DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

[Firewife2]

FIRE is a sort of financial movement where you aggressively save/invest to be able to retire early /be financially free. DH is only 34 but discovered FIRE two years ago and is now utterly obsessed with it and investing aggressively. I don’t think being future aware it a bad thing, but it’s borderline obsession and I feel like he’s forgot to also live in the moment. Without being morbid, he might not even make it.

He earns a reasonable salary (takes home c.3K a month) and now allocates at least a third of this to saving/investing, so there is little room after bills for luxuries such as meals out etc.

I know it’s his choice, that’s obvious, but I am interested in what others think and it my viewpoint is unreasonable at all.

My DH did this. He is in his 60s now and the only one of any of our contemporary friendship groups still working.. We have literally millions saved or invested in property and pensions. He could stop work tomorrow and we’d live comfortably forever but he just keeps going. It’s become an obsession.

There is a risk that he gets ill or doesn’t make 50. I’m coming up to 70 and I’ve had partner and friends die very early 34, 38, 55 it does happen. It’s all about balance. I’ve always been a saver, and looking back I wish I’d paid people to do things like decorating so I’d have had more time, but again I enjoy doing things like that and brought up in an era where you did everything yourself. As long as you’re not missing out then it’s fine, but if you both are he needs to take a step back from it.

Are you happy @Namechangefordaughterevasion ?

Yes, I would hate to stop working but I am lucky enough to love my job and find it very fulfilling. My plan is to gradually shift to part time hours instead as I get older so I do want enough savings to do that.

Also - some people are in jobs where their physical health matters more. I can do mine when bed bound (and I have!), so we have people in their 70s still choosing to work at least part time (one of them I know could afford to retire several times over). But if your job requires physical health or lots of travel i can see it would be harder to imagine working into your 50s and beyond

Personally I didn't want to spend my life saving to retire early. It seems a waste of your life. Saving enough to have a comfortable retirement makes sense. But I like to eat out, have weekend breaks etc.

An obsession or does he enjoy work?
Does he spend the money? What is your life like?

Both my parents retired at 60 and then went back to working about 70% of the time but that's because they really love their jobs and there is a real skill shortage in their respective fields . however, they spend the rest of their time skiing and sailing and going to the theatre and parties so they are very much enjoying life on their terms

I'm with DH on this.

I'm 51 and discovered FIRE last year. Very late, but fortunately I work for the NHS and can take my pension at 60. I'll have enough to survive on, but I'm aggressively saving (much less than £1000 a month!) so that I have a bit extra to live on between 60 and 68 and actually enjoy my retirement before getting to state pension age. I have one holiday a year, eat out sometimes, have a good (inexpensive) social life, and am overpaying my mortgage so I'll be mortgage free by 60.

In response to lots of the discussions on this thread - I love my job, but it's physically exhausting. I won't be able to do it forever, I'll be lucky to make it to 60. Loads of us are in this position.

£3000 a month is a good salary in many fields. I'm currently on £51K, and as a nurse (middle of Band 7) who has no interest at all in management, there isn't a lot of scope to get higher (except wait 3 years for the final increment point). All these comments about it being a shit wage are really tone deaf and privileged. I do overtime and unsocial hours to bump it up, but that won't be sustainable as I get older.

Yes, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, but I probably won't. My parents and grandparents have lived to their 90's or are still alive and healthy in their late 70's, so the chances are good I'll have a long retirement, which I'd very much like to enjoy.

Everyone makes their financial decisions based on their own situation. "Live for today" is advice I wish I'd ignored 20 years ago!

Do you have children @Katbag77 ?

a partner?

I would be complaining if I couldn't retire at a similar time 🙄

This dh isn’t saving for his retirement
he is saving so he can jack in work at 50
that is a bit different

I think you have to enjoy doing FIRE. If you both don't, you need to tell him. Sounds like a compromise might be possible.

A lot of jobs aren't fun. A lot of jobs aren't good for your health. If you don't love your job, and don't need more money, why would you keep working rather than doing something you enjoy and that is good for you? If I have 40 years left I'd rather spend them enjoying myself and ensuring they're a good 40 years and I stay fit and able.

I know. Do people on here seriously think an annual salary of over 10k more than the national average is a low salary? You'd be pretty high up the pecking order as an architect or engineer to earn that

I do, but my child has autism and a LD and lives in supported housing. Currently his situation is stable, and I'm hopeful that won't change. He doesn't need my financial support. My partner and I don't live together and aren't planning to.

I'm planning my financial future around my own projected needs at this stage.

So very different to this situation where this is a parent of a young child, married (and we have no idea about his wife’s job situation)

The whole point of FIRE is to live on the minimum to save and retire early. So he's doing it right putting 1/3rd in. However it's basically a thing COUPLES have to be into together. One partner on it, and the other not, sounds to me like a recipe for disaster (by which I mean marital strife, maybe ultimately divorce). You need to tell him exactly what you are comfortable with, and if he won't adjust to meet those expectations that's another issue. Marriage is a team sport.

I guess it’s only unreasonable because he is married and this decision needs to be discussed and agreed between both parties.

I know people doing FIRE as singles / couples and they are fine with it so it’s not inherently unreasonable. Personally I prefer a bit of balance rather than wait to do everything in retirement.

I will say I am very impressed on how much he can set aside on £3k a year.

I am on more than that and struggle to set aside 18% (not including pension)!!!

I'm not saying my situation is the same. Obviously it's not, I'm 20 years older (as stated in my first post) I'm saying that I wish I'd started thinking about FIRE years ago, that lots of us know we won't be able to work in our chosen profession indefinitely (exhaustion, burnout, whatever) and that planning to be able to support yourself when that happens is a good idea, no matter what your current income. Some people value future security more than holidays now, and that's fine.

I wish I'd had a partner with OP's mindset back when I was in my early 30's!

He strikes me as the kind of person who is not interested in your views or perspective. Not the foundation for a long lasting relationship

I don’t even think it’s about retiring though, it’s about options. The option to go part time in a few years, take a lower paid job that’s much less stress or in an area that you’re actually interested in. Or to start a company. They call it ‘fuck you money’ I think in FIRE - the ability to walk away from a job if it all gets too much or toxic or too stressful.

Have to say OP also, with young children, flexibility and stability are so important. Especially the finishing early to spend time with said kids. I stay in my role also for that reason, because I get a degree of flexibility and have been there for a while so would get a decent payout if let go.

Also, please play about with a compound interest calculator, for all those saying it’s pointless and subsistence living. Over ten years of saving £1k a month in investment accounts, it would be worth roughly £190k at the end of that period. If you then leave that invested and don’t put a penny more in, it could be worth about £440k in another ten years. Thats paying off the mortgage money, or a lump sum so you can both be part time

Same, I came here for the cut price fireworks displays and the defence of swaling.

I think he’s right. You have a holiday and bills paid. He’s just cutting luxuries so later life is better. This is sensible.

Yes I think there’s probably a lot more going on here