how to handle requests about cat visiting times?!

[GreenLoafers]

For the last six years, whenever my friend has gone away I've looked in on her cats. It means popping in twice a day to put food down, refresh their water bowls and empty the litter trays.

It started off as a group effort with multiple friends sharing the task but everyone else has dropped off for various reasons so now its just me.

I don't mind too much.

My morning visits tend to happen anywhere between 6am and 9am depending on what else is going on in my life.
Yesterday, I went in at 6:15am. Today I went in at 8:50am.

When I text my friend an update today she was very grateful but asked whether I could please try and visit the cats at the same time each day. She was very polite about it.

To me it doesn't seem like it matters - when I go in earlier, the cats don't move off the bed so I assume they just amble down to get their food when they're ready.

I'm not sure how to handle this. In some ways I'm pretty pissed off about it and want to tell her to shove the cat visiting up her arse. But, in another way, she's very polite about it and I don't want to risk losing a friend.

Sorry - this is a bit garbled.

Bloody hell! I would never impose this on anyone for my cats. We go away = they go away. To a cattery, which they hate. I hate that they hate it, and even more I hate the way it dramatically increases the cost of our holiday.

But I know they're safe, well looked after and that I'm not abandoning them home alone, with just a token visit from an unpaid help!

I'd do as the other cat-sitting group members have done and gracefully bow out next time.

Ah yes @diddl - good point!

Considering you are doing her a favour, that is massively entitled and cheeky. If the cats have to be visited at a certain time she can pay a professional service to do so. I looked after a friend’s dog once, it was a pain in the arse, pissed on our bed and I didn’t even get a thank you! That was the first and last time I’ve ever helped anyone with their pets 😂 In future I would just say you are busy and let her pay someone like most people do.

She’s actually being a CF! My cats have an automatic feeder (they only eat dry food) and a water fountain so if I’m away for the weekend they don’t need anything. My next door neighbours have popped in if I’m away longer to make sure the feeder hasn’t conked out or run out and the water is still full but once a day any time to suit them is greatly appreciated! In return I throw lettuce over the fence for their tortoise when they’re away and I let them put their garden waste in my brown bin. They’ve also in the past asked the person clearing their gutters to carry on across to my house too (we are semi detached). It’s about helping each other, not expecting someone to do it and then being demanding about times!

This puts a somewhat different light on things IMO. You have been saving her a lot of money by cat-sitting for free. She will occasionally bring you back a little token of appreciation but nothing that would be equivalent to the amount of money you are saving her.

But when you ask her for ONE favor equivalent to what you are doing for her, she does a big song and dance to describe in detail how much it will inconvenience her, clearly with the goal of either NOT doing the favor or of somehow positioning you as being in her debt for her doing you the favor.

Now she is trying to add more inconvenience to the favors you do for her. She's being cheeky.

My cats start yelling if we don't put them to bed on time. Nothing to do with the fact they get fed at this time of course 😂

Exactly. when you're away your cats routine goes out of the window anyway 🤷‍♀️

Hahahahha what a cheeky cow!!! Some people really think they are something special. Tell her to spend roughly £24 a day on 2 visits and use your time to have a G&T!!

First post nails it!

Polite or not, your friend sounds entitled. I’d tell her that this fits around your other commitments and in the future I would absolutely refuse any further help. What a cheeky cow.

Cats don’t care about a 1-3 hour window - they’ll sleep or entertain themselves till you let yourself in. I have three and can see mine on the house camera just being lazy sods till they hear the door go.

@GreenLoafers

This one seems the least arsey back to your friend, although I would personally be tempted by some of the others!

I'd go polite back- "oh I'm so sorry, I don't think I can guarantee being the same time every day as my schedule can change. If you think it's anissue I imagine a professional paid cat sotter would be able to be more flexible for you"
Her choice if she wants to stick to what you can kindly offer and free, or dictate terms to a professional.

She can always get an auto feeder, an automated cat litter scooper tray and a cat flap.

Tell her its on your timetable not hers. CF

you could suggest automatic feeders for her if she is so set on routine (although I'm not sure if would work with multiple cats) ours eats at the same.time everyday & when we are on holiday she has a dry feeder and wet feeder which are set. Then the visitors just come whenever and wash up & reset them for the next meal

I pay someone and I don't demand any more than they visit before ten because I'm waiting to know if the cat is OK.

^
This

I would suggest that you take charge when you reply. Not "if you prefer", but you dictating how things will be.

For example: "Unfortunately no, I'm not able to do that. I understand that you need a professional to take over looking after them next time you are away. I hope you're enjoying your holiday, see you when you're back."

Wow! Some people have got some bloody cheek. Does she realise how much a professional pet sitter will charge? Plus she won’t get a set time from them either it will most likely be a 2 hour window.

Nah if someone's doing you a favour then you have to fit round them. My cat is super grateful if someone turns up when we are away, doesn't matter what time!

So rude OP.
Really not good to tolerate it.

It's this type of entitlement that has my friends not entertaining even family.

My friend doesn't have family pets for this reason and had a huge falling out last year when her younger sister booked a three week holiday and just assumed she'd take the dog, without even a conversation.
Unbelievable.
She called her difficult and selfish!

She couldn't believe that she would have to pay for kennels because my friend was not prepared to rearrange her time, despite being recently retired.

Their other working siblings said absolutely no too. She is most put out at the considerable cost of kennels.

She was very rude to my friend and she has taken this as a great opportunity to put distance between them.

She has been imposed upon by her for taking her children once too often for weddings, weekends away and she is so done.

Her sister has tried to force a conversation to sort things out, but my friend has refused as this new status quo suits her just fine.
She is no longer available for any favours and has relished the peace over the past 10 months.

My cat eats as and when she feels like it, Ditto with going out coming in.

I've been caring for a neighbour's cat. Was a bit perturbed when she admitted that they've put a webcam into the cats area and know when I arrive, leaving, clean out the tray, change the water etc. And I've never had a gift 🤣

Your friend needs to pay a professional cat sitter if she expects 2 visits a day!! Especially if she’s not paying you a fee!

My friend is popping in to feed my cats when I’m away and they’ll be having cat biscuits rather than wet food whilst I’m away and I’ve asked her to pop in once every 2 days to check on them. Certainly not daily!
Plus I plan to give her £100 for the week as a thank you.

I used to look after a friend’s cats when she was on holiday but made it very clear that as she lived in the opposite direction to me, the first visit would be lunchtime as I wasn’t sitting in rush hour traffic in the morning. Both her and the cats were absolutely fine with that.

I did it for quite a few years but then said friend got two more cats, followed by another three - taking the total to seven. It was taking me most of my lunch break to wash bowls, put out fresh food and water and clean all the bloody litter trays.

She did always give me a gift voucher and flowers to say thank you but I don’t do it any more as I have my own cat to slave after. She pays a teenager who lives opposite to do it now.

In my experience cats are great creatures of habit.

My cat (sadly no longer with us) liked to be fed at exactly 6pm - I'd usually be starting to make dinner with the TV on for the BBC news at 6 and as Clive Myrie's voice intoned the headlines over the introductory music, our cat would get up, stretch and stroll over to his bowl from where he would gaze meaningfully at me until I produced his food 😆

I have cats. They are fed at 5.30am when DH goes to work, 4pm when DD used to come in from school and about 10pm before we go to bed.

Family feed when we're away. One pops in the AM and one after tea. No idea what time but it works and I'm grateful.

Cats will manage for a week or two. They don't wear watches

With friends like this I'm not surprised.