AIBU to suggest sharing the home office so the children can split bedrooms?

[Findlebarr]

Wise women of MN, I need help in settling a marital disagreement…

DH and I both have ‘hybrid’ work patterns. In a typical week we both WFH Monday & Friday and some weeks there will be an additional day.

We did a garage conversion a few years ago which created a smallish office where DH works. I have a desk set up in the spare bedroom. Up to now this has worked well and both spaces have pros and cons. DH got the office because he tends to WFH more days than I do.

The disagreement… I would really like the convert the spare bedroom into a bedroom for DC1. We have 2 DC and they have always shared but they’re getting to an age where they want their own space and it’s becoming more and more of an issue (quarrelling and moaning etc). I suggested to DH that we could move my desk into the office and share it. He is absolutely not having it. I think it would be perfectly fine - we both work in open plan set ups when we’re in the office. We both use headsets for calls/zooms. There is enough room for 2 desks side by side. DH says we would distract and annoy each other and it would be too hard when we were both on a call at the same time.

If it makes any difference we don’t tend to get on each others’ nerves or bicker etc. I don’t understand why he’s so sure it would be awful. I also asked him if he expects DC to share a room until they leave home and he didn’t really have an answer for that.

Which one of us is being unreasonable here?

YABU - sharing an office with DH will never work
YANBU - there’s no reason a couple can’t share a home office

Me and my other tried working in the same office space, I lasted a morning before I realised it just wasn’t going to work.

can you alternate days so that only one person works from home at a time?

Me too, I have a home office space for the odd days I'm at home so don't need one at all, but they look cool.

We share and it's not an issue. I work for a bank but am in projects and not customer facing. I dont talk about anything highly confidential and my husband sits listening to music through his headphones whilst working anyway. Neither of us pays any attention to the others calls. It's no different to people who rent spaces in offices with strangers or who sit in a coffee shop. I'm very unlikely to spill my husbands companies secrets and get him sacked.

Op why don’t you go into the office more leave him to do any pick ups drop offs etc. it’s both your garage so somebody has to compromise. A bedroom should be your priority not an office.

There is no way in hell I'd share with dh

I'd probably murder him.

But your kids need a room each, so I'd look at every other option including renting workspace

DH and I shared during Covid and it was OK but not something we both really enjoyed as I was on calls all the time and he wasn’t.
We are just about to change one of the spare rooms into another office for me so that we can both have our own space.

Well in this situ I would do one of 3 things

1. make a corner in the lounge to use as an office
2. make a corner in your bedroom for your desk to use.
3. Buy a summer house and make that an office equipped with a comfy chair, fridge, kettle and heater for winter etc

oh or 4…. Split the garage conversion in half so half the space is yours and you and DH can’t see / hear each other

do you have an attic?

my desk is up there. between the washing lines. out of the way.

Funnily enough I suggested similar to my dh and he was also dead against. So we needed separate offices AND separate rooms for the kids who previously shared.
in the end we moved to a 5 bed house which I appreciate might not be possible for you

However I think your kids’ needs for separate rooms should be prioritised. I didn’t realise it when they shared and they didn’t moan however since having their own rooms they HUGELY appreciate their own space. Yes I know a lot of children don’t have that luxury.

Thanks so much for everyone’s suggestions, you really helped me to think it all through.

Managed to have a good chat with DH and we agreed that he was just fixated on avoiding having to share with me (rude!) to the point that he wasn’t reflecting on how unfair the current set up is.

I maintain that I would be fine sharing but he clearly wouldn’t and several people on this thread agree with him so fair dinkum.

We are saving up to get a garden room which will take a while. As a temporary solution we’re going to move our wardrobe into the garage so I can put a desk in our bedroom - thank you to the poster who suggested that!

…and peace is restored… (for now…)

I agree it's important the kids have their own rooms as they get older. I've seen home offices set up under the stairs. Surely it only needs to be big enough for a small desk and laptop and monitor - that's probably the cheapest option. I think I would find it quite distracting working in the same space as my husband. Or, although more costly, have a home office built in the garden, but you would get that back if you sell. Other option is could one of you got back to the office full-time or maybe just WFH one day a week when the other is in the office?

Im a bit confused...I didnt say you were selfish in all aspects of your life but how else would you describe your DHs behaviour in relation to this particular matter? He knows it would be preferable for your DC to have their own rooms but doesn't want to do anything that might impact him negatively to achieve that....that's pretty much the definition of selfish, surely?

Only just found this thread and it looks like OP has largely resolved it, but just to add my experience. DH and I are both hybrid workers, we do share the same physical office space but try our hardest to WFH on different days for a number of reasons:

DH is super chatty and will just chat to at me all day unless he has meetings (he acknowledges this)

We both have zoom calls that the other one wouldn't be allowed to listen in on as we work for different employers

I sometimes work on sensitive data that he wouldn't be allowed to see on my screen, however briefly

That sounds a good plan OP

make sure you get the garden room if it’s swanky and he suddenly wants a swap🤣

this

My DH and I have shared a home office for 6 years since COVID. We usually work together 2-3 days a week and it generally works absolutely fine. We have headsets for calls and if one of us has a particularly important call then one of us moves into the dining room

I wouldn't want to share a small office with someone working for a different organisatuon either.

For 2 days a week, I'd just work off the kitchen table. Presumably you have to pack everything up at the end of each day to go into work tomorrow anyway.

"DH and I both have ‘hybrid’ work patterns. In a typical week we both WFH Monday & Friday and some weeks there will be an additional day.
We did a garage conversion a few years ago which created a smallish office where DH works. I have a desk set up in the spare bedroom. Up to now this has worked well and both spaces have pros and cons. DH got the office because he tends to WFH more days than I do."

So you both work roughly the same amount of days from home, but also say your husband works more? Contextually it reads like 3 days WFH at most, on an irregular basis.

Either way, he gets a garage conversion and entire private office and you get.... a desk shoved on the side of the spare room?

And now he won't let you have some of the private office space that you jointly paid for, because... why?

What does this complete prince amongst men do that require he be the only person to deserve a nice dedicated place to work, while you can get stuffed? (Not to mention the kids who live there every single day of their lives and surely deserve it even more than his highness does).

I have a secretary desk from ikea and work in the corner of the living room. We moved the furniture around to create space. I have 1 monitor and a laptop, a riser and a proper chair. At the end of the day my commute is packing everything away.

DH has a hully pod in the garden (cheapest home office we could find. Plugs in like a caravan). I think I’ve “sold” at least 4 to mumsnetters after talking about them on here. There’s a tiny hully pod for about £2,500. Sometimes I dream about getting that one for me.

could either of those options work for you OP?

They're only doing 2 days per week...

The privilege of having two office spaces is wild.

I work from the dining table usually. We have another desk on the landing. I'll go up to my bedroom if needs be, or into the office more if I need to get away from noise during school hols etc.

My DH and I have separate home offices. I couldn’t share an office with DH. My office is central to my mental attitude to my work and full engagement and I think the same for DH.

You are really relaxed about it, which is commendable but I can empathise with your DH it would be an absolute no for me.

The DC should have their own rooms now and there are lots of new innovative home office spaces available. Good luck!

I think this is a great solution.

And... as someone who has guests a LOT, think about flexible furniture for the kids' rooms - so keep the bunk bed in one room, or trundle beds or something. So if you have guests stay there's an option for your kids to share temporarily. Depends on the sizes of the rooms of course, but definitely worth prioritising the kids having their own space as they get bigger.

My husband has the spare room / office and I roam around the house on a laptop. He works from home twice as often as I do though.

why does he not get the desk in the bedroom? just asking?

I know this detail has irritated a few people and I totally understand why. Why should the man automatically get the better space?

In our case it’s because he works from home significantly more than I do. Sometimes 5 days. Most of the time I can only WFH Monday and Friday. Objectively, I think it’s the rational allocation even though it annoys me sometimes!

Thanks for this. We host family as often as we can so these are really useful tips.