First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

I find raise all year and make free community meals for every Christmas, Easter and free kids meals every school holidays. I absolutely do not expect a single thanks or any praise at all. I do it for ME not for validation.

In fact, your Son will have noticed you’d gone up to pay. He probably told them at the time and they thanked him! More likely than them just sitting there completely oblivious as to where you’d gone and then walking off

Them not enquiring about the bill and then not saying thanks is definitely off. But you also not discussing the bill and saying we would like to get this is odd. You wanted to pay, you paid thats end of.
Sounds like you have disposable income they don't. Maybe they thought that was the understanding and it became ackward that it wasn't brought up.
If you haven't been in the position off financial struggles its hard to understand the mindset.
You are in the position of privilege here let it go.

Not sure why you're getting so much flak, OP… it does seem a bit odd that they haven’t acknowledged the bill.
Personally, I think there’s a chance they could be CF’s, but that’s just my opinion.😉

They are rude and should have thanked Op and her husband. End of story

....and the most basic of manners is to say thank you to anyone who has made such gestures.

You stealth paid. Maybe they thought therefore stealth thanking you was the right response.

seriously just say ‘we’ll get the bill this time’ 🙄

I really hate it when my in laws try to stealth pay.

God knows what people like that tell themselves.

Well I think this thread has enlightened us on that: they tell themselves they have been condescended to, infantilised, or robbed of their autonomy to decide if they want to pay for themselves.

I certainly won't be picking up as many tabs going forward now I understand what a double-edged thing it is in the minds of some.

Exactly
Op didn’t expect to bend over and for dil’s parents to lick her and her dh’s arses . All she expected was a simple thanks . Pray tell me what is wrong with that ?

Oh but it hurts !

This. I’d assume comms happened between them and your son and they thanked him politely

100% this.

What is it recently with completely insufferable OPs starting faux innocent threads when they just want to be told they were absolutely right and differing views are met with “what the fuck?!”.

Well now you know, you'll swerve any future meals won't you?

Have you spoken to your son? (I would have)

Some absolutely mental responses on here.

OF COURSE they should have offered to go halves at some point. And OF COURSE they should have thanked you, and perhaps suggested picking up the drinks tab.

Anyone talking about grand gestures/performances/being annoyed about someone else paying is living in a parallel universe to me. It's BASIC manners and the most normal thing in the world to offer/thank.

There is nothing performative about paying. And there is nothing ridiculous about expecting thanks and anyone who suggests otherwise is plain old wrong.

OP - YANBU

OMG another thread with ridiculous comments.

Yes, they are CFs.
If it had been me out with you, I'd have definitely enquired about the bill before leaving. Upon finding out you had paid, I would have been really grateful and made it clear that I would pick up the bill the next time.

Who are these people that go out, fill their faces with food and drink and then just leave without asking about the bill??

So many CFs in this world!!

I'm saying that when I pay I don't take note of who has thanked me or not.

YANBU OP - a simple thank you was all that was needed by the other party.

Seems like your son is trapped.

So you’d not notice if not one person thanked you. This isn’t some did some didn’t, so your comment makes no sense.

I was going to suggest this too! 😂 (although the lack of contribution tonthe wedding makes it feel a bit less likely)

Honestly, it’s almost impossible to credit that people can twist things so out of shape in their minds, as to get bitter about being paid for discreetly. You can’t anticipate the distortion of others minds, best not to think about it!

There are some really mannerless people in this thread .
Even if the Op is attempting to make grand gestures and even if she is insufferable this does not take away from the fact that her dil’s parents did not say bother to thank her. They are rude
Even if they thanked her son , they should still have thanked her . It is basic manners

No, I wouldn't.

This!! 100%

Absolutely

So why didnt your husband say he'd paid the bill when he sat back down of you weren't trying to do it in secret?