’t like going out. I may meet a friend for coffee about once a month, but otherwise, I am happy at home, reading, doing creative hobbies and browsing the Net to learn things. This is me. My husband, who is an extrovert, loves and accepts me for who I am, which includes not having the social life he does. Your husband’s complaints on this, if you are like me, is an attack on your natural character. If my husband did this, I would be tempted to give him a long list of HIS faults, but that would be equally hurtful and, in my opinion, immature. Instead, I would ask him why is he being so unreasonable, and cruel, and does he want to stay married to me, or not?

Well done - do book that solicitor appointment, and if you use chatGPT please make sure you click through to the original source (as GPT often tries to 'summarise' and misses out important points).

I don't know how you can be in the same space as this arsehole so good luck getting out!

All the signs indicate you make him jealous of you so he abuses you yo make himself feel better. Do you want this for ever?

Don’t tel him anything until your ducks are in a row. He’s just trying to sabotage everything you try to do. He’s already abusive so rest assured it will only get worse once he knows your moves. Statistically the most danger a woman is in is when she leaves. I’m sure you’ll be fine so not to scaremonger, but he does sound like he’s been brainwashed by the manosphere and he is already looking to change you - for someone else. And when there’s someone else in the picture a man quite often appears to lose absolutely all humanity he had towards his own children, let alone towards you. Seen it firsthand and it’s quite terrifying. So just make sure he has zero power over you whatever. He clearly already sees you and the kids as his property designed purely to serve him, so you leaving may send him into an hysterical overdrive.

What always amazes me about these revolting men is that he will probably be genuinely surprised when you tell him it's all over, OP.

I would love to see a list of his faults.
But honestly, when it gets down to criticizing your driving or calling you thick, this is bullying.

Well done to you for listening to the comments here OP. It isn’t easy but your husband is not a good man.

I would have asked what he does like about me because thats a long list! I would wonder why he is there. Don't get me wrong having a conversation on why things aren't working is important and his feelings(and yours) are validated but it takes a partnership to work on those issues and if he is expecting you to just change everything to accommodate him and him put in zero effort then it won't work.

My therapist showed me children’s hierarchy of need asked me what did the children’s father do for them….it was bare minimal. Opened my eyes and I made my way out. There are good men out there. He is not a good man.

I cannot imagine staying with someone who treated me so badly. How does he expect you to have a social life when he’s out on Saturdays & sabotages any plans you’ve made when he makes alternate plans for himself? If you leave him, I suspect we will see a post in a year or two where you are blissfully happy & he is still a miserable jerk.

Leave the selfish ingrate

Good luck. I hope you find happiness and peace.

Wow I can only imagine what you must be feeling with the gaslighting here. Total disgrace of a man. How dare he. Please god leave this nasty selfish degrading piece of crap immediately. No respect no love nothing.

Please please please leave him.

Good for you - this was me 3 years ago.

It is crap to not have two incomes coming in, but the freedom and joy that come from not having him around is priceless.

Wishing you a future of happiness!

To be honest, it doesn’t sound like he likes you very much. Maybe he should fuck off and try and find better and see what that looks like. What a total dick.

Hold your head up high and look on this as a new beginning for you and the kids. You have seen the light and are worth so much more than these deplorable insults time after time. Good Luck and be happy xx

Another useless meanspirited man. There seem to be so many of these out there.

I knew my dh was a good man for sure when I saw the loving and respectful relationship he had with his mother (who welcomed me with open arms btw). I think that's a good indicator for how a man treats women in general.

OH MY GOD!!

Firstly why do some men expect the woman to solve all the problems, how sitting down and seeing what you guys could do to free up some time for a bit of quality 1 to 1. Children are emotionally exhausting and I felt that I was never longer a woman and just a mum… it takes work to pay a relationship attention in a young family and rather than trying to create a solution he’s just telling you his problem like at just your job to fix it.

some men seem to think once your married or have children you don’t need to be romanced to turned on to sleep with them, like shouting at kids, picking up after everyone and financially surviving makes you feel all sexy and wanted.

just tell him if you had a flat tyre you would fix it not shout at car. Time to start pumping some air into your relationship and finding ways to free up your time. What about attention to you? And not just before you go to bed when your shattered and haven’t even had a proper conversation all day.

tell him what you need in order for him to get what he needs… and also tell him you can’t do all those things at the same time and he’s a selfish idiot x