Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Hi, you did the right thing and you owe her nothing - her CCJ isn't your responsibility. She sounds entitled and you sound like a good person. Keep her muted /archived/blocked and continue living your best life x

Don't give it to her!

This will end badly and the cheeky mare contacting you after all this time, to lend money.

You would be a fool to do this.

That’s not correct. A court will often issue a CCJ when the defendant has offered payment terms.

I can’t just offer a pound a month on my mortgage and have the courts tell
the bank that that’s fine.

Since you are distant friends I’d say she had used up the goodwill of her closer friends. I’d issue a firm no and block her.

I'm glad you are sensible. Your DH on the other hand is a complete mug! Who on earth asks someone for a large sum of money they aren't even close to firstly? Mad.

A few years ago my email got hacked and I suddenly started getting contacted via other platforms by people I hadn’t had contact with in years, seeking confirmation that I was in crisis and needing financial help. They avoided contacting those closest to me, presumably because they’d be more easily able to check, and targeted a very random collection of people I was once close-ish with but hadn’t seen in a long time.

I know you said her ex confirmed it was definitely her, but are you sure he also knows for sure and wasn’t also scammed?

Nice...
So you could afford to give me a £1000? Technically speaking you could afford it right? I'm sure we might even know each other (7 degrees of separation and all that) and I'm very sure I could create a compelling reason.
Why on gods green earth you having money means you should give it to some random is beyond me. Give it to step change as a charity donation of you want to help people who struggle to manage money. It would definitely be more impactful.

I heard about this exact scam taking place on Scam Secrets on BBC Sounds. One poor bloke even fell for it and gave money to the scammers.

Nope, never a lender or borrower be.

She should contact the debt collection agency and arrange to pay it off. This will stop the CCJ

A nice little cruise costs about that much this time of year. You were right to not get involved. And that hasn't been your friend in nearly 6yrs. Lots of people disconnected during lockdown and haven't mentally reconnected with the world since

She’s exhausted all the people she’s closer to before coming to you.

That would be a no from me

You’re 100% certain it’s her messaging you, not her bf? (Call me cynical…)
Either way, obviously the answer is ‘no, and if you ask again I’m going to have to block you’ and then do so.
And make sure your DP doesn’t sneakily pay it! He sounds like his head buttons up at the back.

It also happened to my MIL. They set up a cloned FB account and were contacting random people she knew but who were the last people she’d contact asking for money if she was in trouble.

In any case, if it’s not a scam then, as others have said, the fact no one close to her is willing to help and she’s resorting to distant contacts is not a good sign.

Absolutely not.
I would be very unhappy if my husband was so silly as to consider this.

Block and forget.
Have you spoken to her, or is it just texts. How do you know it's not just a boiler room in Lagos impersonating her?

Even if it is her (and it may not be, scams can be very sophisticated these days), I wouldn't lend her the money.
Most likely, she's messaging anyone and everyone in the hope that someone helps.
That person doesn't need to be you. She needs to go to family, or MUCH closer friends.
There are maybe 4 people in my life that I would lend that sort of money to (and like you, I can afford it)... And a person I haven't text in 3 years, or seen in 5, would not be it.
Just a simple text will do, "Hi Jane, I'm sorry to hear that you're in financial difficulties. Unfortunately, I'm not able to help. Good luck in getting it sorted. Best wishes, OP."
If she continues to bother you, block.

So what if she gets a CCJ? Why is that your problem?

I had a very very plausible one from what claimed to be one of my kids. It even used their language that made me really think it was them. It was a scam I realised when the sum they asked for was around £10k there’s no way the kids would have asked for that . Well not by text .

DH said he spoke to her ex (who he is friends with) and it seemed like she had no concept of budgeting/money management

So since you've confirmed this isn't a scam, and if you ever wanted to reply at all, I'd simply link some money management courses to her

She won't like it of course, but lending money in such circumstances would be ridiculous

If the debt is "wrong" as I think you put it then she can challenge it. If she hasn't got the CCJ yet then she can presumably put in a defence to the claim. If she hadn't got the CCJ yet she has probably received a claim form that she may respond to.

Whether she gets a CJJ or not and whether you can help or not it's not your problem. She can't pay you back as she can't pay it in the first place and it sounds like she's not a real friend. I can understand you might feel guilty or your DH may have made you second guess yourself but you don't have to give your money away.

If you really want to, respond to say that you're sorry she's in this position and she should look into challenging the claim if she doesn't believe be there is a valid claim against her. She can do this is a litigant in person in what it is likely to be the small claims process.

Hi. Thanks for all the replies. Just to let you know that I spoke to DH and he's since agreed that it's not wise to get further involved.

Again, I can confirm it is indeed her (agree/am aware that scams nowadays are very very sophisticated and convincing!) but it is her.

I told her 'no' for the second time and said I hope she gets it all sorted. She wrote back again saying the same thing... that she would get a CCJ if I didn't help... followed by another much more curt one - which included an insult of sorts!

Going to leave it now. Without being too outing, we've since verified with some other parties that this seems to be her MO.

What a CF! That gets a block.

If she is resorting to asking people she hasn’t spoke. To for years then she most likely has bled dry or run out of close friends and family who are still willing to help her. You would never see the money again. In these circumstances I would block any further discussion.

but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid.

Safe to say that's pretty much what happens if you don't pay your debts, but that's not for you to solve.

For all you know you're just one in a line of people that's she's asked/have paid previous debts off for for her.

These type never learn, it's never their fault.