AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

[Nowarunner2026]

Last year I was offered a place in the London Marathon via the Ballot. It is something I have always wanted to do, albeit I am an occasional runner (I ran 5k maybe every few weeks, much prefer walking or swimning) but it's a bucket list thing like i am sure it is for many people

Everyone was supportive and really encouraging, father in law brought me some running related gifts for my birthday, as did other family members etc. Everyone except DH. He threw the biggest strop ever, called me selfish for even thinking about it (we have 2 children 9 and 4) and accused me of sacrificing family time for some stupid dream. Says the man who goes to football every weekend, up ubtil recently worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) still does shifts on occasion, and will doesn't think twice about going away with his friends

For whatever reasons I had to defer from last year (a knee injury which is now recovered and some family illnesses) and I still have my place this year as I was able to defer

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

I do understand that training for it is going to take time, especially early next year but it's also only for a few months, where as he has gone to football every weekend for 10+ years (including away games)

If this was you, would you expect some support for a short period ? Or am I being unrealistic?

Well if this was me and my H, yes absolutely I would expect his support. Because he's a supportive husband. Your husband trots off on lads holidays, goes out every weekend, doesn't seem to really think twice about you or the kids... So why would you expect his support now? Has he ever shown you that he would be supportive?

DH ran the London Marathon when we had a tiny baby* and that was how we managed it - it's a sensible plan IMO.

*not an arsehole - he was meant to run it April 2020 just before she arrived but then we all know what happened and it got pushed to October!

It's not 'months and months of solo parenting'.

A reasonable marathon training plan is 16 weeks. You build up the distance of your long run over that period so, if the OP were to run at a similar pace to me (bit slower than average) there would be maybe 4-6 weeks where she'd be out for 3 hours or more, once a week. All other sessions can be an hour or less and as she's said, done before work - so the biggest inconvenience to DH is he might be woken up slightly earlier than he's used to.

I'm willing to bet anything the amount of time she'd spend in total training for the marathon won't even come close to the amount of time her H has to himself for football/other activities.

I’m a runner and have done marathons, have another this year, the training especially once you’re properly into a training block is a huge time commitment so it is something that needs to be agreed on and I can see where if you are genuinely in a situation where nobody really has any free time and you’re now asking for hours a week that would be unfair- BUT if he had the same amount of time free, he’s being unreasonable.

He's a weak, jealous misogynist. He thinks what he does is valuable, and what you do isn't. He thinks it's your job to sort out the house and the children and he shouldn't have to be involved. He should be ashamed. Please promise us and yourself that you'll do that marathon whatever it takes. Spite the fucker. And then next year when you've done it and everyone thinks you're wonderful, which they absolutely will, make it clear to everyone that you did it entirely on your own, while your selfish husband tried to stop you.

Tell him that when you divorce him and he has the kids every other weekend, he'll be wasting his season ticket. I'm not even joking. He doesn't like you and is full of contempt for you. It's over.

No more football for him then. He is “compromising family time”.

So you support his weekend days out and interests but he can’t do the same thing for you, at least you’re seeing him as the selfish man he is. Do you want to put up with a selfish partner for life, one who doesn’t care about your feelings or dream?

OP, is he a dyed in the wool supporter of his football team? Has he never missed an away match? Do some of these away matches mean a Saturday overnight and your training plan would mean he would miss going to some of the away matches? I just wonder if that is the reason for his strong reaction?

Just to be clear, this is not an acceptable reason, or reaction. And that is understating it.

I never say this but I would dump him. He isn’t a parent but a child

What did he say when you told him you won’t be looking after the children when he’s at foodball?

He sounds like an utter nob.

Your husband doesn’t see you as an equal partner.

Your husband doesn’t care about your happiness or personal wellbeing.

Your husband sees you as the person who should make his life easier by always being there to hold down the fort so he can do as he pleases in life without having to worry about the children, house or anything else.

Hes selfish and quite frankly I couldn’t stay married to such a pig headed man child.

This is really really shitty of him. You need to stop “having the kids” to enable him to go to football. And leave him. In due course. Noting like marathon training to make you feel empowered.

He doesn't like you much, does he?

Why are you with such a dismissive, unsupportive twerp?

You have far bigger problems than the logistics of working out when you will go for a run.

equal.
leisure.
time.

it isn’t rocket science

the fact that the two of you don’t seem to realise this, is indicative of a deeply unhealthy dynamic relationship unless he’s thicker than mince.

why do you have to ask op if it’s ok if you have a little bit of hobby time when your husband has had far far more over the years? Why wouldn’t it be ok?

we know he treats you like shit, you’ve told us that, but how does he treat the kids? If you divorce, and he’s a reasonable dad, even if a terrible husband, then you will get some time to yourself when he has the children. It seems in your relationship it might be the only way.

What a dickhead.

I'd seriously consider leaving him.

DH is an absolute twunt and it's clear that he has little respect for you.

I'd be seriously questioning your relationship with him.

Why does he get to fuck off to football?

Your husband is a selfish prick.

I almost never say this on here because I hate how easily and overused it is spouted...but seriously OP, LTB.

Every post I’ve read today is about fucking awful men!! Honestly, the bar is so so low.

This man doesn’t respect you OP. Double standards really piss me off. In the bin with him. I hope you’re able to leave! It isn’t just the marathon, he must be like this in other ways too! Selfish git.

I hope he changes his mind and supports you. Your plan for early morning runs sound ideal for not getting in the way of other things but for the long runs on a Sunday you might need to find a way to go a bit later in the morning as you will need to make sure you’ve eaten sufficiently beforehand.

I would literally leave the twat. My role isn’t to facilitate his fun at my expense. If he can’t see me as a person who he likes there is no point.

100% this is his jealousy because you're going to achieve a bucket list dream...let me guess, he's never run a marathon? as others have said, you're not asking his permission, you ARE going to do it - you can do it! Your kids will be unbelievably proud of you! so sorry though this has shown you what a selfish jealous manchild you're married to.

Equal leisure time is the point.

if both mum and dad are flat out and there’s only 4 hours of ‘me’ time available, then that’s 2 each, not one person a 4 hour run.

but if one person has spent days at football every single weekend for a decade, and the other person barely anything (the op hasn’t said but the insight in to this selfish man’s character suggest it’s likely) then it is incredibly selfish to not reciprocate.