AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

@Nowarunner2026 have you reminded him how one-sided the give and take, sorry, I mean ‘take and take’ has been? The bloody hypocrite, he needs a shake. You are both working, neither of you is the default parent and you can remind him that he seems to have no problem with all these things as long as it benefits him. The absolute selfish, hypocritical PIG! Ugh. Fuming for you.

OP just crack on. Make your overnight oats, set your alarm loudly for 5am and remind him that he’ll need to be cooking you nutritious meals 😂😂

I’ll be honest, just because the London marathon is such a huge deal I think it’s awful of him, but any other marathon, I honestly think people who run marathons do spend too much family time away from the kids, and if you’re going early I’m the morning chances are you’ll be exhausted after work and something will have to give/ the kids will get the brunt of it.

While your dh is being a dick, people here would probably say tables turned- your dh turning around to you saying I’ll do this and this and this because you’ll be here to cover me, would be irritating to say the least!!

One other practical aspect OP for the long runs, I can’t run for at least an hour after eating, so I used to set an alarm to eat then doze on the sofa for an hour before heading out. Absolute max I can run for without eating in the morning is 10k/1 hour. Just mentioning as it does make getting out for 5am that much harder.

You’re just burying your head in the sand op about the actual issue.

Your husband is a horrible selfish man.

if you don’t want to accept that and do anything about it on your behalf because it’s too painful to admit to yourself, that would be up to you.

but you have kids. You two are currently modelling to them that how families work is that the dad does whatever the hell he wants. The mum doesn’t though, whether that’s a job or a hobby. Choice isn’t available to women. And if she begs for a bit of equality, the man is to go in a mood. Day in and day out, that is what they are learning.

His behaviour is outrageous! He’s has child free time, you should also have child free time. I can’t believe his default position is to not be supportive. I would work around him, tell all your family and friends loudly that he won’t do childcare so can they help out for your long runs, and ask everyone to come watch you except him. Shame him and then smash it!

I think this is only valid if you are attempting to be like Spencer Matthews, and have a new marathon to train for every week.
this is such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, especially when the time she’d be having to herself probably is the same amount of time he spends watching football for one season.

You have a DH problem. He’s being ridiculously unfair. It sounds a lot like he is cross because you having some time out to do this will mean he’ll have less him time and will have to look after his own children.

How can you be with someone so un supportive. I’m actually shocked how selfish he is . I would be re thinking my marriage

I’m sorry but you husband is a complete and utter wanker. He’s jealous of you. Ok for him to bugger off to watch football. Do shifts and anything else he wants to do and not give a crap about you. But when you have a dream he pisses all over it. For most people the marathon is a dream. Getting that medal. Saying you done it. I have loads of mates who have done it. I do loads of stuff for charity. Did march for men last weekend. Do charity stuff for MS. My partner is fantastic. Comes with me and waits at the finish line with camera ready. What you have is a dream killer selfish partner

He doesn’t like you. He doesn’t want you to do well at work. He doesn’t want you to be successful in your hobby. He is not proud of you for wanting to be the best version of you.

Its not just about equal leisure time, its about having a partner who wants the best for you and gets pleasure from supporting you in that process.

Sorry but he’s awful and you deserve much more from your life partner.

Fuck him. Take your friend up on their offer and just go running. I would be checking out of this marriage. You can use your running time to plan your escape

@Nowarunner2026 he must have faith in you though to stick with it to be so worried about being left with the children and disturbing his sleep, my DH would just laugh and say ‘I give it a week!’

Your husband is afraid you'll succeed where he didn't. He's a jealous, selfish pig. He's actively working to keep you down at work by having you turn down a possible promotion and to not accomplish something that might give you positive attention.

Your kids are watching what you're modeling for them. Do you want them in misogynistic relationships where the man works to make his partner's life smaller because he's jealous and has to get off his ass to make breakfast for one more day?

I don't know if your relationship is salvageable. Your husband resents you and has contempt for you and actively tries to make you less. He will sabotage you if he gets the chance.

He’s giving me the ick

This is nonsense. If you are a regular runner, a normal weekday training run before work doesn’t leave you so exhausted you can’t function normally after work. Your body gets used to it and most training runs don’t take much more than an hour or so (exception being the long runs which even in marathon training are likely to peak at around 3-3.5h but which again shouldn’t leave you too exhausted to function the rest of the day). Parents can and should have their own hobbies and I really don’t think the kids suffer if one parent is gone 5am-6/6.30am a few times a week and 5am-8am one day in the weekend.

I agree. It’s the ultras (90ks) that affect family life seriously. In that my DH is regularly running a marathon on a Sunday morning just during his training. He’s still making sure he’s pulling his weight. If he were running one marathon per year I would barely notice.

But Op isn't a regular distsnce runner.

My experience of training for a 1st marathon, after 5 years of running up to half marathons, was this it is all consuming and did leave very little energy for anything else.

It also took a long time to recover, mentally and physically, afterwards, and all that did impact family life.

True, but the post I quoted talked about “people who run marathons” so I took that to mean generally someone who does them regularly rather than the OP. Agreed that first time is the hardest and of course base level of fitness and individual ability will be different for everyone.

@Kingfisherfly

so what’s the answer then? The ballot be closed to anyone who is a parent to avoid it impacting on family time?

Of course you're right but if the OP's husband is not supporting her training she might have to find other ways around it or give up on it until the children are older.

Just do it.

if he leaves at 6.30am just go at 5am and be home before he leaves.

get up Sunday and go. Don’t ask, don’t plan it. He’s also the children’s father so if you aren’t there he can deal with them the same way you have to if he’s not there.

Od start tit for tat too if needed. So if he starts sabotaging you get up and go half an hour before you know he’s leaving for footie and come back after he needs to leave.

Just rinse and repeat “if you won’t do your fair share of parenting - why should I?”

BTW - he sounds like an arse.

Umm. Of course not, people can make their choices, but I don't think it's helpful to pretend it's easily managable, and as OP is not a runner, it's not possible that she fully understands what it will take out of you. It's much more than the time scheduled for running.

I did it when mine were 8&10 and didn't do another for 11 years. If I had my time again, I wouldn't do it with young DC. I did effectively lose a year of their childhood.

I don’t think this is the point, but rather than as OP is not a regular runner or distance runner, a marathon training block is going to be hard work and it will take significantly more than just the time spent running, pointing that out isn’t wrong.

I did my first marathon before I had my children but often finished my long run on a weekend, especially once they were hitting the 10+ mile mark, and just had zero energy left for the day for basically anything else. When it’s your first time covering those distances regularly and when your starting point is the odd 5k it is really unrealistic to even pretend that all this is going to “cost” is the actual time spent running. Not that it means OP shouldn’t do it, but it’s something to be really prepared for and consider properly.

I’m sorry OP, I’m not normally one of the LTB posters on a thread but your husband sounds like an utter prick, completely selfish.

Both of your updates have made him sound so much worse. He expects his free time and to do what he wants and have your support, but won’t even consider the same for you?

what do you get out of this marriage honestly? It doesn’t sound like he loves or cares for you, and he certainly doesn’t believe you’re his equal.