DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

[Firewife2]

FIRE is a sort of financial movement where you aggressively save/invest to be able to retire early /be financially free. DH is only 34 but discovered FIRE two years ago and is now utterly obsessed with it and investing aggressively. I don’t think being future aware it a bad thing, but it’s borderline obsession and I feel like he’s forgot to also live in the moment. Without being morbid, he might not even make it.

He earns a reasonable salary (takes home c.3K a month) and now allocates at least a third of this to saving/investing, so there is little room after bills for luxuries such as meals out etc.

I know it’s his choice, that’s obvious, but I am interested in what others think and it my viewpoint is unreasonable at all.

What a wonderfully neutral way to ask....

New to mumsnet?

You sound a perfect candidate for it though…. 44 and single and
no dependents (presuming as such given you don’t mention!)

I am a very young 56, and am 2 years into enjoying a very active retirement.

Does saving £1k a month cause a struggle, or a decline in living standards? If so, he is being unreasonable.

If not, tbh I think he is sensible. At 34, the current state retirement age is 68, and who knows what the situation will be by then. Yes, some may not live that long but it’s likely he will, and imo being able to retire at a younger age is worth more than an extra holiday a year and meals out you won’t remember. I’m not saying be miserable and go without any pleasure in life but I think people do reach an age where freedom and time means more than anything but you need money to enjoy that.

There are many energetic people in their 50s and 60s. I have a friend in their late 60s who has more energy than I do and I’m over 30 years younger

I'm in favour of FIRE. But in reasonable balance.

Due to that attitude, although I started earlier and didn't hear it called that for ages, I didn't have to work from about age 38 if I was happy to live frugally.

So now I work some and then take some months off.

It depends what's important to you. I have an old car which runs fine, I buy clothes from charity shops but have no issue with that, I don't have subscriptions except the gym, mostly shop at Aldi/Lidl, but I eat out a few times a month and I holiday one or two times a year.
So I feel I have a decent quality of life.

With income of £3k/mth, I would be saving about £1k/mth too, so it seems pretty fine for me.

I know nothing about FIRE but do think savings goals in a relationship shd be both people on the same page. So won't work if one person is overly frugal or spendy.

I never saved 'for' my children, but they have very much benefited from my saving habit, having been put through university and provided with good house deposits and helped in numerous other ways.

It was a deliberate choice not to save money specifically for them because it felt important not to be committed to handing a large sum over to an 18yo regardless of what was going on in their life.

Ok so OP, do you want to leave him? Because a very different attitude to finances is one of the key indicators of divorce.

do you think you can compromise? Set a budget including holidays fun and saving and both stick to it?

Wot a boring bastard. At 34 . Saving is great but life is for living . I have enough money but don't have the health , inclination or partner to enjoy it .

I wish my younger self had invested more so that I could retire sooner and comfortably, working in your fifties is not fun

So I’m FIRE’d, and life is fab, I’m glad I found the idea of it…however! As you’re married I’d suggest you both need to get in the same page in terms of short/mid/long term goals. Him using family/joint finances to supplement his own plans is selfish and could leave you and DC quite exposed.

I think he's very sensible

How restrictive is he being?

It's so easy to give money away for things and for food and so on. Always pay yourself first, I believe in that.

If I could've found a man like that in my 30s, I might have settled down! I was always the one scrimping and saving. Was so worth it.

I’m also investing relatively aggressively right now to gain financial freedom at some point. But the difference is that as parents of young kids we wouldn’t have that many nights out and weekends away anyway. I also won’t refuse anything like eating out with friends or even occasional trips because of this. I’m just quite mindful about what I spend on, and try not to spend on things that won’t add value for me. I’ve also done lots of traveling up to my later 30s, so I’m fine to do less of that now in my 40s. So, I think there needs to be a balance where you still enjoy life now. Does he have potential to earn more? I think he should allocate some money on fun each month. Otherwise life gets too boring for you both. And as said, there’s no guarantee he’ll reach his 50s. Personally I don’t feel like my investments will be wasted even in the event that I won’t. It will go to my children in that case, and give them an easier life.

Just somthing to think about I was able to retire early, bit of planning but more luck. I started to get ill mid - late 40’s by 55 I had to retire early.
just getting you to think about the future you may not be capable of travel, things change for women around menopause.

Sounds utterly joyless. I can’t imagine giving up fun and spontaneity in my 30s for the possibility of travelling in my 50s. What a waste. But each to their own.

Balance is good.
Don't deny yourself.
But equally don't not plan for th future.
Everything in moderation.

My DP is into this, he’s determined to retire at 55. I’m in my late forties and I’ve opted to reduce my hours as I’d prefer to work for more years but fewer hours so I have more leisure time now whilst I’m still well and able. We both pay half of all living costs, so just let each other get on with it. We have no kids, though. I’m really hoping he doesn’t retire at 55 though as he’ll be under my feet driving me mad!

As someone who is early 60’s and in a manual job with not enough savings to retire early, I wish I had done something like that.
I think balance is the key

I dont think its the norm to save for children for them to have their own pot. They're children, they're funded and their parents' financial security is also their own by default

I certainly wish I was able to retire early. Why wouldnt you plan for that?

Oh me too, thats why I opened this. I love fires.

That is the opposite of a spendthrift ! A spendthrift is someone who is reckless and extravagant with money. So you rather than your partner .

Assuming you also work and given his take home salary I don't think 1k is an excessive amount to be saving each month. My DH and I also aim to save about 1/3 of our take home towards savings and investments.

We go out a few times a month, take 2 holidays a year, have a kid in nursery. But we have also never really cared about fashion, cars, or gadgets so naturally spend less than others. Think the hardest thing for us was reducing our takeaways and swapping to Asda (Waitrose/Sainsbury are my preference!). I buy most clothing/toys/child specific stuff on Vinted which saves a fair amount, but I find hunting around for a deal fun rather than miserly and I appreciate others would feel differently

Ok fire is great if you're single and don't want a life when you are young. You can get to 40 and that's it...ok on the outside but you have to live like a monk and save everything.
We saved like mad but still had some social life. I retired at 55. Got a part time fill the hours, pay for cider job where I work max 10 hours a week. My wife cleans for a few people. We are out a lot, bought a campervan which was fitted out to our specifications, so away a lot.
So you can save a lot but still have a great life...we have batch cooked on Sundays for 25+ years because it frees up time in the week and saves money. We boil the kettle for 2 flasks in the morning so we have hot water for coffee..,.