AIBU to dress up to match my son for his prom?

[MissRaspberryRipples]

Hi there. My son has his high school prom coming up next month as he's 16 and doing his GCSEs at the moment. He's chosen his outfit choices and I've purchased both suits that he liked so he has a choice. He's gone for purple suits which are lovely. I've also purchased myself a lovely purple dress and some nice shoes so that he can have some lovely mum and son photos taken on his special night. I showed them to my partner and all he has said is that they're nice and will look great but why am I making such an effort when it's not even my night? He says it's silly and isn't necessary. He thinks I'm overdoing it on the effort for a night that isn't for me. Is it really unreasonable to want to make the effort or is he just being unnecessarily mean

Its really weird, and gives signs of an unhealthy dynamic between the two.

I kind of think once it’s been said 70 different times there’s not many more ways to say the same thing!

I think this is a great example of keyboard warriors just piling on.

I can imagine if this was a daughter I had posted about there'd be no incest comments and definitely no questioning if she was a lesbian, it's double standards. Because he's a 16year old boy who has a good relationship with his mum people have to jump on the mummy's boy and future MIL from hell bandwagon. I mean I'd rather have a nice respectful son like mine than have one that hangs around the local park drinking smoking weed and being a disrespectful prick to the general public which is what I see a lot of his age group being posted about all over facebook in my local area whereas he's quite happy to be out minding his own business not causing havoc

Honestly op you’ll never get through to the individuals who think speaking about a 16 year old like they have is healthy or acceptable.

There is a certain person who will do this and unfortunately a load of them found your thread. You’ll only see the back of them when the thread fills up. It’s bizarre!

Maybe because you asked? The bit I think is odd is that you bought a dress to wear for a few photos at home. I get that you want some nice pics before he heads off, fair enough. But to buy a dress that matches and you'll probably never wear again is odd. PS I live his choice of jacket, good on him.

@MissRaspberryRipples That's not true. Most would find it just as cringe if you bought a dress to colour coordinate with your daughter. It's about inserting yourself in to a moment of their lives that are THEIRS. Unhealthy enmeshment regardless of gender.

@MissRaspberryRipples Just came on to say that purple jacket is absolutely fantastic - your son must be a very stylish young man. Hope he has a lovely prom (and the weather's cool enough for him to wear that jacket!)

Bravo OP, you got 18 pages out of it.

No-one is saying because your son has a close relationship with you that the relationship must be incestuous. It's lovely that you're close. FWIW I love that his jacket is a bit unusual too - it makes me a bit sad to see hoards of teens in matching black and beige athleisure wear, where is the joy!
What a lot of people have said however, including me, is that emotional incest is the kind of thing that we'd unfortunately think if we saw a photo of a mum and son wearing matching outfits for his big day. It's doing something coupley with someone who isn't your partner - I think you'd get a similar response to insisting on sitting next to him on the sofa, kissing him on the lips still, weirdly competetive sounding complaints about future DILs etc.
A nice photo with him before he heads off is one thing, it's the matching outfits that has rung Boy Mum ('boy mums', not mothers of boys in general) alarm bells to a lot of people. That's a couple thing. It's cute when couples co-ordinate their outfits for prom/ leavers discos as were. But when a mum does something that's a date thing to do, yes it does look odd to a lot of people.

So you bought a dress to have a nice photo of a memorable moment in both your lives? Nothing wrong with that.

I responded initially that I thought you were being unreasonable but that was more that I didn’t think you should necessarily match your son colour wise as it might look a bit too date like. From every other perspective I think you are being perfectly reasonable and the posters on the thread are being really weird. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice with your children for photos. I also don’t think you are making it about you at all. Why else do mothers of the bride spend days shopping for a wedding outfit, parents carefully select outfits to wear to their kids’ graduations, birthday parties, christenings etc.
People are being ridiculous and disrespectful. I went along to my sons’ pre prom parties, as did many other parents, and no-one thought any of the attendees were overbearing or enmeshed. We live our children and want to celebrate milestones with them. That’s surely how loving families work.
i hope you have a lovely evening and if you want to wear a purple dress wear it. Any other response should purely be based on taste, nothing else.

Hope you're OK @MissRaspberryRipples

Honestly thankyou. It's not at all about me it's his night I just thought it a nice opportunity to take a nice photo with my son on his special night after all his prom is a nice night to celebrate him finishing exams and leaving school-which is of course a proud parent moment. It's not as if I'm taking him to prom glammed up looking like I'm going to join a bunch of teenagers on their special night it's a few nice photos taken at home to share with family on WhatsApp, not to shove all over Facebook

Nothing wrong with you getting glammed up as well. You're not taking anything away from your son's actual academic achievements ♥️ there's been some lighthearted stuff posted, but no need for the spiteful comments. It will be a great memory for both of you.

I think it is a bit. It's about his achievement, why would she need to wear something matching? Sure, glam up a bit for some photos if you want, but matching is like "hey we both did it!"

However supportive she's been, I think letting him have the spotlight in the pictures is more appropriate. Mum should be slightly background as it's not her celebration.

I think quite a lot of people would change their vote if they could; I know I would.
Your subsequent posts have made it a lot clearer that you don't want to muscle in on his prom night; you just want some nice pics of you both for his special event.

We did this with grandsons prom, opened a bottle of bubbly, had pics taken (granted we were not dressed up) then we actually took him and his date to the prom in an open top car....then left them to it.

I agree poor OP has copped it a bit on here - but she wasn’t simply saying aibu to have some photos with my son on his prom night!

Go for it OP. I know what you mean. You are not going to the Prom or dropping your son off for photos at the entrance with you arm in arm. Photos of you both at home maybe a nice shot in the garden, is a great idea. I think that is what you are meaning and yes coordinating the outfit colour will make a lovely photo to frame.

I think it was the whole matching outfit thing.
Take photos. But don’t display them where his friends can see.
i can only assume he is a quiet lad, as most get ready with their mates….

Exactly! OP can’t see the way it looks without it being spelled out to her & then getting offended by that inference. Which is a shame.
Personally I think this is just a consequence of all the performative photo trends that are more about the spectacle than the meaning & it’s messing up people’s minds! Yes cute matching with your baby, twinning & matching Xmas pjs etc (all overly performative IMO & yes I am a bash humbug) but with your son on his prom? Er no!!

It’s his prom.

I was teaching at my twin DDs school when they had their prom. I was due a “best teacher “ award. I didn’t go, it was my DDs night, not mine. My class TA, gorgeous lady, accepted my award for me. Yes, we had photos taken before my girls left, them looking fabulous, me in jeans. Because it was their night.

My DS, two years later, didn’t bother with his prom, so didn’t go. He was just pleased to leave school and go to music college. It’s no big deal. But, huge but, it’s their night. Not yours.

You came on here for mumsnetters opinions......and you got them.
Getting snarky because the majority think it's 'off' makes you look ridiculous