AIBU about the split of bills….

[Firemansspouse]

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job. He was renting a place and was running out of money fast.
I said that him and his daughter who lives with him full time could move in with me as it was on the cards down the line anyway.
I own my house, with a mortgage, no kids just me and the two cats.
we discussed finances and I said, that it would be fair for him to pay half towards the mortgage and bills , ie split everything down the middle. He did that.
11 months down the line he’s in the process of losing another job… we are talking senior manager jobs here.. but anyway…

he’s brought it up a few times recently that it’s unfair that I ask him to pay half of the bills and the mortgage… and that really he should just pay half the bills, as I’ve cannot afford to save and if we were to split up after say ten years he would of contributed to the property price which may have gone up by the. But would stand to gain nothing.
there are two things I wish to gain your thoughts on here….
aibu asking for half of all the house bills including mortgage?
if I was to go on bills only would it be unreasonable to ask for him to pay 2/3 of them as him and his daughter live here.
ny bills have gone up exponentially since they moved in.

any thoughts or insights to how you lovely bunch work it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I’m being super unreasonable here whereas I didn’t think I was previously.
TIA

What if she rented - should he not pay half of that?
She's paying a mortgage and he is paying rent for him and his daughter to live there, which happens to contribute to the mortgage

If he was added to the tenancy yes. If she wanted to keep the agreement with her as the sole tenant then I’d argue no, he shouldn’t.

You say 'OH' but are you married or not? It makes a difference legally if you split up/divorce.
If you are married he could claim part of your property even if his name is not on the deeds as it's the matrimonial home.

Oh isn’t dh

not married

Sorry Op but he is getting a bargain I would say to him I agree the house is mine and I am happy for to get your own place again as it’s not actually making my finances any better and we can just see each other like we used to when you had your place. Just say I cannot be expected to pay the whole mortgage and you pay nothing but bills there are 2 of you and only 1 of me so it’s your call but if I was mortgage free I could understand but I’m not. You free to pay somebody else’s mortgage by renting there house as it’s no different to what we do here. Op don’t let him manipulate you he moved in sooner than expected now he’s got his feet under the table he’s trying to move the goal post.

Tbh I think he's cheeky- he contributed to someone's mortgage when he was renting wasn't he? But fine, tell him it's bills and rent if it makes him happier. And he should cover 2/3 of food costs and that's generous because there is another child of his visiting as well.

If he's not happy tell him to close the door on his way out.

Be careful him paying towards mortgage. He does have a point, but it’s still cheap living. But it really isn’t advisable to have him contributing towards mortgage as he may claim an interest in your property. He may also want to own himself eventually.

I think there are 2 aspects to look at when considering what is fair - how much more it is costing you to have him there, and how much he would otherwise be spending if he wasn't there. I would look to equalize the savings the two of you make between the situation where he is living with you and the situation where he isn't.

This assumes you like having him living with you and it isn't a worse situation for you that, really, you'd like to avoid.

Agree with PP that you should be careful about charging him for the mortgage because of the possibility that it will give him legal interest in the property. But also that rent might give him rights as a tenant. Better to have him contribute more to bills and wear and tear than to mortgage or rent.

I'm a little unclear on whether the daughter is there full time and another child comes on weekends or if it's just the one daughter, who visits on weekends. Depending on that, he should be paying half to two thirds of the bills.

He should not be paying the mortgage, but he should be paying rent. How much was he paying in rent before he moved in with you? I'd probably be looking at a figure between half and two thirds of what he was paying in rent.

Splitting the bills is fair, having him pay under market rent benefits him and you also get rent (that you can choose to put towards the mortgage), making it a win/win situation for both of you.

Put it to him like this: if you were renting out the room to a lodger, they would in effect be contributing to the mortgage BUT with no expectation that they would have any actual claim to the equity in the house even if they did live there for 10 years. If the ‘rent’ (let’s face it, meagre contribution) he is paying is too much, challenge him to find better elsewhere. A lodger wouldn’t expect you to alter their bills so that they can save, why is he any different? You’re going to have to be very firm, I had someone like this in my life once, you give them an inch and they take a mile and more. Get rid.

His logic about contributing an amount which you then allocate to the mortgage is weird, if it worked that way all tenants would have rights to their landlord’s property!

Agree an amount as his contribution for being there with his DD. How you then allocate it is none of his business!

So @Firemansspouse what are you going to do ?

Get rid, he’s a loser

I think he should move back out…

@Firemansspouse

You’re not being unreasonable in the slightest - he’s a cheeky, useless fucker who can’t keep a job! Is he worth this? I’d have the ick.

He should pay 2/3 if bills as there’s 2 of them, but not towards the mortgage. You actually don’t want him paying towards the mortgage as he may have a claim on the property if he’s contributed. Also he gains nothing from any increase in value.

If renting he’d also be paying towards a home that he has no gain from. Tell him to do that instead.

He’d gain nothing from renting a property from a landlord either. He be paying their mortgage in most cases with nothing to show for it.

Are you being serious OP? £800 per month for him and 1 DC in the week plus another DC at the weekend?! He's landed on his feet hasn't he! Tell him 2/3rd of all bills, plus an amount in lieu of rent, equal to half what you pay for your mortgage.
Although I'd personally ask him to move out and find someone who isn't a freeloader.

I do love it when people claim that if he wasn't living there at a greatly reduced rate he could be building up equity in his own property. A. This guy wasn't doing that when he met the op so he has sacrificed precisely nothing and b. If he can't save a deposit while paying only 800 a month for him and his dd then he is unlikely to ever be able to afford his own mortgage.

If you own the house, even with a mortgage, it's worth thinking about what you could reasonably charge for a room if you were renting it to a lodger and treating him as one. You should also bear in mind that, outside London, charging significantly more than around £625 per month may have tax implications, depending on your circumstances.
If I were in your position, I would give him a formal lodger agreement and charge the going rate for a room in your area. Remember that most lodger rents are advertised with bills included.
He's right that he shouldn't be paying half of your mortgage, and you shouldn't necessarily want that either. If a partner is contributing towards mortgage payments rather than paying rent as a lodger, it can create complications later if they argue they have acquired an interest in the property. A clear lodger arrangement helps protect both parties and avoids misunderstandings.

Two separate things. Firstly, he should pay 2/3rds of bills and market rate for rental costs. If he rents and has always rented he's always been supporting someone's mortgage (or giving someone else money that's not building equity and asset for himself). That's on him and his choices.
Secondary to that, get some legal advice on how you make sure he won't have a claim on the house. Money should be paid to you not directly to the mortgage company, you might need a lodger contract/agreement. Get this done asap. He sounds entitled and highly likely to want a piece of your hard earned asset when if things go tits up.

What are the reasons he lost both jobs?

I think you were hasty letting him move in.

Charge him rent not a share of the mortgage. What would he have to pay if he was adulting and providing accommodation for his kids in the open market? Wouldn’t be only £800 I’ll bet…

and yes 2/3 bills as him and his dependents are using 2/3 of the utilities and food.

You should never have framed it as him paying half the mortgage. It potentially gives him a claim on your home. £800 a month for him and his daughter is extremely reasonable. You know he's a cocklodger, don't you? Him losing his job should have been a reason to postpone him moving in, not expedite it. And now he's lost another job. What a total grifter. Ask him to leave.