AIBU about the split of bills….

[Firemansspouse]

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job. He was renting a place and was running out of money fast.
I said that him and his daughter who lives with him full time could move in with me as it was on the cards down the line anyway.
I own my house, with a mortgage, no kids just me and the two cats.
we discussed finances and I said, that it would be fair for him to pay half towards the mortgage and bills , ie split everything down the middle. He did that.
11 months down the line he’s in the process of losing another job… we are talking senior manager jobs here.. but anyway…

he’s brought it up a few times recently that it’s unfair that I ask him to pay half of the bills and the mortgage… and that really he should just pay half the bills, as I’ve cannot afford to save and if we were to split up after say ten years he would of contributed to the property price which may have gone up by the. But would stand to gain nothing.
there are two things I wish to gain your thoughts on here….
aibu asking for half of all the house bills including mortgage?
if I was to go on bills only would it be unreasonable to ask for him to pay 2/3 of them as him and his daughter live here.
ny bills have gone up exponentially since they moved in.

any thoughts or insights to how you lovely bunch work it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I’m being super unreasonable here whereas I didn’t think I was previously.
TIA

I would keep the mortgage completely separate to avoid him potentially being able to claim a share of the property further down the line. Decide how much rent you think is fair for him to be paying for him and his daughter to be living in your house.

There is not a single man on earth that I would live with and their up to 2 children rather than live on my own.

he should not be paying your mortgage, that hasn’t been fair. He’s been paying off an asset that is only yours.

he should be paying two thirds of the bills and food with possibly a nominal rent on top.

The other child?

How many are there?

He keeps losing jobs you say? Why?

How does he pay his share when he is between jobs?

He sounds like a prince.

Although I do agree he shouldn't be paying towards a mortgage he has absolutely no share in. That's about the only reasonable thing about the situation (based on the info provided).

£800 a month all in for him and his daughter is a bargain. I have always split bills 50/50 with a partner and not included the mortgage but they haven't had a child with them. Frame it as rent rather than half the mortgage, I assume he isn't chipping in if you need a plumber or to replace a carpet, so rent is fair.

Agreed. It’s very naive to allow him to be paying towards you’d mortgage
He should absolutely be paying rent though
Or moving out. He sounds like a freeloading CF to me

I can see both sides. He has a point, he is paying off half your mortgage. With nothing to show for it. If I were him I might be tempted to move out.
You think if it were not for you etc. And bills have gone up.
You don’t sound entirely long term committed to one another.
If you aren’t happy changing ownership of the property to include him then you should be happy with half the bills.
But really I think until you are a couple and jointly committed to a future he should leave and find his own place.

Never, ever move someone in because they have lost their job or they need a new place. These people are always mooches. He should be paying more than half because he bought his daughter with him.

Out with the cocklodger!!!

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job.

How convenient that he had a girlfriend with her own house right at the time he needed to move. Why didn't he claim universal credit or use his savings? And now he's in the process of losing another job? Sounds like a cocklodger.

I don't think he should be paying your mortgage as that would give him a beneficial interest in your house but i think him paying ⅔of bills is fair.

Fuck him off out into his own house if he doesnt like £800 a month. Absolute cheeky arse fucker; cocklodger expecting himself and his bloody kids can live rent free in a house just because he's landed on his feet and found a woman with a brain (and assets).

Id tell him to find his own place for £800 a month and reclaim my house

He shouldn’t be paying off the actual asset which isn’t his, the equivalent to rent would be paying his share of the interest part of the mortgage.

Why should he love rent free so he is much better off and the op is much worse off. Maybe call it lodger rates for two people and then he pays 2/3 of the bills and food. It’s daft that he should live rent free. Also I would be seriously concerned that he can’t seem to hold onto a job and he agreed the split initially and now is trying to back out of it.

He doesn’t live rent free. He pays half towards a property he doesn’t have any ownership of and half the bills.
Recently he has questioned whether he should pay half the mortgage.

This is one of those awkward ones where there is no obvious right answer. A bit depends on how stable/long term you think the relationship is ie does it really matter in the long term?

What I would do in your situation would be this:

For bills - if his daughter and he together are ⅔ of costs then he should pay ⅔ of these

For "rent" - something, but not half. Enough to make it better for both of you than living solo.

I'd be more worried about the second job loss in a year, to be honest.

He wouldn’t have anything to show for it either if he was renting somewhere else. Unless he’s on a position to buy ( which doesn’t sound like he is as he can’t hold onto a job) it’s a moot point. He needs to pay some “rent” lodger rates for both himself and his child and then pay two thirds of the bills. Why should the op support both himself and his child?

Because if he pays half of her mortgage he could end up with a claim on her home.

I think you're on sticky ground by saying he's paying half the mortgage. I would charge him rent instead and then half of the bills. I know people on here say someone shouldn't pay towards the mortgage as it's not their property, but then he was paying rent and is now hundreds of pounds per month better off as he's living with you.

You, on the other hand, are no better off at all. In fact, the wear and tear on your place due to him and his kids being there is going to really show in the future, so rent would be needed just for those repairs if nothing else.

Why does he keep losing jobs? Is he really worth hanging onto? He seems very entitled and maybe his bosses see something there that you should also be seeing.

Two things here,

1. Please tell me you have something written up to protect you. Nobody wants to pay a lawyer £750 plus VAT to write something up - until it all goes wrong.

2. People are being dense. Of course he should be contributing more than just bills. Otherwise he is living there rent free.

Look on spareroom.com how much 2 lodgers would bring in.

If he keeps losing jobs i would tell him to move out anyway. A grown man with two children should be able to hold down a job and this would be giving me the ick anyway. Why didn't he go on UC instead of moving in with you?

He either pays half bills including food and whatever rent would be for a 2 bed flat in your area OR
2/3 bills and food and whatever rent would be for a 1 bed flat in your area.

He needs to pay his way or get out.

He shouldn’t be paying anything towards mortgage or upkeep of the house unless you want to have to payout should separate. You could charge a nominal rent and his share of the bills, food etc. Either way, get something in writing.

2/3 of all bills plus £100 per month for wear & tear on your property.

Well she offered and indeed that was the arrangement. And he did pay. Not as if he isn’t . Or didn’t. Financially he would possibly be worse off renting. Or no worse off we don’t know details.
But as it has gone on for a year now he is beginning to feel uneasy about it.
People can say he is sponging off her but since he has kept to the arrangement she suggested I think that is not fair to say.
People could equally say she is sponging off him. She gets half her bills paid, half her mortgage paid but all the property.
If she doesn’t want him on the property deeds then perhaps something towards but not half of it. That seems a bit much.

And to mention, if they were together for a very long time, and if he did pay towards the mortgage, but was not on the deeds, I would be careful that he did not qualify to be considered as if he was. OP may wish to consider any implications there.

He pays 2/3 bills plus market rent.

Don't have him paying the mortgage. In fact better move him out or get a cohabitation agreement. He'll want a share of the house when you split up.

Do you have a legal agreement in place? If he’s paying half the mortgage then he could potentially make a claim on a share of your house.

I think he should pay something towards the mortgage. You can essentially think of the mortgage payment as a mixture of rent and equity building. It's fair that he pays part of the rent bit.

Online calculators can tell you how much of your rent is currently going against interest which might be a useful starting point. Although I'd argue it's not as simple as that; imagine you had 50% equity then you also have that 50% providing a benefit to him (and you) in bringing the overall cost down. If you owned the whole place outright I'd still say he should pay a bit of rent, but probably not market rate. I think this is genuinely a tricky one to make fair, but I don't see why he should live rent free.