AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

Estimate how many hours he's been off playing/watching football since you first became parents and draw a big bar chart on a long piece of paper so it shows how many hours marathon training he owes you.

Do your training and colour it in your bar with the hours spent. He can complain about having to look after DC while you train for the marathon when your bar on the chart gets bigger than his.

I completely agree; and was sort of my point: training takes a lot of time (even if only once) and it absolutely can and should be something that someone can do within a relationship where you are caring for others (in this case kids) but there needs to be give and take in terms of free time (even if not equally divided week to week, across a larger period of time). It's not about the marathon, it's about what you do with the free time. And I also agree with @Pistachiocake cos that's where everyone gets pissed off with their husbands is not that husbands are doing hobbies, it's more that it is unevenly balanced and not acknowledged and more often than not its the W who is picking up the rope that is dropped by the other partner.

So in this case: a discussion about free time is what's needed, and how that is shared out.

You beat me to it. I was just about to suggest that.

That’s horrible. I’ve been really ramping up my running and DH is so supportive. He and the kids come to watch and cheer me on, I try to run at the best times possible for the family but sometimes he does need to look after them solo (but then I also do that while he does stuff, it’s just part of parenting). The fact he’s being so hostile from the start instead of sitting down and working out how it will work is a big red flag. If this was my DH and a bucket list thing I would be like ‘right, how do we make this work?!’

Your husband is a cunt

I agree
I think you have a bigger issue that the marathon here
get rid of him
get some childcare organised or a friend to bring them with you
and live your life

Knowing how hard it is to get a place via the ballot, he should pull his finger out and support you. Do you have a marathon training plan? My DH did it last year but our DCs are self reliant now so much easier .

Sorry, I don't think you should 'expect support'. Marathon training is a huge time commitment, far more than a weekly football match. If you were saying you wanted to join a similar weekly activity then I would be on your side, but expecting him to be thrilled when he's looking down the barrel of months and months of solo parenting of very young children is unreasonable.

Your "DH" is an arsehole.

Oh dear, another one. He doesn't like you, and he's jealous of you. He's worried that you will manage to complete the marathon and he'll never be able to do anything like that.
YANBU at all - my husband and I both do sporting events that we have to train for, and we sit down together and work out our schedules so we can both get our training in and fit everything else in.

I'm sorry OP. You run that marathon, then keep on running, away from 'D'H!

Or... he could be happy the OP has a rare chance to participate in a world famous event and enjoy looking after his own kids for a bit more time than usual for a few months. 🙄

He doesn't go to play football for a couple of hours every week. He goes to support his team, which likely involves travelling to and from a stadium. Even if it's nearby, home matches must be at least four hours out of the house, and that's not counting stopping for a pint with mates afterwards. Away matches would be a full day, and probably sometimes an overnight.

Very much the equivalent of marathon training.

And add that up over 10 years. She's only asking for a year.

I suspect that this is closer to the truth.

Thank you for all of the responses, wasn't expecting so many so quickly but really appreciate them

To cover a few questions:
My plan is to run early in the morning - I WFH 3 days a week so can run before doing the school run. The issue is DH leaves at 630 for work but I have said I will get up at 5am so I am back in plenty of time, and I have access to a walking pad as well which I use during the day which I can use for running, but DH has moaned that if I get up at 5am I will be waking him up. But its perfectly acceptable for him to wake me up when he gets up before me by setting his alarm on his phone where as I use my watch so it doesn't wake him

The long run towards the end of the training programme would also be done early hours of a Sunday morning, again happy to get up at 5/6 and get them done and out of the way - again been told that I am compromising family time etc

We both work full time, I am lucky I WFH 3 days a week so have more time at home, but that means I am expected to do more housework on those days, such as the washing, the dishwasher etc even though I am at work

I wouldn't expect to have to ask my husband. He'd support me because he loves me and do anything he could to help me with whatever I wanted to do just as I would do for him. Your husband sounds like a prick, OP. If he's genuinely doing as you're saying, with absolutely no backstory or reason, he's a jerk and I'd do what I wanted and just ignore him. What's he likely going to do about it? I think nothing.

Find a way to make this happen. Most partners would support their loved ones on this. You'll regret it forever if you don't do it because of him.
My husband is a long distance runner and yes it's annoying sometimes, he frequently wakes me up, the running chat is really boring, but it's his passion so I wholeheartedly support. Your husband is being an asshole.
Good Luck. Xx

it's just the long run on a Sunday that will be a little bit tricky but even that you don't really need to go more than 3 hours, so out at 6 back at 9. And only need a few of those.

the rest you can do on your WFH days, as you suggested, maybe at lunch times.

assuming you are not looking to win it you can build a base up from here and get it done relatively easily. good luck

and your husband is a bell end.

In my marriage and with our child, this would be a ridiculous request. Neither of us gets this much personal time. It’s just impossible with the demands upon us.

your husband clearly gets this level of personal time. If it is available to him it should be available to you.

If he won’t support you, I would stop being available for his activities. It’s petty, but necessary. Leave the house before him if it comes to that.

Oh he really doesn’t want you to have the glory does he?
The London marathon is my 2028 dream (I’m currently pregnant) and my partner would do whatever he needed to regarding the kids (which will be 10, 2 and 1 by 2028).
If your partner goes around doing what he likes but won’t support you or help your train for what would be a huge achievement… he doesn’t want you to achieve it.

You only have one option really, make it your fucking mission to do it all without him and slap him with divorce papers at the finish line!

Poor you OP. He sounds mean and selfish. Is he jealous perhaps?
He doesn't want you to do anything for yourself.
You are not allowed any interest that is not him, him, him.
You are his property.

@Nowarunner2026 your DH doesn't love or respect you.

Do you know how a stranger on the internet knows this? Because in a healthy relationship where your partner DOES love and respect you, this wouldn't be an issue.

Your DH should be proud of you. He should be your biggest cheerleader. If he has worries over childcare interfering with his fun time, he would mention it so you can reassure him and then go back to asking you what you need to make this dream happen.

Your so called partner is selfish to his core. His wants are the only ones that matter.

In a perfect world, you'd see him for his true self and kick him out so you can go live your best life without his weight dragging you down but we all know you will keep trying to make it work. You'll keep kowtowing to him, walking on eggshells around his big boy feelings that he can't regulate and you'll let him dim your light because you think that is what love is.

It's such a shame. You sounds like such a brilliant, positive go-getter who is successfully juggling work, the household and kids AND this amazing thing yet the one person you're supposed to be adored by can't even bring himself to fake being happy for you.

He's a basic, weak, self absorbed man-baby and you can do so much better.

Your husband is selfish. Have you pointed out that he is compromising family time to go to football every weekend, and going away with his friends. Be blunt, and ask him why he is able to do that, but you taking time to train is not ok. You should not be the default parent.

Once he (hopefully) has been able to see that he's being unfair, then you need to sit down together to work out how you will manage both your free time together. I would also be tackling the subject of you doing more housework than he is - this may be fair if you have less working/commuting time, or it may not.

Honestly, if he continues to be so selfish, I would be reconsidering the relationship.

He's an arse OP.

My DH supports me in my hobby, which is running. Granted I don't take the mickey, like I will get up at 5am for a long run but he's there getting the kids up for school, doing their breakfast etc. And I only do it on the days its not my turn with the little one. But if I wanted to he wouldnt mind.

If he loves you and cares about you he would support you.

I'd be more direct than that. Tom doesn't want me to do it and won't look after our children so I can train. He's refused to discuss it.

Your husband is a selfish prick.

My husband plays golf ...BUT he makes sure he ts off early where possible when playing on a weekend.

I am the runner 😄...and I get my hobby time to go out and do.my training runs ( ran London marathon on 2024 and Brighton this April) ...like him I got my runs around the family.

We still find plenty of time outside this to all do stuff together as a family (two children similar ages to yours)

Edited to add he is my biggest supporter and cheered me on in both marathons 😄...I bore home with running chat and he bores me with golf chat haha