AIBU to suggest sharing the home office so the children can split bedrooms?

[Findlebarr]

Wise women of MN, I need help in settling a marital disagreement…

DH and I both have ‘hybrid’ work patterns. In a typical week we both WFH Monday & Friday and some weeks there will be an additional day.

We did a garage conversion a few years ago which created a smallish office where DH works. I have a desk set up in the spare bedroom. Up to now this has worked well and both spaces have pros and cons. DH got the office because he tends to WFH more days than I do.

The disagreement… I would really like the convert the spare bedroom into a bedroom for DC1. We have 2 DC and they have always shared but they’re getting to an age where they want their own space and it’s becoming more and more of an issue (quarrelling and moaning etc). I suggested to DH that we could move my desk into the office and share it. He is absolutely not having it. I think it would be perfectly fine - we both work in open plan set ups when we’re in the office. We both use headsets for calls/zooms. There is enough room for 2 desks side by side. DH says we would distract and annoy each other and it would be too hard when we were both on a call at the same time.

If it makes any difference we don’t tend to get on each others’ nerves or bicker etc. I don’t understand why he’s so sure it would be awful. I also asked him if he expects DC to share a room until they leave home and he didn’t really have an answer for that.

Which one of us is being unreasonable here?

YABU - sharing an office with DH will never work
YANBU - there’s no reason a couple can’t share a home office

In my office I spend a lot of time finding somewhere quiet to make a private call. Half the joy of WFH is not having to. And the headspace of the lack of background noise. Fine to share if you're both up for it but definitely understandable not to want to

I personally dont think its practical to share. Its completely different in a large open plan office taking calls and actually people DO often find it annoying and look for a pod/booth in which to take the call!

I think you are completely underestimating how irritating it would be to share a small office space at home not to mention how unhealthy to be so on top of your dh for so much time... You'd get sick of the sight of each other.

However, i dont think your kids should have to share when theres a spare room

The obvious solution is to alter wfh days so you arent both home the same day - mon and fri and both desirable days, one of you gets one, the other gets the other. Then each pick one other day.

Start looking at larger houses on Rightmove. Tell him how much the new mortgage will be each month and then make some appointments for viewings. Hopefully he will panic at the extra costs and will agree to your plan to share the office .

Room divider! Like in large offices, make yourselves two cubicles!! That will dampen the sound when on calls plus you won’t be able to see each other to distract!!! Definitely sort the kids bedrooms out, I agree!

I havent read all the comments but if it were me I'd trial it first for say a month then decide.

I gave up my office a few years ago and relocated to the dining room. I’ve got my own desk and it’s fine most of the time. Tho my partner does have to walk past to get to the kitchen but there’s been no confidentiality issues raised. It does irk me that he still has his ‘own‘ room as do the kids but I just get a bit of carved out space in the main living area.

It is convenient to just make a cup of tea or grab a glass of water whilst on calls. also a bit of a pain now the kids stay in the house sometimes for holidays whilst I work but my partners off with them. Usually I go to my eldests room where I put a big desk - tho I specifically don’t keep a monitor there as I think that would be unfair.

I think you need to give up the room I’m afraid and find an alternative but I can’t imagine sharing.

When you work from home @Findlebarr who looks after the dc

esp in school holidays

unless a nanny or gp in your home I assume they won’t be there and you can still work in their bedroom

I can’t imagine anything worse than WFH sitting next to my husband all day long. I think it would be sooooo irritating

I moved outside for a different issue (finding myself dipping in to work all the time during pandemic when office was in the house). We got a second hand shed. Not a garden office, literally a 6 x 6 shed. Husband insulated it, boarded it, put me another window in. We sorted electrics etc, painted it, cool pics and I honestly absolutely love it. I’ve got desc, monitor, cabinet, heater etc. I’ve even fit in a life size cardboard David Bowie as an office buddy (Don’t ask) Thought it was worth mentioning a shoestring approach to a garden office x

Do you think the idea of sharing an office? Like it'll be cute or something?

Fold down desk wall mounted somewhere?

I'd hate to share a small office space with my husband. He has zero respect for my workflows - it's bad enough that I WFH downstairs by myself and he ambles in for a chat. He's drive me bonkers 3ft away.

The closest I ever came to divorce was sharing a home office with dh. It’s just a pain, far more than in an actual office, someone always has to trudge out when the other has a call, it’s annoying when you’re in the middle of something, vastly different work styles, just too close. Setting up in kitchen or the kids room when they’re not there will be far better for everyone’s sanity!

I don't understand why one has to leave when the other is on a call, noise cancelling headphones are the answer

I joined hubby in his study during Covid and he got the hump about even though I thought it worked fine - maybe your DH gets distracted more easily which I think my DH found and he thought I was loud (which I wasn’t) - I ended up moving to the landing - a little end space - and it did work better - can see both sides but the kids definitely sound like they should have their own rooms so I think your DH is being unreasonable in not be willing to discuss it or come up with other solutions.

How about a garden room/office if you can afford one? Next door but one neighbours have one attached to the back of their kitchen diner. She WFH most days, so uses it as her office. I think it cost about £12k. They don't have any heating in there as they leave the kitchen door open, so the heat from the house warms it. And his adult son was able to do all the electrics. It's really nice, and was built at the company's premises and just assembled when it was delivered. The company will also do the electrics, underfloor heating, flooring etc for an extra cost.

My thoughts.

I wouldn't share an office. General ipen plan noise just blends into the background. Sitting with one person means you really tune in to what they're saying- it's much harder to block out. It will annoy your colleagues as well as each other. I'd find another room in rhe house, hallway, or somewhere. Or alternate office days

We did this and ive moved downstairs to the dining room. Got rid of the dining table that we never used anyway (was just a dumping ground) and got me a riser desk and proper chair.

It took some adaption as DH does not like change but he had to suck it up. Eldest deserved his own space.

I feel hugely uncomfortable with earphones on all day - in fact I hugely prefer them off for my calls. Wearing them for ALL calls (including his hours-long ones) would drive me bats.

And then on top of that I like ambient noise around me. In fact, my favourite kind of ambient noise is old TV shows I know off by heart. If my husband comes in, he gets distracted by the show I've been ignoring and working to immediately.

Sorry haven't read the full thread, but what about confidentiality if you are sharing the same space and are on calls and Zoom? I'm assuming you both work for different companies.

Home office sharing wouldn’t be allowed by my employer -a bank- due to confidentiality. We aren’t even allowed to work by open windows.

I agree that a home should be primarily for living in, so your children's bedrooms should be the priority. I would look at options to alter your (you and your DH) working from home days or hours so you could use the same office but not at the same time.

Or I saw this office pod advertised recently - might do the trick?

https://hullypods.com/product/dory-office-pod/

Do you and/or your DH have to wfh? Might it be more practical if you went into the office more often?

Your kids absolutely cannot share until they move out of home, there’s a good chance they’ll be living with you well into their 20s!! As they hit teenage years they need their own space, for relaxing, studying, friendships etc. It’s unfair to deny them that and I think your husband is being a bit selfish and stubborn tbh

Oh wow. Thats so cool. I want a pink pod and don’t even work from home