DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

[Firewife2]

FIRE is a sort of financial movement where you aggressively save/invest to be able to retire early /be financially free. DH is only 34 but discovered FIRE two years ago and is now utterly obsessed with it and investing aggressively. I don’t think being future aware it a bad thing, but it’s borderline obsession and I feel like he’s forgot to also live in the moment. Without being morbid, he might not even make it.

He earns a reasonable salary (takes home c.3K a month) and now allocates at least a third of this to saving/investing, so there is little room after bills for luxuries such as meals out etc.

I know it’s his choice, that’s obvious, but I am interested in what others think and it my viewpoint is unreasonable at all.

For me FIRE would also mean the possibility to for example retrain to a more fulfilling but much lower paid profession. And possibly work in the profession on a part time/ temping basis. But doing that in late 40s or early 50s requires enough funds to manage even if you won’t actually find employment as a newly graduated professional aged 53…or similar…

My partner earns just a tickle more than your husband OP and there is absolutely no way he could save a third a month. And we have no kids, no foreign holidays and only modest second hand cars. I want to know his secret!

He has limited progression in his current company but a host of benefits such as generous pension contributions and relative job security (good pay out if let go). So whilst there’s jobs he would be interested in with greater earning potential, he’s reluctant to move currently.

Relatively low Mortgage/bills probably the main difference. We will increase that soon though, so will have to see how he does then.

Totally agree with you. YANBU.
I've seen this first hand with my dad who worked tirelessly all his life, sometimes holding down 3 jobs at a time. Saved, saved and saved some more. Was still working into his 70's, a physical job. Then one day had a stroke, a bad one. 6 months later had another.
Never got to retire and enjoy his hard earned cash. Now he can't drive or go abroad on holidays.
Shame he didn't retire sooner and travel to all the places he wanted to.
Saving is important I think. But living is too. You never know what the future holds.

£3k is subsidence living though? Where is a new car coming from. What about university fees and costs.

His car is paid off, about 5 years old. Uni is a way off.

This issue aside, what is the marriage like? I be otherwise a loving supportive husband who you love despite his obsession?

Are you starting to get pissed off with all the cutting back?

At his age his focus really should be on skilling up to increase his earning potential

What's your salary op? I think you need a proper discussion about what you both want and how to achieve it. Your wants are important too. Could you earn more? I think you need to make sure your joint income is creating wealth for both of you not just him, and creating fun for both of you too.

My dh is a spender in comparison to me. Without me, we wouldn't have anything saved outside of our work pension. We wished we started in our 30s, even £200 a month would compounded into something quite significant but not many knew much about investing 20 years ago. Now, everyone can just download an app, watch some YouTube videos and off you go. We only started investing 3 years ago, when we paid off our mortgage. Even with the 1k a month, we can't see ourselves retire anytime soon the next 7 years.

If we investigated in out 30s, we would have retired by now. Some days it's tough to work in a job you hate. I dread having to job hunt if I lose my current job. Not all jobs are 50+ friendly. We are in our 50s.

If you still able afford yearly holidays, I can't see the issue.

its a lovely idea but my two brothers and a sister have died before 50 plus many many friends so 🤷‍♀️I’m not sure it’s worth missing fun now . You are so young . Maybe invest more in later life when you feel you have less to miss out on as you’ve already done a lot of stuff.

Op he can do fire but also tweak it ever so slightly ! Each month he should allocate a teeny amount to going out and fun

I think it's about balance

But if he only earns £3k a month surely he'd be best of pushing hard in his career to get a higher paying job?

I don't think £1k a month is insane if that includes his pension contributions?

yes, several of my friends died before their 40s even. None of us are guaranteed an old age- it's good to strike a balance between living now and saving for the future

I am very aware of the fact that not all of us are lucky enough to have a long (much less healthy) life, and I agree that balance is important, but saying 'life is for living' is too easy of an excuse to spend and let tomorrow take care of itself, regardless of how exactly that will work. Where do you stop living for today and start saving for tomorrow? It's hard enough as it is to defer pleasure until a later date without that motto on repeat in your head, in my opinion.

You say 'only earns 3k a month' and he should push to get higher. Based a plan 1 student loan and a 5% pension contribution you'd have to be earning £50k plus a year to bring that in monthly. He could be pretty high up already in quite a few professions you realise?

I feel for your DC. My ex-husband's parents were both like this. He had a very impoverished children despite the fact that his father earned extremely well. His dad was obsessed with penny pinching during ex's childhood. Some of his stories are really sad - no new clothes in fact ex was awfully bullied at school for wearing old, ripped and far too short clothes, no meals out etc... As soon as we married, Ex-PIL sold their mortgage free home where ex and his sister had to share a bedroom until uni, bought themselves a lovely cottage mortgage free and basically lived the dream of multiple holidays abroad, new cars and meals out. They sacrificed their children's childhood in order to have a luxurious retirement. interestingly both Ex and his DS are NC with their parents who have never met their teen grandchildren.

Pension contributions already taken before the 3k take home. Should note that he has a lot of flexibility in his role too and can finish early most days which has been great with a young child. He wouldn’t necessarily get that with a higher paid job.

I'm slightly with OP's DH. I spent my1950s childhood in significant poverty [forced retirement of terminally ill father at 41; minute occupational pension; no family support; no additional State support.].
After his death, at 46, my mother cleaned houses. I left school at 16 to contribute from my wages.
Fortunately, I took a chance, mid 20's, to retrain. Worked in public service for 30+ years, gaining promotions, working my socks off. Thanks to my index-linked pension, plus down-sizing from the London house I"d been able to buy after 14years deposit-saving + 3x salary mortgage (late 1970s; impossible now), I am now in a position to enjoy a secure, comfortable, unostentatious life. I can, and do, afford good theatre tickets whenever I like (which is often). I can travel if and when I want to. I am relieved of financial uncertainty. I can choose to do what I like.

Believe me: poverty is unpleasant, uncomfortable and also - people never say this - very very boring, because you can never afford more than bumping along the rock-bottom. Poverty + old age combined is insupportable and to be avoided with every effort you can make.
I'd just make sure that this effort is for both of you and for your DC.

I think it’s also worth considering to what extent spending money equals enjoying life. Personally I just no longer get much pleasure from buying new clothes or things for that matter. I do enjoy a nice meal out, but equally enjoy a walk in the forest with coffee in thermos. I mainly dye my own hair, not that I wouldn’t like to go to hairdressers as well, but it’s also not something that I truly enjoy that much. Traveling is something I enjoy and spend money on, but really a lot of the daily pleasures actually don’t require spending much money.

Thats a fair comment. We don't spend much on cars (we are happy with small and second hand but reliable ones) and I don't really spend on beauty stuff beyond the odd perfume and haircut .

But we do love travel and music concerts and trips to the theatre and travelling to see friends, and I use the library but also like to buy beautiful editions of books if I know I will read them again and again

Prioritising what brings you pleasure and making space for that is important. it's just about balancing that with saving and investing for the future

Has the OP confirmed whether she works and, if so, what she is paid and how much saves? I see the Op has been asked a few times but i see no response

I don’t understand why people want to retired im their 50s

its too soon. We hsve, potentially, another 40 years

earn, work,whilst you sre fit and anle

is he working on progressing his career? £3k a month isnt huge

You and I clearly enjoy our jobs

if I didn’t… then I guess not working at 50 would be appealing

it is odd you can’t understand that tbh