Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

DO NOT, under any circumstances, send her even a penny.

Her debts are not your problem. And if you did send it to her, would she be making excuses to not pay it back?

Not worth risking it!

Sounds like a scam however I’d point into to Step-change and block, you haven’t spoken to her in over 3 years, their is a reason for this.

This sounds like scammers to me .

I was scammned by text, ostensibly from a friend, all very plausible, asking for help, £200 quid for a very reasonable thing and of course i gave it to her.
More fool me, of course it wasn’t her. I am wiser now, it was a valuable lesson .
I should gave phoned her and of course would do so in future under similar circumstances.

CCJs aren’t THAT bad. She’ll get a plan and pay her creditors and have to wait a few years for it to drop off the credit file. It’s not a prison sentence. May do her some good. It’s not like being blacklisted for a mortgage for life either. She’ll be fine.

Even if it isn’t a third party scam, it definitely sounds like she’s trying to scam you. How odd. I’d stay well clear.

Any updates @seasonsintherain

Just block her on a ll channels, and never ever lend her money.

Her issue not yours. Given the circumstances, her problem not yours. Very naughty to apply such pressure. Block and ignore.

You've made the right choice.
If she's after nagging someone she's not spoken to in years that means she's taken off everyone in her life and nobody will help her any more.

I have one of these.

He's one of those "anything for a friend" types - which is lovely if it's for a genuine friend with a genuine need, but he needs a fucking leash on him when it comes to randoms or people who've barely spoken to us for years.

(His "best man" failed to organise a stag do and then claimed that he had been scammed out of £1000 for a booking the other groomsmen and guests had never heard about. He had to be forcibly restrained from refunding him for it!)

Might be mental health issue or drugs? Either way, you are doing the right thing by not sending any money

My dh had a sort of similar message from a friend. He did help them and they did go on to ask for more. The girl ended up going to prison for fraud. She’d done it to a lot of people, she was in an abusive relationship and he was the one getting her to do it.
when she came out, she apologised and paid DH back.
I really felt for her.

This doesn’t help you @seasonsintherain I know. Just perhaps a different side to the story.

Ive not rtft. Youve said no. I'd just block her now. Youve done nothing wrong, its not your responsibility, dont get involved.

You've done the right thing...her debt is her responsibility and if you bail her out you're unlikely to ever see that money again. Time to set some boundaries.....

Just ignore it; probably a scam

unless you are quite happy never to see your £2500 again that is

Just seen the update, good on you op. Forget about it now

@hallenbad @superspideysense I sent her a message (per my latest post) saying 'no' (for the second time, mind you!) I also said that I hoped she got it all sorted etc...

She wrote back with the saw thing about 'getting a CCJ if I don't help her'. I didn't reply to that. Later on in the day, I got another text. She said: "Whatever. Fine. I've learned a lot from this experience when it comes to friends."

Bear in mind, it's been years since we've even texted!

Left it over the weekend and just put it to the back of my mind now. To clarify, it was indeed her - won't say how I know as I don't want to say too much.

But it wasn't a scam from abroad or anything nor was it a case of 'number spoofing'. But I guess you could say it was a 'scam' in other ways.

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing. The gall to talk about friends when she’s not been in touch for years! Glad you’ve put it to the back of your mind.

"I got another text. She said: "Whatever. Fine. I've learned a lot from this experience when it comes to friends.""

I'd be tempted to reply back "Mate, we haven't spoken for years and you're hitting me up for thousands of pounds that you (lets be honest) won't pay me back! Me too!" 😬

It could still be a scam. How do you know she needs the money? It could be a dodgy boyfriend telling her to ask all her contacts for money.

"Funny you should say that because so have I! Didnt know that it was ok to ignore someone for years and only get in touch to try and get them to pay for the fact that you have overspent and can't pay your bills!"

I have similar "friends" one used to send "hey how are you" messages chat briefly then hit me up for cash another called asking me if she could move into my caravan i told her I didn't actually own a caravan she asked if I was sure 😬 pretty sure and I wouldn't hand it over anyway your being evicted for destroying an entire house why would I give you a caravan?

Yeah say no and stick to it

Block her. A real friend wouldn’t ask let alone put on pressure.

It all sounds really weird. Is she having some kind of mental health crisis? It’s very weird to contact someone you’ve not spoken to in years and basically try to gaslight them into giving you money.