how to handle requests about cat visiting times?!

[GreenLoafers]

For the last six years, whenever my friend has gone away I've looked in on her cats. It means popping in twice a day to put food down, refresh their water bowls and empty the litter trays.

It started off as a group effort with multiple friends sharing the task but everyone else has dropped off for various reasons so now its just me.

I don't mind too much.

My morning visits tend to happen anywhere between 6am and 9am depending on what else is going on in my life.
Yesterday, I went in at 6:15am. Today I went in at 8:50am.

When I text my friend an update today she was very grateful but asked whether I could please try and visit the cats at the same time each day. She was very polite about it.

To me it doesn't seem like it matters - when I go in earlier, the cats don't move off the bed so I assume they just amble down to get their food when they're ready.

I'm not sure how to handle this. In some ways I'm pretty pissed off about it and want to tell her to shove the cat visiting up her arse. But, in another way, she's very polite about it and I don't want to risk losing a friend.

Sorry - this is a bit garbled.

I don't think so, TBH.

ETA: I mean I don't think my friend's cats get that upset about routines. I've never owned a cat so have no idea.

I personally don't think she was cheeky or unreasonable to ask. She was polite and it wasn't a demand. I'd just say that I'd do my best, but I can't guarantee it as I have to fit it in around other commitments.

Depending on how she responds to that would determine whether she's a dickhead or not to me.

By group effort, I mean she asked each individually and then created a WhatsApp group so three of us could arrange looking in on her cats while she was away on holiday for two weeks.

This is ridiculous. She needs to put her hands in her pocket and pay for a professional sitter.

If you can't afford to keep pets, don't.

My cats like routines. They absolutely get miffed at the weekend when I don't get up at 6 and feed them.

But they cope. They just sit on either side of the bed, giving me meaningful looks.

They like routine. They don't need routine.

Wow, I pay for a professional cat sitter to come twice a day and would never dream of telling her to come at the same time each day! I appreciate she has other commitments and it doesn’t matter when she comes really as long as they get fed, fussed and litter cleaned. I certainly wouldn’t do that to a friend either, I would say thank you for taking care of my cats and leave it at that! I also think asking a friend to come more than once a day is taking the mick… if you want that then pay someone who offers it.

This is batshit 🤣🤣 my own cat gets fed by me at different times, usually between 6 and 8am but sometimes 5am and sometimes 11am if I've stayed out the night before. Same in the evening if I'm home I'll feed her around 5pm, but if I'm out for the day she'll be fed any time up to midnight. My neighbour feeds her when I'm on hols (I feed her rabbits in return) and I would never dream of specifying a time!

It's a bloody cat does she think they eat at set times in the wild?!

I have outdoor cats who turn up on the neighbour’s doorstep if she’s late with their breakfast!

It depends on the cat, what they are fed, any meds, any health issues etc. As said, I cat sit, and I've had/fostered cats for over 50 years. Cats can be absolute bastards. If they normally have a litter tray each, but are left, one will decide to get on the other one's nerves. So as long as that's not an issue, a two hour window is fine.

After what you said about her response to just looking in on tour dog for 1 DAY I’d say you were meaning to say to her that it’s been 6 years you have been doing this favour for her and as it’s never been reciprocated- mention your husband had to cancel his important meeting as the one time you asked she made such a drama out of it you gave up! - so suggest she gets a professional cat sitter from now on. Average price is £25 a day!

Bloody hell, she should be grateful you’re doing it at all!

I would go with a message like the ones suggested above.

You could also suggest she gets a timed pet feeder (works for dry food, not so much for wet) and electric water fountain. This would give more flexibility over visit times as it would only be the wet food that needs doing fresh.

She's a massive CF. Unless you really like cats and are getting free cat cuddles that you really value, I'd stop helping her.

She's not willing to return the favour, doesn't always bring you back a holiday gift as a thank you and you don't consider her a close friend. Those alone are enough reason to call it quits.

Now on top of that she's treating you like staff!

I'd reply: "That won't be possible, sorry". No justification or explanation. You're doing her a favour, she shouldn't be questioning how you do that favour.

Rude.
I have a cat sitter who visits my two cats when I'm on holiday. £10 a visit, I consider that cheap. She has a part time job and other cat sitting/dog walking jobs and doesn't always come to my village at the same time. I suggested she fits my cats in her schedule.
1st: they get dry food from a machine around the clock so they are not hungry. She just gives them wet food and changes water.
2nd: one of my cats is antisocial and won't even come out to see her most times. The other one will, if it suits him. They don't really seem to care at all what time she's coming.
Equally I don't always feed them at the same time either, on weekends I don't get up as early as I do weekdays, I wouldn't expect my paid cat sitter to adhere to routine that doesn't exist.
If your friend want to make demands she needs to start paying you or someone else. Otherwise she should just shut up and be grateful, you are saving her hundreds!

Yeah I guess that's true. Mine have had a tray as kittens then we withdraw it once they become outdoor. But the last one we had used a tray. But her brother didn't. So now they crap in the garden. I guess I've never seen tray sharing going tits up! Also maybe some do have more regular movements! X

Correct

‘Sorry, I can’t commit to the same time every day. You’ll need to pay for a cat sitter if that’s your priority, which is fine-just let me know.’

Cats like routine but they adapt to changes well. When we have a friend looking after our cat we are happy that they agree to do it! We would never ask them to stay on a schedule. As long as she is being fed in the morning and then not too late in the evening then it’s fine.

I should also say that I think I actually am pretty consistent in my visiting times.

The morning is a three-hour window which is quite wide but always between 6am and 9am. I mean its not like I rock up at 4:30am one morning, then 11am the next day.

Evenings is always between 5:30pm and 6:30pm.

If she cares that much about it then she needs to alter her own life and not go on holiday, not try to alter your life. She should be appreciating the favour not finding fault with it.

She obviously doesn't even realise professional cat sitters won't give her a time at all and she's got a "gold dust" situation with you always showing up within a small time window. Which means she hasn't looked into anything or considered whether her request is fair and reasonable before asking it, all she cares about is that she wants it. She's selfish.

If she cares that much about it then she needs to alter her own life and not go on holiday, not try to alter your life

Well, quite.

If you've been doing this for 6yrs why is it a problem now?

If you say you can't do as she wishes & she's welcome to find someone else-what's the betting the answer will be no, it's fine just do what you can?

That's similar variation to what our cat gets when we are home! No one gets up to feed him at 6.30 at the weekend.

You're doing her a huge favour and have saved her a shitload of money over the past six years. She can find, and pay for, a cat sitter if she's so bothered.

From OP's previous posts, I got the impression the cat feeding duties were previously shared between a few people. Now they're no longer doing it, OP is the only one left, which is quite a commitment for two weeks unpaid.

Combined with the friend insisting on set visiting times, it sounds as though the arrangement has run its course. At some point, if you're regularly relying on others to provide free pet care, it's probably time to start paying for a cat sitter, as many other cat owners do.

She's got some cheek, I'll give her that!

I dont even feed my own cats at the same time every day so I wouldn't expect someone else to! (I usually pay a friend of DDs to do it)