AIBU about the split of bills….

[Firemansspouse]

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job. He was renting a place and was running out of money fast.
I said that him and his daughter who lives with him full time could move in with me as it was on the cards down the line anyway.
I own my house, with a mortgage, no kids just me and the two cats.
we discussed finances and I said, that it would be fair for him to pay half towards the mortgage and bills , ie split everything down the middle. He did that.
11 months down the line he’s in the process of losing another job… we are talking senior manager jobs here.. but anyway…

he’s brought it up a few times recently that it’s unfair that I ask him to pay half of the bills and the mortgage… and that really he should just pay half the bills, as I’ve cannot afford to save and if we were to split up after say ten years he would of contributed to the property price which may have gone up by the. But would stand to gain nothing.
there are two things I wish to gain your thoughts on here….
aibu asking for half of all the house bills including mortgage?
if I was to go on bills only would it be unreasonable to ask for him to pay 2/3 of them as him and his daughter live here.
ny bills have gone up exponentially since they moved in.

any thoughts or insights to how you lovely bunch work it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I’m being super unreasonable here whereas I didn’t think I was previously.
TIA

Interested to know how much he'd pay if he moved out? £800 all in sounds like a good deal to me, and if he were able to keep a job he could save / invest the savings...

I would be paying the mortgage myself. He can claim an interedt in tge property I think even if he is not on tbe deeds if he has been paying it.

What were his bills/rent before he moved in with you, @Firemansspouse

What would have happened if he didn’t move in with you ?

he has a child living with him and another who comes at weekends ?

how much have bills gone up ? Obv council tax lost your 25% - water and electricity used more - tv licence /wifi/heating prob haven’t increased

food being a big one so yes he should pay 2/3 of food /bills

what wood it cost him to rent a 2/3 bed place and maybe half of that to pay you say rent

but not towards the mortgage - a cohabitation order may be needed if this going to be a long term thing so that he can’t claim on your home if you split

and you are his 3rd semi permanent relationship of not more (2 kids 2 diff mums)

tbh I prob wouldn’t have moved him in - no one needs to live with a partner esp if they have kids and you don’t

Two thirds of the bills is fine.

Payments towards the mortgage ... you need to shift your terminology or he could end up trying to make a claim of a beneficial interest in part of your property. He should be paying some sort if "rent" for them to live there. How much would it cost in your area for a lodger to rent one and a half rooms in a shared house or landlady's home? (Assuming daughter has a room and he shares with you.) Our neighbour rents a smallish bedroom with own bathroom to a single lodger for 600 a month ( South East).

So he may be getting a very good deal for 2 of them at 800 a month including bills! Where else would be live if you booted him out? What would it cost? If you wanted to make it a bit cheaper than market rent that would be nice of you but don't let him rip you off.

Get a cohabitation agreement drawn up so it's all clear. If he balks at paying a fair amount, out they go!

I can understand him not wanting to contribute towards the mortage if he has no good over the house if you were to split but he’s being cheeky wanting to split bills 50/50.

He has two people living in the house and you are only one person.

He’s saving money by living with you and he has the security of another bill payer whilst continuing to lose job after job. You’ve taken on a child that isn’t your own which is a huge thing especially when you don’t have any of your own so I do think he’s being ungrateful in many ways.

would

@Firemansspouse keep a close eye on the new cohabiting reform that’s being discussed by the Government.
After 3 years of living together he could potentially be entitled to some of your property if you were to split, his position would be very strong if he can prove he’s been paying towards the mortgage.

I think people with their own property should proceed with cohabiting with caution.

I'm going to sound like an echo chamber but please do not describe any payments he makes as being part of the mortgage payment or you'll find he claims an equitable interest in your property. Asking him to pay 2/3rds of the bills which increased when he and his child(ren) moved in is reasonable. That leaves rent; he'd be paying rent wherever he lived, it's part of being a grown up, and he should pay you the equivalent of rent. How much is obviously up to you.

This.

He wasn’t expecting his previous landlord to share the profits of any house sale, and he shouldn’t be expecting you to either. You’re the one who saved up, paid a deposit, is ultimately responsible for the property etc.

Change the name to “rent” or “board” instead of “half the mortgage” if the wording magically makes him feel better. I reckon your “rent” will be a fair bit lower than his previous landlord’s.

Conchiglie has it spot on.

Cheeky git, of course he should be paying 'rent', and I wouldn't be phrasing it as 'half the mortgage'. You need to look into any legal ramifications of him having a claim on the house should you split up at a later date. But yes of course he needs to pay towards the living costs - including what you pay for your mortgage, and he's getting off lightly with paying half of the bills as they are two to your one.

To add - to avoid any later dispute over ownership etc re mortgage, perhaps he could pay more re bills/food etc, say 2/3 as there are two of them.

‘Paying toward the mortgage’ is a bit of a red herring. He should be paying something to house himself and his children, and he should pay that to you if you are the one housing them. You decide how much £ that would be. Personally, giving uo my personal space for a man and his child(ren) would be quite a sacrifice… You then pay your mortgage.

Your mortgage has nothing to do with him and if he wants to benefit from the appreciation of the value of a property he should get his own.

Bills should be split per person in the house. A hot shower is a hot shower. A toilet flush is a toulet flush. Utility companies do not ask the age of those consuming their products and adjust the cost accordingly!

And if he doesn’t like any of this, he can mive right back out again.

Why has he lost two jobs in the space of a year?

I think if it’s your house the mortgage is your responsibility - assuming he has no rights to the property. This is the same advice I’ve given women in his situation.

He should pay 2/3 of the bills & food to cover him and his daughter.

I don’t think you should call it a payment towards the mortgage, but if you are paying all the upkeep and repair bills for the property, will be solely responsible for replacing carpets, etc, then he needs to be paying you a sum equal to at least 2/3 of those costs.

He has one child there all the time and another some of the time.

When you lived alone you had the whole of your 3 or 4 bedroom? house.

It’s been said that he doesn’t have the rights of a formal tenancy, but you are also sharing your home without the freedoms you would have.

Essentially you now have a half share of one bedroom, he has a half share in that room, full time use of a second room, and part time use of a third.

His family use more of your home than you do. It’s only reasonable that he pays 2/3 of the bills. Your Council Tax will have increased by 33% due to no longer getting the single person’s discount, and wear and tear must have increased several fold.

I’m surprised the number of replies saying he should only be paying for half or 2/3 of the bills/food. So, rent free?!

Perfect time for you to say actually I’ve been thinking about this and I would rather you all just move out!!

He’s a cocklodging cheeky fucker!!! NOTHING worse!

Charge him rent. Use a proper lease & eerything.

DO NOT let him pay towards the mortgage - he could have a claim on it f you were to split.

@Monty36 ,If his child is a teenager, bills other than council tax are likely to be the same as an adult.

She asked him to pay half of whatever the bills come to. Which he does.

I’d be saying that if he’s uncomfortable/unwilling to pay rent to live with you then perhaps it’s better that he finds his own place. He should also be paying more towards bills and obvs 2/3 of food.

How old are the children? What’s the housework split? Does he do all childcare/pickups/organusung child stuff? Not that these are to do with paying towards mortgage but I’m interested in what level of cocklodger we’re looking at!

Agree with what most people are saying re the mortgage. It’s your house so your debt.

Agree he pays 2/3s of the bills

But where I differ from most is re paying you “ rent”. If he’s fairly paying towards all other bills you are not incurring any extra costs by him being there. If I were him I’d put the money he would otherwise be paying in rent into savings to increase a financial buffer for his periods of unemployment.Or you could both pay into a shared savings fund. What I’m saying is he shouldn’t staff away his “ rent” money but you have no right to it either .