First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

He is too but it's one thing to forget to thank your parents for treating you to dinner and quite another to not thank your in-laws. Everyone was rude but in varying degrees.

This is so weird-who leaves a restaurant without saying we haven’t paid? And then thanking someone? Rude as fuck

I agree.

Not saying thank you is very very rude

Who invited whom for the meal out?
Are they from the same culture as you?
I live in a European country where the standard practice is that if you invite someone out for a meal, you pay for it.
It's possible that there's something like that at play here.
However, it's extremely rude to just walk out and not thank you for the meal.

And if they aren't from a different culture with different etiquette which might have meant there was a bit of a misunderstanding, they are cheeky fuckers. There should have been some discussion about paying, at least making noises about splitting the bill etc., even if you were planning on paying for it anyway. And absolutely definitely a lot of thanks for the meal at the end, we'll get it next time etcetc.

I live in a European country where the standard practice is that if you invite someone out for a meal, you pay for it.

But even then, aren't you supposed to say thank you at the end?

We have been treated in this way often in other countries, and I'm now worried we trod on toes by saying a simple "Thank you for the wonderful meal; we've had a lovely evening."

Is it customary to pretend you haven't noticed?

It’s always best to read at least the ops posts. The son and daughter in law invited both.

If you had always intended paying what's the problem? Peoples manners are their problem.

Utterly crazy, someone even suggested the son said to them don’t gush, it’s like some fantasy land.

I think it goes without saying that you value and respect your adult child’s in-laws until given a reason not to.

Well I for one think it's rude and weird of the parents (and your son and DIL) @50sandFabulous

It's not just the parents who expected it to be taken care of but the 'kids' too. Maybe it was discussed beforehand and your DS mentioned you usually take care of the bill?

But for no-one to even question it - which then leads nicely to being able to thank the bill payers - is absurd.

I'd be messaging DS and telling him as much.

Ooh! Harsh!

I’d expect a thank you and for them to pay next time 🙂

Yes, that would enrage me beyond all belief. So so rude from the recently married children to the other parents. I would be having a word with my child about it; telling them exactly how rude I thought they all were.

Yes 100% all of them including your son should have said thank you. Manners!!!! And I would be having a word with my son too. And would absolutely not be paying for everyone again

There are no excuses. All you can do is live and learn not to do it again.

It is totally rude of your son and DIL not to say anything either. Perhaps if your son doesn’t bother saying thank you, nobody else bothers either.

I'm not going to say anything. Doubt we will be having a meal together any time soon, as DIL's parents live far away. But if we do, I'll be sure to get the bill delivered to the table and we can split it. It was terrible service, hence why DH went up to the bar. We hadn't planned to pay it secretly.

I have no idea about the parents financial situation. I just don't know them well enough. If I had to guess, I would say we probably have more disposable income, purely because our kids have left home, whereas not all of theirs have. And some are not even adults yet - there are a lot of kids!

Maybe something like ‘shall we get the bill’ then DH can say he’s covered it
others can say thank you and be on their way
seems son, DIL and PIL didn’t want to ask in case they were then expected to pay

Really? You find it strange that not one of the other people even asked about the bill? And then thanked someone for picking it up? How rude and entitled are you? Do you often leave restaurants without asking for the bill because ‘there is a lot going on’

Sorry, they didnt "LET" you pay. You went behind their back (literally as you said the bar was behind them so they couldn't have seen you pay) and paid for the whole thing which you had already decided you would do.
At that point your son probably said his parents were paying and they thanked him. But even if that didnt happen, why are you so mad? It does strike me you wanted the performance of being thanked for the grand gesture!

But they didn’t make ‘a grand gesture’ they quietly paid, didn’t mention it and not even one other person asked for the bill, let alone acknowledged it may have been paid. There are some very rude and entitled people on here

Does the OP actually say that (in the deleted post)? I can only see confirmation that the son chose the restaurant, its not clear if they also issued the group invite.

If DS/wife issued the invite they should pay. I would expect to pay if I invited someone out. Perhaps the iLs assumed they had and thanked the DC.

If I was invited out by one of my adult children I would not unilaterally decide I was going to pay for everyone - its very rude to assume over a host in that way. I would quietly offer to my DC to cover or contribute to their costs because I can but I would also respect their right as adults to host.

Of course its rude not to thank people and if the iLs did not thank the DC either then their manners are wanting. However its also rude presume the bill over the head of the host or to expect your guest to offer to pay if you are the host.

All that said, I’d be inclined to shrug and accept it as part of life - nothing stranger than folk who are not us.

But if they didn't contribute anything at all to their DD's wedding, they are either a) oblivious of normal parental generosity; b) extremely hard up; c) mean.

Whatever, none of it reflects well on them. But that is now your son's issue to navigate, not yours.

Why would anyone thank someone else who didn’t pay the bill? Saying thank you is just good manners. When my bloke pays for my lunch I say thank you. It doesn’t have to be a “performance”. There really are some bad mannered fuckers in this world.

I agree. Very weird. And very rude. Very poor manners.