AIBU to suggest sharing the home office so the children can split bedrooms?

[Findlebarr]

Wise women of MN, I need help in settling a marital disagreement…

DH and I both have ‘hybrid’ work patterns. In a typical week we both WFH Monday & Friday and some weeks there will be an additional day.

We did a garage conversion a few years ago which created a smallish office where DH works. I have a desk set up in the spare bedroom. Up to now this has worked well and both spaces have pros and cons. DH got the office because he tends to WFH more days than I do.

The disagreement… I would really like the convert the spare bedroom into a bedroom for DC1. We have 2 DC and they have always shared but they’re getting to an age where they want their own space and it’s becoming more and more of an issue (quarrelling and moaning etc). I suggested to DH that we could move my desk into the office and share it. He is absolutely not having it. I think it would be perfectly fine - we both work in open plan set ups when we’re in the office. We both use headsets for calls/zooms. There is enough room for 2 desks side by side. DH says we would distract and annoy each other and it would be too hard when we were both on a call at the same time.

If it makes any difference we don’t tend to get on each others’ nerves or bicker etc. I don’t understand why he’s so sure it would be awful. I also asked him if he expects DC to share a room until they leave home and he didn’t really have an answer for that.

Which one of us is being unreasonable here?

YABU - sharing an office with DH will never work
YANBU - there’s no reason a couple can’t share a home office

See
this is the type of thing I’m imagining

Maybe rotating is the answer - one in the kitchen and one in the office or something.

I’m grateful for everyone’s suggestions it’s giving me food for thought.

This would seem the best solution. I wouldn’t mind sharing a home office but i wouldn’t want to do it all the time.

We have just had this dilemma, we are currently saving for a small garden office, 2.6m by 2.6m, insulated with electrics and heating. Dp will have this and i will work from the kitchen.

Its about 8k so not cheap and obviously not an option for all but is this something you could do?

Agree the priority should be giving the kids their own rooms.

DH and I can’t share our home office. I deliver online training sessions so need quiet and privacy, and he’s on loads of calls that require his 2 screens so can’t pop out. I had our whole bedroom reconfigured to create space for a desk to work at. Realise that’s not always possible. Have you got room for a garden office? Alternatively, can you can use the shared office as your ‘base’ (paperwork, equipment etc) but largely work from a dining table?

Standing room only I’m afraid

I kind of agree with you both - the kids need their own bedrooms but there is also no way I would ever agree to share my office with DH!

I guess it partly depends on your jobs and how often you are on calls, and also how easily you are able to concentrate with background noise going on - I personally always struggled to concentrate in an open plan office, but some people love it!

Do you have a dining room or space downstairs you could squeeze in your desk so you have somewhere separate
to work?

This 💯

We have a similar issue. There's no way we could work in the same space effectively.

He's always on the phone, and I need quiet to concentrate on my tasks. I have the 'office' as i wfh more often and he works at the kitchen table or wherever in the house while he wanders around on the phone to people.

If I'm not at home, he'll use the 'office'... but generally we try to organise that we're not wfh at the same time.

it's really selfish for you and your DH to effectively have 3 rooms between the 2 of you, and your DC to share 1. You need to do something, whether it's find an alternative space for one of you, change your WFH days or whatever.

In the meantime everytime the DC moan about sharing direct them to him!

I have a desk in my 9 year olds room. He’s obviously at school all day and he knows to stay downstairs until I’ve finished work. Could this be an option?

It wouldn’t work for DH and I. We’re both on calls for the majority of the day. I can’t see either of our employers being happy with someone outside our companies listening to finance/HR/other confidential information.

I’d love to do this but think it will take a few years to save up.

I hadn’t thought of this and actually it could be a good option. Thank you!

I do think sharing an open plan office with lots of people is different to sharing a small room with 1 other. The sound with merge and dissipate, whereas it is a lot harder to ignore 1 person, particularly on the phone. But also that individual rooms is a priority.

Can you get a laptop and folding desk, or small desk that only just fits the computer? I work from home but in the living room. I just perch next to the sofa.

LOL! Yes we’re dreadfully selfish…

Begrudgingly…. You’re right about confidential info etc and I have probably not taken that seriously enough because I really want to make this change.

As someone who has done WFH with DH, please keep separate offices! We got sooooo sick of each other. Some kind of separation over the day gives a bit of distance and keeps the romance/relationship alive. As soon as one of us started to go to a co-working space instead, the relationship got back to normal again. It's just too much time to spend with your partner

Having a desk.in one of your children's rooms is not an option I don't think. That's their space. What happens in the school holidays? Would they be forced to stay out of their room during the day?

Could one of you work in the living room?

I like your suggestion of taking it slowly (especially for the kids). Good reminder, thank you.

Oooohhh co-working space… maybe we split the cost and he gets to keep his space to himself???

This. He is not working all the time he is in his office.

IMO the priority should be the home and making it work for the family's living needs. Working (from a laptop) is secondary.
DH and I both WFH on 2 adjacent desks but try to only both be there on a Friday when we tend to have fewer calls. If we have clashing calls, one of us typically has to move to another room.
I vote for switching your WFH days around if you can.

This is what we do and it works well - but our child is 9 and happy to watch tv downstairs until I finish work , but it probably won’t work forever. He is at sports camps in school holidays or I am off work so no need to be in his room.

So your husband is forcing 2 children to share because he doesn’t want to?

If he doesn’t want to share do more days in the office?