Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Are you sure it's even her? Could be a scam using her number in some way?

YANBU this doesn’t sound right. If she was a genuine, close friend I could understand it.

just say no, I don’t have access to that sort of money.

Block her and ignore. If it’s her it could be the start of asking for lots of money. Or it could be a scam. We had a friend asking for money and we just said no.

Just block

I'd just block her number I think. You are not responsible for her debts, she needs to get herself some debt advice to help her pay this off in a way she can afford.

Sounds like a classic scam technique. Make the request, then create a situation in which there is a time pressure with significant consequences if you don't comply.

No. This isn't a close friend, she only got back in touch when she needed money. A CCJ is recoverable, it just takes time and may help her refocus on finances. If you want to do a good deed, pick a children's charity or hospice.

Well she’ll have to get a CCJ then, won’t she? After all it’s not your responsibility to pay her debts for her. To be honest I think she’s got a bloody cheek after not contacting you for years to only get in touch for money. If it’s even really her.

Stay out of it.

"I'm sorry you find yourself in this position, but you've had no interest in contacting me for the last three years, so it does rather feel that all I am to you at this point is an ATM. DH and I aren't swimming in money, and as the adage says, 'don't lend money that you can't afford to lose'. And we can't afford to lose £2.5k."

I'd be tempted to text saying, 'No - you will get a CCJ because you've got yourself in debt, not because of anything I have done' but it's pointless.

Just block her, she's not your problem. Your DH is weird btw to decide that £5k isn't a 'crazy' amount of money and they will just send it off to a random texter you've not seen for years.

No, i wouldn't help her. I say that as someone who has had a CCJ (unbeknownst to me, my ex partner wasnt paying his share of the bills and unfortunately water was in my name, I only found out when he left me and I discovered an unrelated debt and contacted a debt charity in a panic, i had absolutely no idea and it was an awful time) I didnt ask any friends to help me, even my closest friends who knew it was 100% genuine. Tell her to contact Step Change.

Some scammer probably cloned or hijacked her account and it's probably not even her.

A CCJ isn’t the end if the world. It’ll formalise her need to pay what she owes and restrict her from further borrowing, which is probably a good thing.

Sorry, I should have made clear that it is indeed her. I know there are all sorts of spoofing/cloning of numbers these days, but without being too 'outing', it is indeed her.

You need to work on your boundaries, which seem weak or nonexistent. Why would you even entertain this crazy request?

Do not give her money, you’ll never see it again. It’s her bed, she should lay in it

She's only asking you because everybody else has said no.

Did you speak to her OP or was it just messages?

Don’t do it, you will never see the money again!

My DH spoke to her ex-boyfriend (in person) as I had the same thought of it being a number spoofing or cloning. (My DH and her ex are friends). Story is true/it's her.

ÒP, this is absolutely not your responsibility, and she’s being a CF. Block and ignore.

This post nails it.

I don’t think it’s her. Abusive partner? Stolen phone and can read back messages?

either way block and delete and if you are really worried contact her by other means.

So the advice is the same. She needs to understand that it’s not other people’s responsibility to pay her debts or that that she gets a CCJ.