Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Takes a very long time to go legal, that’s what I tell people who genuinely think bailiffs will be turning up within 5 days, on receiving the first dunning stage letter.

Always a process at any point engagement about the situation hates 😉

We are reasonably well off compared to some of our friends and family and have occasionally been asked for 'loans' which would probably end up being involuntary gifts. My response has always been 'we don't have that sort of money to lend'.

it's factually true - we might have that much money but it's not for lending. It's to ensure a comfortable old age for DH and I and by extension to benefit our DC and DGC out. It's not for bailing out extended family and randoms.

Funnily enough, everybody we have turned down got by just fine without our money.

I'd block her (as you have) and have a serious conversation with your husband. I'd want to be certain he doesn't think it's a good idea to give large sums to people just because you technically can

Absolutely.

She’s obviously making her way through her phone book of friends and you’re next. Would be a hard no from me.

Wow, how rude of "her" (as it could be a scam). I always think it speaks volumes when people act like this, if they were responsible people they wouldn't do so. If they were a close friend, I'd probably be conflicted...

But the way she's suddenly contacted you out of the blue and tried to make it your problem to clean up? Nah, no way. I wouldn't reply, the conversation is just going to keep repeating itself.

I think I read on here that 'no' is a complete sentence.
Her debt is not your responsibility and she's not even a close friend, who I'd be more tempted to help. But then a close friend I may have already been aware of money issues with.
Just ignore.

Honestly @seasonsintherain stick with the “no”. Unless you’re prepared to lose the money.

as you’ve already said sounds like she is rifling through old contacts as she has run out of people to approach.

You’ll probably find £2,500 is the tip of the iceberg. Don’t give anything unless you can afford to never get it back as the reality is, you’ll never see that money again if you do choose to give it.

I deal with these types of people on a daily basis for work. They’re usually chasing their tails and not truthful with themselves, let alone third parties - they will say anything if they think they’ll convince someone to hand over the money they need.

Don’t send her any money .
This sounds like a scam but even if it is her then If she can’t afford to pay this debt then she can’t afford to pay you back
Tell her to go to CAB and they’ll help her to sort it out ( she’s most probably lying when she says “it’s wrong” but if not then why pay them ? )
Stick to your guns. If shes anything of a friend she’d have been in touch before now .

Agree stick with No. If you fancy wasting £2,500 go and have a nice break away with your husband or go shopping.

Is there any chance your DH would give her the money without telling you?

Your ex friend sounds manipulative, I would be very clear with DH that you don’t want to give her the money and he shouldn’t either.

Just say "not in a position to help you out at the moment" and block if she pesters. While I wouldn't wish ill on anyone, there's simply no need to help a causal friend with money.

Its a CCJ they're not going to smash her kneecaps in. She's just going to get a bad credit score for being terrible with money. If you "lend" her £2.5k you'll never hear from her for another 5 years that's for sure, and she sure as shit won't give you the money back. I'm sorry but she's a massive CF.

This sounds like a scam. My DH received a WhatsApp message from the number he has for a friend requesting money. When he replied to check the details, it was clear his number had been hacked.

She will have been given numerous opportunities to either pay in full or pay in installments long before it went to the legal people. She hasn't done either and now she's in a self-inflicted mess. I wouldn't reply to her again.

It doesn’t matter if it is her or a scammer. Someone wants to get a huge sum of money from your bank account to theirs.

Either a scammer because that is what they do

Or your former friend who has no affection or respect for you and sees you as an easy target.

So either you accept that you are being taken advantage of and send the money, which you will never see again. Or you tell yourself you are smarter than they think and block the contact.

She is not going to get a CCJ because you don't help her.
She is going to get a CCJ because she got herself into debt.

Let me talk to your husband. If he's not spare thousands then he can fund my loft conversion so that my children don't have to share a bedroom! 🫪

She’s not a close friend, plus she’s not contacted u in years, hasn’t been interested in you, and the only reason she’s doing so now, is to get your cash. Why can’t she go to the friends she’s been hanging out with these past 5 years? Or ask the ex boyfriend or her family??? Why you?

why is DH entertaining this, you already know it feels ‘off’. Steer clear op. In this situation I’d only help genuine friends that were constant in my life

FIVE WHOLE YEARS 😮 since you’ve seen her, and now she pops up and says she needs £2500 and pronto! 😜 And when you say no, she piles on the emotional manipulation. Some people have no shame! It’s actually quite hard to believe. Is she on drugs or a gambling addict or something? Thank your lucky ⭐ you fell out of touch, and best to keep it that way.

She has probably asked all her relatives and close friends and drawn a blank from them so has moved on to more distant acquaintances because she is desperate. The kindest thing you can do is to write back and direct her to organizations like Stepchange and then block. They can set her up with a debt repayment plan and negotiate with the debt collectors on her behalf.

Suggest to her that she contacts Stepchange or Christians against poverty (no need to be a Christian) for advice with her finances and debts. These are free debt charities and your friend should not pay for debt advice.

Giving her the money won't help her as her finances are probably a car crash all round and she will soon be getting into increasing hot water with the next creditor.

I Imagine that to ask you for help her own partner, parents, siblings, close friends must be unable/unwilling to help her. The state of her finances must prevent her from taking a small loan from the bank. Her own partner can't get a small loan for example? That is probably because they have all been there and got the t-shirt of lending her money or they know her issues are such a car crash that their money will disappear into the abyss. Follow their lead - no way! If your husband wants to get involved he should ask his mate why he won't lend his partner the money and watch him squirm. But even better if you both stay out of it. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

But it sounds like she's in a financial mess, which makes it very likely that the best this £2.5k will do is kick the can down the road a few weeks/months until next time one of her creditors tries to take enforcement action. This will carry on until she repay in full or is declared bankrupt/other formal solution.

Therefore the kindest thing is not for the OP to throw £2.5k into a black hole but say no and tell her to get professional debt advice as this will start her on the road to financial recovery.

As others have said, she must've worked through a lot of other people before arriving at a casual friend she's not spoken to in years. Which suggests there's going to be more where this came from. So I think you're right to block her.

I wouldn’t help her. I’ve loaned money to a friend before and while I got it back, the friendship ended.