AIBU about the split of bills….

[Firemansspouse]

So last summer my OH moved in with me, it was earlier than we had planned as he had lost his job. He was renting a place and was running out of money fast.
I said that him and his daughter who lives with him full time could move in with me as it was on the cards down the line anyway.
I own my house, with a mortgage, no kids just me and the two cats.
we discussed finances and I said, that it would be fair for him to pay half towards the mortgage and bills , ie split everything down the middle. He did that.
11 months down the line he’s in the process of losing another job… we are talking senior manager jobs here.. but anyway…

he’s brought it up a few times recently that it’s unfair that I ask him to pay half of the bills and the mortgage… and that really he should just pay half the bills, as I’ve cannot afford to save and if we were to split up after say ten years he would of contributed to the property price which may have gone up by the. But would stand to gain nothing.
there are two things I wish to gain your thoughts on here….
aibu asking for half of all the house bills including mortgage?
if I was to go on bills only would it be unreasonable to ask for him to pay 2/3 of them as him and his daughter live here.
ny bills have gone up exponentially since they moved in.

any thoughts or insights to how you lovely bunch work it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I’m being super unreasonable here whereas I didn’t think I was previously.
TIA

He's onto a bloody good deal.

I don't think there's many places in the UK you could rent a 2 bed flat including utilities and CT for £800!

Most lodgers pay close to that and all they get is a bedroom.

And you say he's a senior manager? Where is his money going?

I'd be doesn't like it he should move out. You could compromise with 2/3 of the bills. Frankly he should have been paying that all along as well as a contribution to rent.

Bloody hell, you have a cock lodger 🤦‍♀️

He needs to move back out.

Ffs 🤦🏾‍♀️!

If ever you can't find desperation, come to MN. This place is like a shelter for unemployed, homeless men.
How are so many educated and/or solvent women so utterly ridiculous?

IMHO fair is slightly less than he would pay for rent for the amount of space he needs. So he's a bit better off and so are you. And get a lodger agreement so that he can't later make a claim against your house.

Bills is 50% if you're being nice, or 2/3 if you're being precise (assuming his daughter is secondary age or above, primary kids don't eat as much).

I havent read all the posts but if he's paying towards the mortgage he can claim in the value of the house should you separate make sure you draw up a simple.agreement saying that the money he pays is for rent

What is the attraction to this man?

I think him paying half towards your mortgage is a bit much. He is right he won't get anything from it, rightfully so.

However I would expect him to pay towards decorating, food, bills and all the added costs. Your mortgage doesn't go up because he moved in.

I think him paying half towards your mortgage is a bit much. He is right he won't get anything from it, rightfully so.

This is incorrect. Paying into the mortgage creates a potential equitable claim on the house

Your error (asides from moving in a cocklodger) is in calling it half the mortgage.

Call it rent (whatever the going rate for a shared house would be), and charge him 2/3 bills, inc. 2/3rd of the food shop.

No way should you be paying to house and feed his kids which you currently are.

So I'd tell him:

'Yep, I realise you shouldn't be paying the mortgage so now I'll need you to pay x rent plus 2/3rds of the household bills, including the food shopping, and of course you pay for anything your kids need'.

That figure will undoubtedly be more than he is currently paying and you will see the true measure of the man.

And then you can tell him to fuck off by the end of the week and fund his own home and children.

He should definitely be paying at least 2/3 of the bills, including food. Or more if 1/3 is more than you used to pay. As clearly there is also another child that comes sometimes? I would also be charging rent/wear and tear money that can go into an account so that stuff in the house can be replaced as needed.

Whether you look at it as rent or a contribution towards the mortgage, it amounts to the same thing and YES, he should be paying towards housing, plus bills, plus food costs. He'd be paying rent (and other bills) elsewhere.

I'm afraid I agree with the first poster. Say the situation isn't working and you need him to move out (give him a deadline).

Yes, and that's what I did when my partner moved into my flat. We split bills 50/50 and I paid 100% of the mortgage. I think it's gross to charge rent to a partner and profit from them, you're not a landlord in that situation. Several years later and I've added him to the mortgage as he's invested into the flat so we now split everything 50/50. And we share all chores too (in fact he does all the cooking and most of the laundry).

@Firemansspouse I think you are using the wrong wording here and it is confusing the issue. He should essentially be paying you rent. Whether that includes bills or not is a negotiation. You need to find out what a place your size would be to rent a month and use that as a bench mark for him to contribute. Say it is 1000 a month to rent a house like yours, he pays 500 a month pls a share of bills.

Calling it half the mortgage is wrong, he is paying you rent to live in your house.

I'd keep him away from the mortgage but expect 2/3rd of bills paid.

This.

But however you decide to split the bills going forward, you REALLY need to get a cohabitation agreement drawn up by YOUR OWN solicitor and signed by you and your partner.

Ideally he should get his own legal advice before signing but you can’t insist on that.

This is actually far more important in the long term than whether or not be pays one half or two thirds of the bills. He could argue later than he’s paid some of your mortgage and make a claim on your house.

She Can’t get a lodger agreement because I assume they are sharing a bedroom. A lodger has to have a room or rooms for their exclusive use, ideally with a lock .

He should pay 2/3 of all bills and some ‘rent’ I wouldn’t phrase it as anything to do with the mortgage though- ware and tear more like

Labour are going to make it easier for grifters like this to stake a claim on your house if he’s lived there long enough so shoo him and his daughter out sharpish. No way would I bankroll this liability.

How much would 2/3 bills and 1/2 the interest on the mortgage come to?

He’s taking the piss if he thinks he should have access to three rooms of your house for under £800 a month.

It’s too complicated when you can’t match each other financially imo . This could become a big headache . £800 is not much for him and his daughter. If this bloke keeps losing his job you'll be keeping both of them. Think carefully about what you want to happen to your home should you pre decease him, he could have a dependency claim. I would move him out before he gets too comfortable. Sounds like he may drain your resources.

I think you should quote an amount you are happy with and call it “rent” rather than saying he’s paying half your mortgage. He’d have to pay rent somewhere anyway and no doubt he’s living cheaper at yours.

This, if he pays rent somewhere else would the landlord have to put him name on the mortgage? Why does his name have to go on her mortgage because he is paying towards it. The alternative to not paying for a roof over his head is to sleep outside.

Im not sure why people think he shouldn't contribute to paying towards the roof over his head.

In this area, a mortgage is considerably less than a rental for the same property. Considerably. So that's a very good deal for him. Plus you are there supporting him and his dd whenever he has a lapse in his employment and your bills have gone up considerably since they both moved in .

If he wants equity, he needs to get his own property, or buy to let. Or set up an investment fund.

You need to get some legal advice on this, so that you are are fully switched on to the implications - if you decide to split after a certain number of years, would he have a claim or not.

I guess it comes down to whether he is fully sharing and wants to be fair or witholding and wants you to subsidise him.

^ this. If he’s pay half the mortgage he is entitled to half the equity increase over that period

I’d be very careful as, with the best will in the world, more relationships fold than endure

Get him to pay you rent - half of what a comparable property gets on the open market, especially as you are housing his daughter too, and 2/3 of the bills

But if £800 is the actual amount of 50% of everything why is that unfair? Market rental rates are immaterial here, what matters is the real cost of running this house. With the mortgage removed from the equation it’s fair he pays 2/3 of bills, which may well be under £800, but if that’s the cost, why arbitrarily add more on to profit from your own partner?