Transgender niece

[Stargazelamb]

My niece lives in another country and I’ve just heard that she is becoming a he. She has changed her name, is taking hormone medication and now has facial hair. She is a transgender boy. However she sees herself as a boy. AIBU to think she will never be a biological boy and to refer to her as a transgender boy? I realise this could be an emotive topic.

Regardless of if you agree with their decision (assuming the nephew is an adult) referring to them in their chosen way is respectful

I would tell them that you love and support them and will use whatever name and pronouns they want you to use. You dont have to refer to them as a boy or address the biological or trans issue. Im not sure how that will come up. Its not a conversation point.

He is a boy. Transgender is an adjective.

That would be affirming an idea that something was wrong with how she was born.

It could be best to try to stay neutral perhaps just using a name she wants.

I will of course use the new name and refer to him and buy the appropriate card and be supportive. This post is coming from a place of understanding and wanting to support. I guess I am maybe feeling wrong to think my niece will always be a girl and not a boy

*Niece. Names can be changed yes, sex cannot. She’ll never be the OP’s nephew. Language matters.

Ok. Thank you.

Give it time. My experience of having a trans family member is that it feels strange at first but that you surprisingly quickly come to accept their new gender identity and it starts to seem strange that you ever knew them as their old gender.

If you want to be supportive why are you going to refer to him as a transgender boy?

Wouldnt it be rather strange to refer to “my niece James and his partner”?

Your niece will always be a girl OP, but for the sake of family harmony I would go along with the name change. FWIW I have a niece who has changed her name to something non-binary. So far, no pronoun change, although I won't be surprised if that follows at some point. I don't agree with any of it, but it's not my business and I don't comment.

Thank you. My niece is 19 and I don’t see her often so it may take longer but I’m thinking that will be the case. I’ve just heard so I’m just trying to get my head around it. At the moment she is she/him, her/he every other sentence.

Because that’s what he is?

Obviously they aren’t a biological boy, but do you have to refer to them as a transgender boy to their face? Just call them by the name they ask and keep it moving.

They didn’t say they were changing sex. She said they are “trans gender”

OP it is absolutely no skin off your nose what they choose to do. Get a grip.

‘My niece James who is a trans identified female and her partner’. Not strange at all. It’s the reality of the situation.

He probably doesn’t think of himself as a biological man either - I know my trans relative doesn’t.

I won’t bring this up with him. However, if asked I won’t lie and pretend I think he is anything other than a transgender boy

Ok

You are not wrong @Stargazelamb . Your niece may possibly want to think again one day. It is difficult though to find a way to remain loving and supportive of her as a person but also neutral, leaving her space to neither ‘dig in’ on the one hand or feel she can’t ever change her mind on the other.

Try the “Feminism: sex and gender board.” There are knowledgeable people there who might well give much more helpful advice.

It would really help though to say how old your niece is, under or over eighteen? What sort of character? What sort of life has she had? And, it woukd help to know the country she is in as that has a bearing on the attitudes, societal pressures and laws.

Adjective of what? Please explain

Yes brilliant solution if you want to slap in the face both James and his family who are trying to support him. But if language matters more to you than love and respect, then by all means crack on.

I have a young person on my life who identifies differently to their biological sex.
I use their preferred name and pronouns but I find it hard to identify them as "my xx" rather than "my yy" as I've been calling them for years

Its interesting how many posters say that about "trans" people yet are happy tpo refer to woman as "cis" when they ahve been asked not to..
Its a bit of that trans double standard

It’s not going to make them happy when they’re asked to use the ladies and they cannot see why they should though is it. They need to know that they cannot change sex.