Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

“She said: "Whatever. Fine. I've learned a lot from this experience when it comes to friends."”

She has a nerve saying that. In fact, you could say the same. Here is a “friend” who has shown no interest in your friendship for years until - suddenly - she sees you as a potential ATM.

Most of us don’t need to ‘learn’ that friends you haven’t seen in years, or even friends you see regularly, won’t give you thousands of pounds just because you want it. Sahel she has to learn the hard way.

Tell her to hug that CCJ. What a load of BLX. She’s not getting a CCJ, she’s going around her friends list and seeing who she can screw over. I bet she’s trying to book a holiday and needs the money.

I had a very similar thing from a family friend that doesnt know me very well...turns out their number had been cloned! Like your message ...they were very persistent. I bet you its a scam

It is not your fault that she has debts and you would feel bad of you lent her the money and did not get it back, which could be a reality.

She is putting you in an awkward situation which you can stop by just saying no.

She will have to learn the hard way, I have lost count of the number of people on here who have lent money to people who then choose to dissapear, withoutvpaying it back.

This woman has a nerve to make such unreasonable demands on you, and if you handed her the money, it is likely you will not see it or her again.

You have to ask yourself why a person you’ve had no contact with for sometime is asking you. Surely she has family or closer friends? If none of them are willing to lend it then that says it all.

You did the right thing saying no.

Ooohhhhh I’d give her both barrels for that , the fucking cheeky cow.

Along the lines of grow up, deal with your issues like an adult instead of sponging and stealing, and we are not friends.

So what if she gets a CCJ? It just means she has a bad credit score for 6 years and can’t get a credit card for a while. But as she’s in debt that’s a good thing. There is help available if she needs to sort out her finances from debt charities. And yes, I know what it’s like to be in debt. But not in a million years would I have asked friends for thousands of pounds, let alone someone I hadn’t spoken to for years.

If you decide to reply, the best thing to to say is something like "it's ok. Getting a CCJ isn't a disaster, it could be the first step towards recovery from your money problems, forcing you to stop this never-ending cycle of borrowing more and more to pay off previous debts but continuing to borrow. Lending to you to keep the cycle spinning and stop you from facing up to being grownup about money wouldn't be kind or friendly it would just make your eventual crash even worse. We aren't close friends and if you want to be angry with me for telling it like it is that's ok, I can live with that. Take the CCJ and learn to live within your income without this doom spiral of debt. I wish you well"

Right back saying ‘yeah so have I. They don’t call you for years then only get in contact when they want money’.

Does she not have any current friends or relatives she could ask? Or get a loan, bank overdraft or put it on a credit card? It's not your problem at all. I would just stop replying, you said no and that's it. You are hardly going to miss this ex friend who pops up years later to ask for money.

Clearly any money given to her would be a gift.
You'd never see it again.
Unfathomable that anyone would entertain a request like this, much less from someone they haven't heard from for years!

Mind boggling.

She is probably asking all friends she isnt that close to because she has no intention of ever paying it back! She will take the money and run! You dont know if she is telling the truth either. Just say No, then block her and forget about her!

She hasn't contacted you in years. She's not your friend. Block her and move on. She will have to get the CCJ.

Ignore

Perhaps you could send her links to debt advice.

Why the hell is it down to you? Cheeky cow block and delete you are not responsible for her fuck ups.