Transgender niece

[Stargazelamb]

My niece lives in another country and I’ve just heard that she is becoming a he. She has changed her name, is taking hormone medication and now has facial hair. She is a transgender boy. However she sees herself as a boy. AIBU to think she will never be a biological boy and to refer to her as a transgender boy? I realise this could be an emotive topic.

...And it was right up your street.

👍

Edited to add - I did chuckle that you managed to get ‘cult’ in there. You said it.

In my case I use the name and pronouns my nephew wants. I've never had to use the word trans when talking to him. But if I have to describe him to others, I do say he's a trans man. Personally I know she is female but that makes no difference in my family or with him, because I dont think its that important ultimately. He's the one living it and I want him to be happy.

Well yeah, that’s how discussion forums work. You comment on topics that interest you. Hence why I don’t go near baby names. Baffling.

No you aren't. People like you aren't used to being challenged on the information you regurgitate, and now you're seething at being called out for having nothing of substance, no knowledge beyond surface level.

So then you try to berate and shame and deflect. People like you are a dime a dozen. Sozzlez to break it to ya.

Later!!! 😘

Yeah right

A performance of masculinity or femininity does not a reality make.

I must’ve missed this information ‘challenge’. I know you can’t change sex. Trans people have the same rights as everyone else. I asked you to prove me wrong, you just blow hot air. Typical TRA tactic. It’s boring. You’ve ‘laters’ a couple of times now 🫤. Im still waiting for whatever it is you’ve ’broken down to me’.

Yet being gay was classed as a mental illness until the early 70's. Fortunately we've come a long way since then, about being gay anyway.....

It’s called transing away the gay. It’s a form of conversion encouraged by transactivists ironically.

@RudolphTheReindeer So you wear Dresses, skirts,

No, because I look stupid in them.

Bras

Why would I wear a bra? I don't wear things that I have no reason to wear.

and get your trousers and underwear from the women's department then?

Women's trousers are fitted to women's body shapes, so they don't fit me.

Underwear made for women doesn't fit me either.

I'm not sure what your point is, and I strongly suspect you don't know what your point is either. The fact that I wear clothes which fit men's body shapes doesn't mean I am wearing "male identified clothing." The clothing I wear is completely gender neutral. I wear shirts, trousers, and sweaters... clothes made for literally everyone.

As a transman myself, my opinion, OP, is that you're perfectly right that your niece is a transgender boy, not a boy. She will never be a boy, by definition.

However, I can't recommend enough that you don't discuss this with her or, really, anyone in your common family. If she's just transitioned, she's simply too invested into propping that identity up. Anything negative will be taken as an attack. You will become the bigoted old aunt she will try to cut herself off from. There's no point to that.

You don't have to fake an enthusiasm you don't feel about her transition, but you can keep on being interested in her person, her life, her achievements and so on. Unless people bring it up themselves, there should be no reason for the word "trans" to ever come up at all.

So yeah, she's wrong to think she's a non-trans boy, but it really doesn't matter. This is not about who is right or wrong; it's about you not losing your connection to your niece.

I'm yet to be called a TRA so the bingo card is not quite a full house.

It’s also indeed abusive to demand people chant the rituals of a belief system they don’t believe in.

We can all understand it is not respectful to make an atheist pray in school.
or to make a Christian give thanks to Allah.

just because a believer is in the room and likes it

Gender neutral clothing wouldn't be cut for a man's or woman's body shape.

We don't know enough about the "trans" condition to know exactly what it is because the trans lobby haven't until recently allowed any real research in to being trans.

But whether its a mental illness, social contagion, wanting to wear the clothes of the opposite sex, gender dysphoria, AGP, fetishes or any of the other things that is claimed, the one thing that we should all be agreeing upon is that single sex spaces should remain sex, and it doesn't matter whether that is toilets, DV shelters, rape crisis, sports, grants and bursarys. They should be (and are) protected for the sex that they are for.

How often does someone actually call you a cis woman though?. I think maybe once it was on a medical form for my gynecologist who actually sees me with my pants off.

I have never been called a cis woman by a relative or in a social situation.

I swear mumsnet is a parallel universe sometimes.

I agree

when would you need to make reference that they are a transgender boy unless someone directly asks

I am afraid that you have missed the point.

If the trans lobby is going to continue to moan about being misgendered (called the correct pronouns for their sex) then they shouldn't label other people.

But then this is about one side trying to coerce other people to follow their views by changing the language to suit their purpose.

A downside of celebrating the new identity that I would fear is hastening the path towards irreversible harm - such as removing breasts.
so I'm not sure how "supportive" it actually is to pretend you think she has actually become a boy.

Dr here. Please get educated and please call him your nephew. It is that simple. Compassion.

🤣🤣

For what other condition do people support taking a perfectly healthy body and attempt drastic surgical or pharmaceutical changes that could have lifelong negative impacts on their physical health?

Furthermore in what other situation do people get to go back and re-write their birth certificates, the most fundamental of ID documents? (And no not in adoption, where the short form gives new name but no parents, and long form says adopted).

Why are the trans identifying girls so clearly linked to backgrounds or trauma, abuse or ASD?

Surgery and hormones should be a last resort not a first one, and only after extensive counselling into background, understanding, reasons etc.

It is shocking how linking the T to LGB has enabled people to ignore basic safeguarding and common sense and biology.

But all this is bye the bye for the OP. So i would still say go along with the name, and ignore the topic entirely.

The thing is you can't do anything about it. You can't control what medications they take or how they refer to themselves. You aren't present enough to influence anything. You are a loving aunt that can either choose to accept how they define themselves or you can alienate them and be totally absent. Even a parent couldn't do a huge amount because they are an adult.

However, I do think its normal to grieve the life you thought they would have and the relationship you thought you'd have.