AIBU about the split of bills….

[Firemansspouse]

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job. He was renting a place and was running out of money fast.
I said that him and his daughter who lives with him full time could move in with me as it was on the cards down the line anyway.
I own my house, with a mortgage, no kids just me and the two cats.
we discussed finances and I said, that it would be fair for him to pay half towards the mortgage and bills , ie split everything down the middle. He did that.
11 months down the line he’s in the process of losing another job… we are talking senior manager jobs here.. but anyway…

he’s brought it up a few times recently that it’s unfair that I ask him to pay half of the bills and the mortgage… and that really he should just pay half the bills, as I’ve cannot afford to save and if we were to split up after say ten years he would of contributed to the property price which may have gone up by the. But would stand to gain nothing.
there are two things I wish to gain your thoughts on here….
aibu asking for half of all the house bills including mortgage?
if I was to go on bills only would it be unreasonable to ask for him to pay 2/3 of them as him and his daughter live here.
ny bills have gone up exponentially since they moved in.

any thoughts or insights to how you lovely bunch work it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I’m being super unreasonable here whereas I didn’t think I was previously.
TIA

Presumably, your council tax has increased as you no longer get a single person discount? I think it’s reasonable he pay rent (I’d call it this rather than a mortgage contribution) and 2/3 of the bills.

Slightly missing the point BUT @Firemansspouse the government are reviewing the rights of couples who live together and then split, where one has the mortgage/and or owns outright and the other doesn’t. It appears that they want to ensure the non-mortgage holder/owner CAN claim beneficial interest. Whatever he pays, please always refer to it as ‘rent’ or ‘rent and bills’ and get him to reference it as this on bank transfers.

At the very least he needs to be paying 2/3 of bills and 2/3 of food.

Sounds like a hassle to me.

Move him and his daughter on, and enjoy the peace of you, your cats and your own place.

You can have the relationship but live separately.

Presumably half the mortgage is less than rent. He’s paying you a contribution towards the bills and he’s paying rent, like a lodger. Given that there are two of them and one of you, he is getting a good deal. Reframing it that way might help.

Yes, but then call it rent. Don't say it is half of the mortgage.

The worry if he believes he is paying half of the mortgage is that he begins to believe he has a beneficial stake in the house and might try to claim that.

I think it is fair enough that he contributes 2/3 towards the bills, but be careful how you phrase it around the mortgage.

Okay so that’s a hard NO. First, someone who loses two jobs within a year is possibly a massive liability and I’d be wanting to confirm that it’s just bad luck and not due to his personality. My DH’s ex goes through jobs like nobody’s business and it’s because she is genuinely an awful person and people don’t want to work with her.

Second, Mr Scrounge has a sweet deal with half and half and I cannot believe he wants free housing for himself and his kid.

He needs to fuck off.

I dont think he should be paying half your mortgage, but absolutely should pay a small rent to cover wear and tear and because he's an adult who doesn't get to live for free, plus 2/3 of the bills. More importantly though, have you made him sign an occupiers consent form to protect your property from any claims by him.

Do you actually want him and his child/children living with you? It's not sounding all that appealing to me and after seeing thread after thread after thread on here about how women have been screwed over with this arrangement I would be very tempted to ask him to please move out and continue the relationship without actually living together just yet.

All these people saying he shouldn’t be paying towards a mortgage when he doesn’t have any ownership of the property, this is exactly the same as anyone who is renting! Why should he live rent free?

Let him rent then, you had to save up for a deposit to buy this place which he seems to have forgotten.
Just say sorry but this is how it is, my bills have gone up X amount so I think this is fair. Otherwise you can move out and rent elsewhere which will obviously be much more expensive. I actually cannot believe how cheeky he is.
Otherwise he can pay the total council tax and all bills and you just pay the mortgage.

It’s really not. A tenant has a legally binding contract .This person is in a relationship with the owner and if they have mutually agreed he is paying towards the mortgage ( esp if theres anything evidence of this) he could make a claim over time that a share of the property is his. Might not be successful of course. A tenant cannot do that.

If I was able to house myself and two kids and pay bills for £800 I would shut the absolute fuck up and never complain in my life ever and thank the lord I’d found such a lovely partner that allowed me to do this. Even a three bed hovel in the worst area would be loads more including bills. But no, this guy wants it even cheaper and he wants his gf to provide him and his children with free housing. It beggars belief.

It's effectively his rent, paying towards your mortgage. He should definitely pay it - as a global bills contribution. And no as long as he is a renter he doesn't get to develop any beneficial interest in the property. However....

1. Be careful of the incoming changes. He may end up owning some of it anyway - are you ok with that?!
2. Also he has a dependent. I know someone who had to move out of their flat when they broke up with a gf because she had a child already and she argued for a long time she should be housed in his flat in preference to him - for a while the courts allowed it

🚩🚩🚩Why does he keep losing jobs?

It was a mistake to ever call it a contribution towards your mortgage.

Be clear. He's paying rent for two rooms plus his share of the bills. Your costs have gone up [council tax, electricity and the rest] and you are offering below market rent.

But the door is over there if he prefers.

So what does he think is fair? Paying you about £300 a month to cover all of his (and his dd's) living costs? I wouldn't even bother arguing. I woukd just ask them to move out.

I bought XH out of his share of the house before he actually moved out. To get the mortgage (and for him to get his money), I had to put him on a lodger agreement.

To protect yourself from claims on the house, I'd either get him on a lodger agreement or just get him to pay bills.

Either way, he is making huge savings compared to rent this own place. So he sounds like a bit of a waste of space. I'd be questioning the relationship in this scenario.

I think he should be paying rent and 2/3rd towards the bills. He's probably getting a better deal paying half the mortgage. Where you're going wrong is pitching it as contributing to the mortgage. He's contributing to the household bills - the household he and his daughter live in. Sounds like a CF to me and I'd be telling him to go pay for rent/ bills on his own place if he doesn't want to contribute fairly.

But doesn’t that mean he’s living rent free. When you rent you don’t ask your landlord for interest in the property. How can a grown adult with a child expect to live rent free off her back?

Why is it not fair if there is OP and her partner and his DD that he pays 2/3 of bills? There are 2 of them and only 1 OP.

I would ask for 2/3 of the bills and £400 rent dont mention mortgage.
He won't find anywhere cheaper to rent for him and two kids.
He is always free to find somewhere cheaper to rent if he isnt happy. Which you can point out

You can also point out that the financial obligation to maintain the house is on you, not him. Yes, if he wasn't there you'd have to shoulder it all yourself but your bills would be lower and the wear and tear on the house also.

2/3 of the bills .
And some rent... a figure of your choice.

OR... he can move out and pay for all of his outgoings

I get his point about the mortgage, but agree he should pay 2/3rd of the bills plus 2/3rd food shopping, and more if his other child comes and stays

you will probably find he still has to pay over £800

£100 per month for rent, basically? Are you joking?