AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

He’s a complete arsehole

I’m furious for you OP.

Have you asked him why he is able to have all this time to go football, but it’s an issue for you?

Blimey. I don’t even know you and I’m proud of you.

He wants it to be all about him I’m afraid. You’re not supposed to have you own hopes and dreams. I could understand it if your hobby went on for years or he wasn’t able to pursue his own interests but that’s not the case. I couldn’t have any respect for such a selfish man.

I ran London when DC were 8&10.

DH was supportive but with hindsight it did take a big toll on family life and I didn't do another for 11 years. The children asked me not to.

I think if you're not a runner you've probably underestimated the impact of training. It'not just the time you spend running, but the way it affects every other aspect of your life, and the amount of rest you need. Especially for the first one and if you're starting from scratch.

Getting a place to run the London marathon is a big deal op! Your DH should be supporting you.

The training is time consuming though. Can it be done early in the mornings?

Your situation is nothing like the OP's. Her husband goes to football every weekend and goes on holiday with his mates

Everyone else has already said what I wanted to say regarding the lack of support from your "D"H

I will just add a note of caution ⚠️

If you're not a regular runner now you need to start. 90% of marathon training is managing fatigue and niggles and it will go so much better if you have less fatigue and some conditioning to the demands of running.

But your DH is an arsehole, sorry.

Thank you all again

A lot of what has been said rings so many bells that I hadn't picked up on

Dh got a charity place through work a few years ago (admittedly pre kids) and gave a list of demands about how he would need to train, need high protein meals etc which I was happy to agree to. He did then pull out due to injury so I think there is some jealously, but also he hasn't run at all in years.

We had a similar discussion about a job a few weeks ago as a promotion opportunity arise at work but it would potentially mean an extra day in the office and DH pushed back and said he didn't really support me applying as it would mean an extra day of breakfast and after school care etc. In the end I wasn't successful but it did hurt that i was expected to progress as i'm seen as the default parent.

I have drawn up plans on when I will run, days, times etc but still being met with it won't work etc

I am under no illusion it will be hard work and even if I walk it I don't care about times but its still not good enough

Spoke to a friend on school run who cannot understand DR'S reluctance to help and even offered to have the kids if i needed if DH can't so i'm getting more support from friends than I am my own family

I agree with this. Treadmills seem utterly miserable to me!

Even in winter I much prefer a run outdoors

And what does he say when you ask him to justify why he sacrifices family time to go to the football etc?

It sounds like he's jealous and enjoys pissing on your chips. He's already a lightweight dad and husband and he doesn't want to be inconvenienced even a fraction more.

Ive run 9 marathons, 8 of them with pre-teen kids. However for most of them I was working pt and mainly did my long runs on Fridays while they were in creche/preschool/school. The hardest was probably when they were 1 and 4 as that was the most intense parenting phase.

But long runs are generally 3-3.5 hrs (im pretty sure the advice is that longer than this isnt advantageous) even adding on showering or travel time to meet friends, it shouldn't be taking a whole day.

Ive done an Autumn marathon and for some of the long runs i started at around 6pm, on a weekend. DH had to dinner/bedtime, but id been around the whole day.

What the hell OP? Not wanting you to progress at work because it will mean a bit more childcare. Doe he need to wave the red flag on your face any more than that? So… what are you going to do?

I'm so sorry he is being so unsupportive. That is so ugly in a marriage. I really hope you find a way to do this for you. You deserve it!

Do you get any time for yourself? In all honesty I would struggle with this. But I’d also struggle with nonstop football and lads trips. Really you need to use math - work out how much time he’s disappearing and make sure you do the same.

Buf after reading your updates I think he’s pretty awful. He doesn’t want you to be a fully satisfied or successful person - either at work or at home. He doesn’t pull his weight and he somehow thinks the children you both created aren’t his responsibility. Giving me a lot of the ick for sure.

He's a narcissistic prick! This is so selfish and self absorbed its unbelievable. It's also unbelievably manipulative to throw the "family time" card into the mix.

You deserve better OP - throw him back in the sea and find a better partner who cares about your happiness.

Running and training for a marathon will change your life. I’ve done 4 and been rejected in the London ballot 14 times. No kids or husband, mind, but PLENTY of women in my circle do and train/race regularly.

Grab this opportunity with both hands. And as you get fitter, stronger, more confident, really assess whether your marriage is worth holding onto. Plenty of time on longer runs to work it all out, OP. Your husband sounds like a selfish, sour, jealous brat.

Just wtf have I read. From someone who goes to the football every weekend too. I would end my marriage over this. He doesn't seem to care about you at all. You've suggested getting up exceptionally early so as not to impact him (so many women have to work out at the crack of dawn compared to men) and he's still unhappy about it. His entitlement and negativity towards someone he is supposed to live is astounding and will be coming through in other areas of your life too. I hope you leave him and live the life you deserve.

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

Surely he hasn't got a choice about that has he? If it is not going to impact him in any way then just go when you want to go, if he starts playing silly bastards to stop you, start doing that yourself with his hobby time and see how he likes it.

Seeing as his dad is being very supportive, could he shed any light on why your DH is being like this?

He really is digging his heels in, so it's not just annoyance at you doing it, he actually wants to stop you from doing it.. has he been controlling before?

In a way, I sympathise with your DH. My DH has done many marathons and I’ve hated the impact it has had on our family life - not just the training but meal timings, tedious talking about his progress etc. But if you've been freeing him for "hobby time" he is being unreasonable not to do the same for you.

Write down a simple calculation of how many hours in the past year, say, you have covered while he went to football. Ask him why you think he was entitled to all that but you aren’t.

And if he still refuses, I’d be tempted not to do the football cover ever again. Go out before it’s time for him to leave.

Gosh, that’s miserable. I would be seriously not amused.

But it would make me dig my heels in more. Training, especially long run days, will take up a chunk of time. But sometimes we need to dream. Take any support you can from anyone and, regrettably, expect him to keep being an ar$e. If it’s important to you, plan to do it with or without his support. I’ve seen so many women grow through running, finding that time just for themselves, slowly tackling distances and the joy of hard earned progress.

Just click up football hours v training hours

keep it nice and fair

yeah he’s a selfish probably jealous prick

It is a big commitment and most couples with kids would need to have an honest conversation about how a training schedule like that will affect family life and how it will work, but for him to refuse to even have a conversation makes him sound just downright nasty. And the bit about about not wanting OP to progress at work … it just gets worse. I’d like to know from OP in what ways he is a good husband and father. Coz he sounds like a prick.

How disappointing for you. My partner isn't perfect but has totally supported me in the past with similar. Running the London Marathon is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Training doesn't have to be all consuming either. You can easily do it with 3 runs a week - one long, one short and fast and one recovery. I did it with a 4 and 7 year old and a FT job.

Ah, just as I suspected! He doesn’t want you to do a marathon because he couldn’t do one!
I’m willing to bet that if you don’t already earn more than him, this promotion would have made sure you did.
He is just jealous of you and that’s not going to change unless he does some serious work on himself.