Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Nope. You’ll never get the money back and this will escalate. She’ll be asking for more after the first loan.

you are doing the right thing by refusing.

You’ve not spoken to each other in years. She only contracted you as she wanted money. It would be a hard no from me as well.

Oh gosh this reminds me of a distant friend I hadn’t seen in 20 years! She was evicted from her private rental for non payment of rent and luckily was offered a council flat. But she didn’t feel that the council flat near me was good enough, so wanted to rent privately. Problem is she doesn’t have a guarantor nor earnings. Please could I be guarantor and she promises to pay the money?!!!! I reread it at least 20 times before showing my husband! It was crazy pining financial responsibility onto someone you haven’t seen in 20 years! I suspect I was last on the list to be asked and she felt desperate but not desperate enough to live in the council flat! She ended up moving in with family, got kicked out then moved in with different family. When I wrote back that I was sad to read about her situation, but couldn’t help. Being guarantor is a big ask as their income/property are secured against the contract, which can cover 12 months of non payment of rent! She really needed to be asking her parents/brother or close friend. She replied that I was very uncaring as she’d poured her heart out. She would never ask her family for such a thing?!!! So I believe she had zero intention of paying it! You have to put yourself first and not allow people to take advantage of you. Well done for saying no!

I would just block her. She won’t pay you back op that’s why nobody close to her will lend it to her.

Scam or not you'd likely not have got any money back if you had helped out.

Sounds like she's been working her way through her address book to find anyone she's once known to lend her money. Interesting that her family aren't helping her out. If she's that desperate in the first place she'd find it impossible to pay it back.

Forward her some debt support agency details. That's the best way to help her.

Hard no

"Sorry I can't help you with that."

Then mute or block. What a CF!

Why isn't the friend of your DH who knows her helping her?

Make sure your DH doesn't give her any money - he sounds like a really soft touch!

A ccj will only be issued by the court if a respondent has not contacted the court to dispute the allegation or made any effort to suggest terms. A creditor will only contact the court to get a ccj if the debtor has not either paid, made any effort to pay or disputed the debt.

Her reasoning is totally invalid. She is not getting a CCJ because you won't help her she is getting one because of life decisions she made. It's manipulative and disgusting behaviour to suggest otherwise and also demonstrates that she continues not to take responsibility for her life. It would be a hard no and block from me.

By the time she has contacted you she will have tried and exhausted all her closer family and friends over time. Chances are she pays one loan off by borrowing from the next. If the debt is not hers she needs to be prepared to contest it, if not it is suspicious.

No. One request will lead to another. And why you ? She may have asked several people.
As ever with those requesting money she was a bit light on detail. Not providing anything tangible that you can see to substantiate what she was saying. Nor proof of the debt in question.
She is playing on your kindness and generous spirit. But please say no.

I would be very suspicious that this is a scam, though that’s because I was scammed recently myself and they can be very convincing.

But if you’re right and it is genuinely her, then I wouldn’t lend her the money. She has a lot of cheek to be asking you since you’ve been no contact with her for so long.

I got sucked in to lending a substantial sum of money to a friend many years ago and I’ve regretted it ever since. My friend was seriously mentally ill at the time, as it turned out (she’s bipolar) and she hadn’t told me the full scale of the amount of debt she was in. She just wasn’t able to pay my DH and me back.

They usually only apply for a CCJ as a last resort if you've not co-operated and you are not paying the debt back.

She hasn't paid the original debtor.

It could have gone to a debt collection agency and she's not paying them.

It sounds like she's not made any effort to do a budget and agree an affordable repayment with whoever the debt is with now.

If she's failed on all of this and is being threatened with a CCJ, what chance have you got of her paying the money back to you in a timely manner?

It’s not my dsis is it this is something she would do hence why we are nc. Your friend has contacted you because everyone else has said no probably owes them money already. This will be the tip of the iceberg of her debts. Giving her the money because you have very little chance of getting it back won’t help her in the long run she needs to sort her finances out

Crazy request. Get her to contact step change.

I'd message back 'we are barely friends! The only time you contact me is for money. Be honest, you don't care how I am. You just want money. I really don't care if you get a CCJ. That's not my concern. You need to learn to manage your money. Please don't contact me again.' Then block.

Well exactly. Added to the fact that no bank or loan company will touch her and it sounds as though she’s already borrowed money from everyone close to her and not paid it back.

I think you’ve made the right choice on saying no and muting the thread. I hope you do block her today.

Why would you even think about giving money to some random person who has messaged you out of the blue after years? She’s not going to be beaten up by loan sharks she’ll get a ccj, she can use the next 6 years to sort her finances out

It would be a hard no from me. Not your responsibility and it’s her debt to sort out. If she gets a CCJ that’s on her and clearly her closest family and friends have said no which tells you something

She can set up a payment arrangement like everyone else who gets into debt!!

For goodness sake. Why are so many people still saying this when OP has made multiple posts saying that she and her DH have both been able to confirm that it's definitely the friend. Does no-one read threads (or even just OP updates) any more?

Before this update I was going to suggest contacting her on another channel (FB, whatever) and warning her that some cheeky fucker scammer was using her number to try and get money from her contacts, but you know she'd never do something so weird and inappropriate so you were onto it straight away.

But as you know it is her, just reply no, I haven't spoken to you in years and I haven't got 2.5k lying around to pay your debts.

Keep an eye on your DH - in 30 years time he'll be that nice old man in the local news who loses everything in a pyramid scheme.