Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Just block. If it's not a scam, sounds like a her problem.

She’s probably asking you as she’s already tapped out closer friends and family and they’ve had enough. Just block her.

She's contacting you because she's run out of closer friends and family and is widening the circle bigger and bigger to find someone who will cave in. The problem is that she cannot solve her money problems this way. The CCJ is probably the best thing that can happen to her. She needs signposting to whatever kind of gambling addiction or hopaholiv addiction services that can help her to stop this cycle of borrowing, spending and never being able to pay back and postponing hitting rock bottom by giving her more money would not help her even if you were willing to be so generous to such a distant friend (and be clear it would end up being a gift not a loan, as she will not stop having money problems and will never be capable of repaying). The best and kindest thing is to refuse and tell her to go and see citizens advice for help to identify the best services to help her, but that help will not be to keep the magic money wheel spinning - the help on offer will be to help her to rebuild a functional life after it all comes crashing down and that crash is inevitable.

I would send her some links to people that could help- eg Stepchange, Shelter if it’s to do with rent arrears etc. if it does happen she can ask for the CCJ to be taken off her record once she has paid the money.
I imagine she has already asked all of the people she knows better and they have said no!

Just block her. She's just some random acquaintance - why are you involved in her problems? She can be responsible for her own debt, like an adult.

If she is randomly asking you out of the blue and you haven’t seen her for years she is probably going through a long list of people she used to know.

If you want to help her then go with her to CAB for her to get advice.
You are not financially responsible for her

Say, Hi Susan, I know this must be worrying for you but this isn’t something I am able to help with. Have you tried Step change or citizens advice? They are excellent at debt advice and should also be able to help you challenge any discrepancies in what you owe.

Take care, seasonsintherain.

If she's come to you after years of no contact, you can only imagine how many others she's asked already, or still owes money to.

Send her links to organisations that could help... but it sounds like she is desperate if she is reaching out to distant friends to financially rescue her, and that she has been turned down by everyone so far. Probably for a good reason. Her mess is not your problem.

I've had a ccj, it's not life changing or terrible. (Mime was sort of accidental as I missed paperwork being out of the country for 3 months)
It's totally not your responsibility to pay her debts, and she obviously isn't good for a loan so unless you want to staff 2.5k up a wall I'd personally give it to a charity.

If all this is texts/ WhatsApp or emails my first thought would be this is very probably a scam and your friend has had her accounts hacked. The communications have all the hallmarks of a scammer.

The only options here are that your friend is massively taking the p or that this is a scammer. In either case you should ignore and delete the messages.

Why are you even entertaining this?

Just say I’m sorry I can’t, I don’t have it,

shut it down,

I had this from someone I used to work with and was by no means a friend.
He used to earn huge sums and burned through it on a lifestyle I could never have afforded.
He owed a lot of money and rang me for help.
£5k was the request
I knew he’d borrowed from another colleague who had told me he was resigned to never seeing his money again.
I told him politely and firmly that I didn’t have the money to spend and then blocked him.
He ended up going to prison.
I feel zero guilt .
Nor should you

She's got a cheek saying that it's your responsibility to stop her getting a ccj.
I think she will find it's her fault and you a mug if you help her out

I’d block her, you haven’t heard from her or seen her for years and she’s tapping you up for money, all that will happen if you give her the money is she will disappear again until she needs more, or if you don’t give her the money she’ll disappear again, so take back the power and block.

Some people really don’t hold back! No! Just block

This
what a randome thing to ask and how many others has she also asked!

no way would I do this for someone I’ve barely had any contact with!

Block her and don't get involved.

Block her. She could make a payment plan.

No is definitely a full sentence

Just block her

Well as your DH has said you could help her. I imagine that she's desperate. We all need a helping hand at some point.

Well if this is genuine,don't not lend anything. She's probably exhausted her closer friends and family,which in itself not a good sign as she obviously owes them money too.