AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

@Nowarunner2026 call his bluff!

"DH, I've been thinking, and you're right, this marathon training will take up far too much family time, so it's best I don't do it. Obviously I assume this means you will also not be sacrificing any family time either and won't be going to the football any more at the weekend?"

Since before we had kids my DH has been a marathon and ultra marathon runner. Before kids he was also doing multiple other sports which he then gave up as they took so much time (entire days of cricket). He continued his running which I completely supported as it was good for his mental health. He would get up early and run, and, unlike pp, would then be fully available to do stuff when he got back. He’s always enabled me to take any time I needed for myself as well. It works both ways. He did once complain that I was not supportive of him as I declined to drag 2 young children around to various different marathons to watch. I explained that marathon running is not the best spectator sport with toddlers and he accepted that. The fact that your husband is being stroppy about this is looking very bad. Is it just running he doesn’t want you doing? Is he ok about you going and doing other stuff for yourself? He sounds like a MN cockwomble.

He’s a knob. I couldn’t stand to look at someone this selfish and mean, let alone sleep with them.

How flexible is your work OP? Any chance you can fit your long run in during a wfh day? Not to appease your DH but because it’s pretty miserable doing those runs setting off in the dark and depending on where you are you may struggle to find safe long routes.

But also, he’s a dick. Is he always this jealous when you set out to achieve something for yourself? And have you had the conversation about him stopping football?

You have a dud for a husband.

What an awful thing to do to you. He isn't a nice person at all. Not supporting your goals, when you can - at cost to yourself - fit things in so he doesn't have to do much at all?? He can get in the bin.

Congrats on the ballot place - I'm sure you'll smash it on the day!

It is a big commitment but mainly for you.
As the broader family has been supportive I would set up a WhatsApp group for your family and the ILs, saying you want to be able to update them and that you may need to call on their support nearer the time for childcare as your DH has made clear that he won’t be involved. Don’t bad mouth him just give it as a fact.

Wow, very shitty attitude from your dh. Does FIL know about how little dh is prepared to support you? Would they be able to step in provide some support if needs be?

To all the posters saying it takes loads of time.... it doesn't. 40 min - 60 min 4 days a week and a couple of hrs on a weekend day. I'd get up and run early. Gets it out of the way and will force your (I would say jealous) husband to do breakfast time.

This post makes it worse. Your husband, he does not like you.
He is yet ANOTHER man who wants the status of a wife and kids without wanting to be a husband and father. Why do you put up with this? Why do you even need to ask if you are being unreasonable.

I agree you should have equal free time within the marriage. So as much free time as he takes for his hobbies etc, or ideally an amount each that you both agree and is the same.

If not, divorce him and suggest 50:50. I mean it - if he’s not willing to do his part in the childcare so you can have time to pursue whatever it is you want, then it’s no partnership at all.

I agree with the pp saying that he doesn’t really like you much, and also the one saying “his wifebot is on the blink” - he clearly sees you as an appliance not a person. And the appliance needs to be used to its maximum capacity or else what is it there for? Certainly not for going and pursuing it’s own wants and dreams - those are only for the real people, ie him.

This all makes it so much worse.

You’re willing to do it all basically during the night so as not to inconvenience him at all; and he still complains! Because the poor baby might get woken up! You ought to be able to do it in the actual daytime so you also get adequate rest.

And you shouldn’t have to do housework whilst WFH - I bet you also do this to save the familt money on childcare, so already multi tasking. He’s robbing your employer blind with his demands for one thing, unless you’re somehow doing it in would-be commute time (but I bet not, I bet you’re caring for children then).

Impacts on your family:
Negative - you might have less time for family activities for a relatively short period (though this is apparently fine if it's for football!?).
Positive - in a time of kids expecting instant gratification, you are modelling to your DC that to achieve a goal you have to put in a lot of time and effort, not give up when it gets tough, and making a commitment to something and seeing it through.
Positive definitely outweighs the negative!!

I also thought the assumption that the wfh means she can do housework is odd. We both wfh about the same and FA gets done. We jointly do chores AFTER work.

I am sorry to tell you, but your husband is broken. You need to throw him away as I am almost certain he's not repairable. Later on you could shop for a new one, but make sure it is a working model, before you engage. In my opinion, your bucket list is much more important than watching football matches.

LTB and do your training while he has the kids 50% of the time! 😉

In all seriousness though, I am sorry you are dealing with an unsupportive 💩 of a husband. Whether you’re training to run a marathon, going swimming or getting your nails done, the point is if he has hobby/friend/whatever time to do with as he pleases so should you. End of! And if he doesn’t support that then unfortunately I would think the relationship isn’t what it needs to be and you need to prioritise yourself. Life’s too short to be with someone who is dragging you down instead of lifting you up. Good luck with the training!

Sorry to hear that your husband’s a piece of shit. This is a great wakeup call for you though. Imagine growing old with the bastard and having to look after him after he retires.

Ask him why it's ok for him to sacrifice family time for football every weekend? Also ask him why it's ok for him to wake you up.

Does he ask you to look after the kids when he's at football or does he just assume you will?

He sounds like a sexist arsehole.

This is a hill I would be willing to die on.

Have you considered buying your own treadmill? Do a bit of research as to which one is reasonable quality but they aren't as expensive as you think, maybe £400. That way you could train whilst watching the kids (I know it isn't your point but as your husband is refusing to back you, you may have to find another way).

Absolutely do the Marathon and trade your husband in for one who's a decent human being - preferably a football-hating runner.

This made me feel sad. If you have a partner it should go without saying they should be there on The Mall as you cry after 26 miles and say ‘never again!’. If I was ever lucky enough in the ballot it would be a given my family would be there...

Surely the joy of running is to get out of the house. I think you should be allowed out, unless he trading his football for Subbuteo.

It's no more of a huge time commitment than buggering off to the football every week - he's got to travel there, then there's the match, probably drinks - will be away for hours. OP, on the other hand, leaves the house and goes running. You don't run the full marathon in training until practically the end. It's nothing like the hours DH spends watching footie.

He's a total bellend and I'd lose a lot of respect for him over that sort of behaviour.