Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Make sure your DH doesn’t do it via his friend. He sounds like a soft touch

@seasonsintherain This is a scam, it is not her, she has been hacked. Block this contact and if you have another way of getting hold of her, like a phone number, warn her she's been hacked.

A CCJ is not the worst thing in the world. In fact it may be the kick up the arse your friend needs.

Giving her money will probably not save her, it will just delay the inevitable and you'll end up pissed off and out of pocket. It's already causing conflict in your relationship.

Some people have to hit rock bottom in order to rise again. The best thing for her is that y'all let her hit her rock bottom @seasonsintherain and be there to help her up once she's got a bit of cop on.

How on earth is her CCJ your responsibility or problem? She caused the issue, she can deal with it. You don't even speak anymore. She isn't your daughter or sister. Trust me, do not do this. It's not being selfish. It's being wise. Protect your own finances and financial health!

She’s got some hide pressuring you after three years. She’s no friend. Block.

This is outrageous!
Your finances are for you, your family, your household, your future. Whatever mess she’s got herself into is nothing to do with you. Her problem. She’s OUTRAGEOUS to ask and out you in the embarrassing position of having to say no - especially after three years! Terminate this ‘friendship’.

She didnt reach out until she needs a large sum of money... shes not a friend.

And no ones situation goes straight to CCJ this has gone on a while. Absolutely dont let it be your problem

Well done for holding firm and not caving to her guilting or your partner being softer. Her CCJ is her responsibility, nothing to do with you, and just because you have it doesn’t mean you should hand 2.5k over to someone who’s whole problem is they’ve got themselves in debt and aren’t taking responsibility for it. If no one closer is caving, no way is this on you, especially as she’s only surfaced for this reason. You owe her nothing and she’d owe you 2.5k that you mightn’t see again.

Not your responsibility, and you won’t get the money back.

If she gets a ccj, that’s because she’s been irresponsible. Funny how first you’ve heard of her woes is when she’s begging you for money.

Make sure dh doesn’t give her money either. She’s obviously already begged and borrowed from her other friends already.

Absoloutley not!

I had similar just after I had ds2 (I was a single mother and jobless at the time).

A friend I hadn’t spoke to in years messaged me congratulating me on the birth and how we must meet up as she had a present for ds2. In her next breath, she asked for £2000 as she was in rent arrears and being made homeless.

I felt so awkward but lied and said I was in debt to DF so that wasn’t possible. She had the cheek to ask if I could give whatever I could. Wouldn’t get the hint so I stopped replying.

Months later I had a message off a mutual friend and it turned out she had asked the same of her and the mutual friend borrowed her the money. She then blocked her off everything and mutual friend had to go through a small claim court to get the money back.

I’ll never lend money to anyone except close family.

Also think it’s most likely a scam. Ignore. Just read op updates

Exactly!!!

She got herself into debt so she needs to deal with the consequences.

Sounds like the reason she got into debt was because she kept borrowing money and that’s what she’s still trying to do now.

That was my first thought

My feeling would be that I'm not running a charity. You can afford to lose this money, but why should you? You never know what's waiting around the bend, and you may end up needing it sooner than you think. How many distant friends could you really afford to bail out? I'd block her (as you have) and have a serious conversation with your husband. I'd want to be certain he doesn't think it's a good idea to give large sums to people just because you technically can. There are many things you can afford to do that wouldn't be wise spending choices. Pouring money down a bottomless well is one of them.

A CCJ for what? I don’t understand? Does she have a reason to think you are liable for any of her debts?

I would never ask my friend to dig me out of a hole, especially 2 and a half grand! I have a friend who is significantly better off than I am, who is actually my best friend, and I would never ask nor take if offered. Stick to your guns!

I had a CCJ once, I had no idea I had it until one day I checked my credit score and it was incredibly low (after years and years at full marks!). I have no idea where the CCJ came from but other than my credit score going down, literally nothing else happened to me. I think the CCJ was already two years in when I looked at my credit score. But I've been lucky enough to never need to borrow money 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would never ever "lend" £2,500 to a distant friend, especially one who was so brazen to be asking persistently. You'd never get it back! Sounds like she's got herself into something she needs professional help with, not people giving her money.

Tell your DH to ask the friend why he isn’t helping his ex. He had a much more intimate relationship- with her than you ever did, I assume.

No, because if she didn't need the money, she wouldn't be getting in touch with you.
Save your money for yourself. Or give to a good cause either here or abroad. The sheer cheek of this request would be turn me off. Although a kinder person than me might say she must be incredibly desperate to debase herself in such a way to beg- many people would find that humiliating.

No idea. A CCJ doesn't just happen out of the blue. I suspect this has been going on for a year or more. DH said he spoke to her ex (who he is friends with) and it seemed like she had no concept of budgeting/money management.

No, I am obviously not liable for any of her debts. We've never lived together or anything nor have I ever received money from her or anything like that...

@seasonsintherain "She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her."

Had a similar scam email a few months ago. A neighbour's email account got hacked and they sent begging emails to her entire email list. I know some other neighbours handed over £500.

I didn't because it was so weird for just a neighbour I didn't know that well, hadn't spoken to in a few months, to be asking me for money. She has family she could ask. I texted her to say I think her email got hacked, and she said yes, she knew and was dealing with the fall out.

Anyway, just saying, it sounds like a scam.

Edited to add: It was the same thing with me, VERY VERY odd to be contacting me after a long time. So the hacker does the "Been so long!" thing. Reply saying you know they're a scammer and you've reported them to the police. That's what I did. Instant silence.

Your friend is attempting to steal money from you OP.

No, more likely someone who's hacked her email account is attempting to steal.

I'd block her (as you have) and have a serious conversation with your husband. I'd want to be certain he doesn't think it's a good idea to give large sums to people just because you technically can.

This.

Obviously, don't lend the money and block her.

But the issue seems to be your husband. Why would he even for a second entertain giving this person money?

Whether or not he's friends with her ex is irrelevant.

Giving family money to someone like this is not a prudent or sensible use of a limited resource.

It seems that your husband's views are the actual issue here.

If it’s genuine, she’s better off looking at debt relief options. Like a DRO or similar (if she’s not got much in the way of assets).

Or even bankruptcy.

She shouldn’t be looking to “borrow” from friends when she can’t pay it back. And better to write off debt to a company by the above options than a friend.