AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

[Timeforachange2026]

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

SCRIPT!!! he's found someone else to 'make him feel special' he sounds like such a child

Can you stay with a friend or relative to have some space away from him (even just for one night)? It might help you to process all of this and think about what you want to do next. I struggle to see from his list what he thinks you are doing 'good enough'.

He calls you WHAT now ??? The only reason you would be thick and stupid is if you stay with him any longer, bet he'll be gobsmacked when he finds out you've managed to talk to a divorce lawyer🙂

I notice his list is mostly about you not making him feel special.

Honestly, what an utter arse of a manchild.

Did someone recommend he do this? A friend who thinks they're a therapist? Or worse, a real one? Just seems a very strange thing to do.

Is this really the best that you can come up with ffs

This nails it for me. I'm sorry OP. What a wanker. Get out asap. LTB.

OP, he sounds like an abusive piece of shit. It's almost like he is trying to find a way out and projecting all of his shit onto you. I'd bin him.

OP you don't need to keep defending yourself. There's nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with him. He's a controlling bully.

All you need to do is tell him if you're so awful he's free to leave. Make yourself an appointment with a solicitor and get your ducks in a row. Then file for divorce - you don't need to ask for a divorce or tell him you want to split, just file it and then tell him you've filed for divorce.

Just imagine the peace and freedom of living without him there - this is what you and your children need.

I'd photocopy it and attach one of those copies to divorce papers and have him served.
Utter bellend!

So sorry OP, how cruel (and untrue!)

Tell him to fuck up and fuck the fuck off. Nasty, vile little pig of a man. Find your rage!

First thing I would do is stop doing anything for him. No washing, no lunches etc.

Then tell him to move into the spare room or couch whilst he finds somewhere else to live.

Then the mumsnet ducks in a row and divorce.

Grey rock him all the way and only talk to him about the kids.

He's a disgusting, vile bully.

OP he sounds abusive, and a bit of a cockwomble. Maybe start listing all his flaws too, see if Mr Perfect likes it.

There's a Facebook page called healing by numbers. Athe lovely lady is a survivor of abuse, she explains how emotional abuse and coersive control are slowly drip-drip-drip, until you dont even know how bad it is happening to you.

Haven't read the whole thread, but your DH is a dick.
I've been in Spain for 11 weeks now, I leave next Saturday.
I have decided that on Wednesday or Thursday I am going to tell mine that after 39 years of marriage. I want to separate.

Don’t go against the grain if you haven’t read the thread. If you can’t be arsed, just read the OP’s updates. If you don’t, your contribution isn’t helpful to OP because you don’t have the full information.

I'm sorry he treats you like this. Please try to find the strength to leave. I was in a similar situation and I cannot tell you how happy I am now I am rid of him x

Marriage counsellor straight from Gilead, mate.

As previous said, this is destroying your self confidence
Tomorrow call as olicitor make a plan together away.

He is a nasty prick.
Time to seriously look at your options.

Stop trying at all.
Focus on yourself.

He's not worth it.

I had that. A whole list of my apparent faults. I left and divorced him

It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to work out what he truly wants and needs to fix the relationship for you both. You’re focusing on the practicalities of fixing the things he’s listed, but you should also be looking at whether he’s meeting your needs and call him out on some of this, along the lines of…

”What are some of the things you’d say you do for me, to make me feel special, that I’m not doing for you?”

”What would you like me to do, to be more social and what would you be willing to do to accommodate that? Would it work if we alternate Saturdays, so that we both have time away from the kids and home to be something we’d like?”

If he’s willing to discuss how you can make changes together, he’s probably fighting for the marriage. If he just wants to complain about the problems, he might be justifying wanting out.

He’s an abusive twat. Why would you waste your one precious life on living like this?

Is he actually unsatisfied with your sexual relationship and coming up with this list instead that actually means "I want more sex"?

He calls you thick and stupid and mocks you. If be done for that alone