AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

All these tips are what I did and I had a supportive dh! (But young dc)

I'm sorry your DH is so unsupportive.

Is he always this selfish?
YANBU. Crack on. Do you have family and friends who can help if he continues being a petulant man child? Make sure you have a concrete plan for child care on race weekend and a backup option, as I would put money on him having some essential commitment that weekend.

@Nowarunner2026 You should only do all your runs at 5am if he’s also doing his weekend football at 5am. Why should you have to rise at the crack of dawn for your hobby if he doesn’t have to for his?

And I say this as someone whose partner recently ran the marathon and yes the training was sometimes a pain in the arse, but it was only temporary and it was a big deal for him so I sucked it up.

I supported my DH to do an Ironman. He supported me doing a part time MBA. We made it work because we care about each other and support each other's hobbies, interests and dreams

Im sorry OP your DH sounds awful and I couldnt stay with someone who treated me like this

Then you tell him that you won’t be looking after his children so he can go to the football every weekend and neither will you be looking after them so he can go away with his friends.

My ex-H was exactly the same. Selfish fucker. I divorced him in the end and that put paid to him going to the match every weekend, as he had to look after his son.

He's very selfish. Won't look after the children while you run. But I assume he thinks it's fine for you to look after them while he goes to football or away with hus friends!

I used to run until I got an injury. My husband wasn't particularly supportive (I think it just didn't interest him and when I was doing long endurance runs it did interfere with family life to some extent.) But he didn't try to obstruct me from doing it and I made it quite clear that we shared parenting and could both claim some time for ourselves. I would have left him if he was like yours.

So does he see you as another household appliance?

Did you point out to him that he's been doing his hobby every weekend for years? I'd be interested to know his response

@Nowarunner2026 have you done more than a 5K every few weeks? If you haven’t, I wouldn’t be supportive at all. This is going to end up injury hell.

Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

The above, combined with your willingness to run early in the mornings before he leaves for work and Sunday mornings quite early tells me that your 'D'H is a complete and utter selfish arsehole who had double standards (ok for him to 'sacrifice family time' but not you). He clearly doesn't like you and has no interest in supporting you as it will come at his 'expense' in terms of stepping up with his own children.

I'm sorry you're tied to such a selfish arsehole. I would just get on with it and tell him he'll have to figure it out on your mornings, just like you do when he pisses off to play football regularly and hand out with his friends and pick up inconvenient shifts without discussion etc.

Your husband is being incredibly selfish and unreasonable. He will get angry and refuse to talk about it because he knows he's selfish and unreasonable and he can't actually justify it to you, but he doesn't care. It is annoying to him to have even the smallest possibility of making any kind of sacrifice to support you, even if it's only a couple of hours alone with the kids on Sunday mornings.

OP, I would tell him: "You being unable to support me in this is making me see you and our marriage very differently. I have always supported you to be able to do your sport, and all I am asking is the same support from you. In fact, I'm not even asking, because I don't recall you asking me if it was okay for me to look after the kids by myself while you did your sports on an evening or weekend. You are asking me to give up my sport because you are worried you might be mildly inconvenienced, and that is honestly making me see you in such a different light. I will be running the marathon and I will be training for it, because that is my decision. If you are telling me that you refuse to look after and parent your own children unless I'm there as well, then please say that clearly so I can work out my next move. And it won't be to give up on the marathon."

Could you run when he’s home from his shift? What’s stopping you from just going…

Your husband is a dickhole.

I know a few marathoners with kids, they take turns training and running for different races. The one who's not running picks up the slack. And that's with younger kids than yours.

My husband was always supportive when I wanted to do a big project and vice versa.

Your husband sees you as the domestic drudge there to support him and his hobbies and raise the kids. He's a misogynist. You're setting a good example for your kids training and working towards a big goal. Your husband refuses to be a part of that. He wants you to have a small life so he can play when he wants.

I was going to post exactly the same thing. He sees you as an appliance. A household object that isn’t doing what it should be doing. He’s the sort of man that if you divorced he’d find another woman before the papers landed.

How dare you do anything that sets you apart from being the fuckable domestic appliance. He's jealous of you - he plays football once a week and probably thinks he could have been Ronaldo had he not been held back 🙄

Nasty bastard. Please, OP, shame this prick as much as you can and ask for support from family/friends with the kids and explain exactly why. If you were my friend, I would babysit in a heartbeat and give shithead a piece of my mind.

I agree with this too. Am I fuck doing my runs at 5am! At the weekend I will go out for a couple of hours at some point, whenever fits around what we are doing, and DH is perfectly capable of looking after his own children for that time (just as I do frequently).

Last weekend for example I went out running for a couple of hours in the afternoon, then the next day I took DC to soft play for a couple of hours in the morning and DH had some time to himself. We didn’t need to sit down and discuss it, it was just a natural way to do things - I’d had some good time to do my thing, he then had some good time to do his thing, and the rest of the weekend we spent in various formulations of all four together, one adult with one child, etc.

There is plenty of time to train for the next London marathon, with a sensible schedule and support.

He’s jealous!

Your husband resents you and doesn't want you to achieve something he hasn't. His ego is feeling threatened.

He's an arse!

Your husband is an arse. Of course he should support you. What a lazy selfish bastard.

Your DH is crap. LTB and run the marathon to celebrate!

Did you post about this last year? It sounds familiar

I would just simply say if he’s out at the football Saturday then I am taking Sunday. Equal access to leisure time.

If he’s away with his mates for 3 days then you go ‘away with your mates’ for 3 days (on a running weekend)

@Nowarunner2026what was his response with you discussed him going to football every single week? Im very curious as to how he squares that circle when he’s moaning about you compromising “family time”?!

To be honest this would be an issue in our house. We both work full time, and between kids activities, and stuff that needs doing round the house & getting enough sleep, neither one of us has enough individual free time to train for a marathon. Its such a huge time commitment that one of us doing this would mean the other giving up essentially all their own free time to cover the running parents share of family responsibilities. Neither of us would do that to the other.