Distant friend saying she will get a CCJ if I don't help her.

[seasonsintherain]

I was contacted earlier this week by a former friend. We didn't have a falling out or anything... it's more just that life changed post COVID (she moved out of the city).

She initially started with the usual thing of: 'How are you?! Been so long!' etc... and said she was needed money (around £2500). I thought this was odd given it's been about 3 years since we last texted and 5 years since I actually last saw her.

She said that she was being chased by a debt collection agency from when she lived in the city. I won't go into too much detail, but she said she was going to get a CCJ if this debt (which she claims is 'wrong') doesn't get paid. I found this whole thing to be very suspicious and odd since it had been so long since I heard from her.

My DH said it's not a 'crazy' amount of money 'to us' - but that's not the point for me. He went on to say we 'could' help her, but only if it felt genuine. I understand that life can change a lot in years - and I obviously hope life hasn't taken a bad turn for her.

Also, what irked me the most was that because I wrote back at all (in answer to the 'how are you' stuff - which was before the money request), she since piled the pressure on and said she will 'get a CCJ if I don't help her'. I looked into a CCJ and understand that it stays on your credit file for 6 years and is very damaging.

But since she piled the pressure on and implied that the responsibility lies with me, I don't want to get deeply involved.

I wrote back and said it was a 'no' from me and didn't go into any further details, she just repeated herself and said that I 'needed to understand that she will get a CCJ if I don't help her'.

Whilst DH and I COULD help her, everything about this feels wrong. AIBU to just not reply again?

Yeah was going to say this. She’s obviously worked her way through her contact list and nobody has fallen for her tale of woe, and now she’s getting desperate and is reaching out to anybody and everybody.

If her nearest and dearest can’t/wont help - because they know that she will screw them over ? - why the hell should you?

Exactly.

A CCJ isn't even a big deal in the scheme of things. If it were my scam, I'd say I owe drug dealers that want to break my legs or something!

I can't imagine any situation where I'd ask an acquaintance from 5 years ago for a couple of grand, unless I had burnt all of my bridges and was really desperate. This is your call OP but if you do help out, I would consider it a gift as highly doubtful you would see the money repaid

Just seen your update that you have confirmed that it is her. Just block her and ignore, she has a massive cheek.

Why have you not rang her yourself?

It could be the bf texting.

No one asks people for a large amount of money like this.

Her problem
not yours
do not lend a penny

Three years since any communication and 5 years since you last saw her! She’s taking the piss. She has asked others for this money not just you. Ignore. Or just say you are simply unable to help. Then block.

Yeah £20 for shopping in an emergency because you’ve lost your bank card, not £2500!!

She needs to go to a debt agency, not OP

I have already told her 'no' (as I said in my initial post) but DH feels 'softer' and we 'could' help her. He spoke to her ex (who he is friends with and who still lives in London) after I kept getting messages saying that if I don't help her she'd get a CCJ. Can confirm it is indeed her/not a 'spoofer'.

I've muted/archived the chat. Will block as I believe the same as the PPs on here. Sounds like someone rifling through their contacts list since they've burned most bridges.

YANBU. She is hoping you are a soft touch. Helping out some person you are not close to is not your concern. That is not an immaterial amount of money and you won't see it again.

This

Why does she think your responsible? Tell her to bog off and block her number

I imagine this is hard because financially you could help. But it isn’t helping her deal with the issue of getting into debt. You could give her money (don’t expect it back) with the knowledge that you’ve helped pay her debt off but all that does is assuage your guilt and kick the can down the road for your former friend.

If she’s getting into debt on a regular basis that she’s now turning to distant friends to pay it off, this must make you think as to what happened with family/friends before. Maybe they no longer want to ‘lend’ her money to pay her debts off or they know that the only way for her to deal with whatever emotional issues drive the debt is for her to take responsibility for her choices.

Block or tell her not happening then block.
She will have exhausted all avenues for getting cash..You're a last resort.

If a friend she hasnt spoken to for years is literally her only option then I would think that she has been living far beyond her means for a long time. Also that she has probably tapped out all of her closest friends and family, so they wont help her either.

As is often said on here, if she can't get credit through the bank etc because they think she is a bad risk, why on earth would you consider it? You wont see a single penny back from her so unless you are happy to gift her £2.5k then YANBU at all to simply stop replying.

Not your problem. If you cave in that will not be the end of it. Block.

Not your problem and she’s cheeky for piling on pressure. Friends don’t do that. Just block her.

WTF? No, it's not your responsibility, and she's not family or an extremely close friend.

You will never see the money again. It's hardly life saving surgery or something. No of course it's not unreasonable to stop replying.

I had something like this from a former boyfriend. I believe he sadly got into drugs since I last saw him and I'm not even sure if it was him using his phone or one of his associates who just knew a bit about me.

For the sake of an old friendship, I’d send one final message reiterating you won’t be lending her the money, but wishing her luck in getting sorted and with this link for support/advice:

www.gov.uk/debt-advice

If she continues texting and trying to guilt trip you, just block her number.

Block!!! Do not even consider giving this money

this is fucking mental, fuck off is a sentence as well as no.

State very clearly again, no. Block and delete. In the nicest way, this is not your issue.

I wouldn't give her the money. The fact you aren't even close anymore and she contacted you out the blue shows she's exhausted her options and she hasn't got anyone who trusts her to lend her money.

If you lend it to her, you won't get it back.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do to someone is not enable them.

If this isn't a scam and is indeed a woman who you haven't had contact with in 3 years and not seen in person in 5, then she's got some bloody cheek to ask for money!!

Her debts are not your responsibility to pay. Even if you did give her the money, and you notice I said give and not lend, you'd never see a penny of it paid back, so it would be pointless to lend it. Giving or lending money, opens the flood gates for further requests for money in the future. You being able to afford to give her the money is irrelevant.

You've responded back and refused her request, that's the end of the matter. She needs proper debt advice and a realistic payment plan to repay her debts to her creditors. None of which is your problem or responsibility. I think it's time for you to block this woman, because she's not a friend.