how to handle requests about cat visiting times?!

[GreenLoafers]

For the last six years, whenever my friend has gone away I've looked in on her cats. It means popping in twice a day to put food down, refresh their water bowls and empty the litter trays.

It started off as a group effort with multiple friends sharing the task but everyone else has dropped off for various reasons so now its just me.

I don't mind too much.

My morning visits tend to happen anywhere between 6am and 9am depending on what else is going on in my life.
Yesterday, I went in at 6:15am. Today I went in at 8:50am.

When I text my friend an update today she was very grateful but asked whether I could please try and visit the cats at the same time each day. She was very polite about it.

To me it doesn't seem like it matters - when I go in earlier, the cats don't move off the bed so I assume they just amble down to get their food when they're ready.

I'm not sure how to handle this. In some ways I'm pretty pissed off about it and want to tell her to shove the cat visiting up her arse. But, in another way, she's very polite about it and I don't want to risk losing a friend.

Sorry - this is a bit garbled.

God, twice a day. Every day. For no pay. If she wants a regular visitor at a particular time, I think she would be better off getting a professional cat-sitter/visitor. Even they may not run to her schedule though, I think she'd find.

I rather like your idea of telling her to "shove the cat visiting up her arse".

Shes a tightwad CF. Tell her to put her hand in her pocket and pay for a cattery

As someone with two cats and who relies on the good will of someone popping in to feed and water them, your friend is bat shit.

I'd be inclined to "politely" tell her you can't commit to her exact time frame and then never, ever cat sit for her again. Cheeky fucking cow.

My MIL / FIL feed our cats and I'd never dream of asking them to commit to a certain time of day, I love my boys and I swear they can tell the time as they always appear around their meal times but they are cats and they can wait an hour or two to be fed.

I am happy for mine to go down to one wet meal (but loads of dry food) a day when we are away to limit the inconvenience to my in-laws. Although FIL is a softie and pops in on them a few times a day.

Some of the comments are so funny. Adult healthy cats can survive on being approximately once every 24 hours.

Perhaps she should invest in the timed feeders or a professional feeder if she can’t cope with her cats having a 3 hour feeding window twice a day.

What you are providing is far less stressful for the cats than a cattery visit.

I agree it's cheeky. You're saving her a fortune. And even professional cat sitters can't guarantee exact times due to other commitments. Not that it matters anyway. Unless her life is extremely predictable, there will be variation in when they get fed due to her getting home from work late, sleeping in, etc etc.

When I started using our current cat feeder, I just said to come when suits her best within reason because ours get their breakfast any time between about 5 and 9 am depending on what's going on in our lives and their afternoon food anytime between 4 pm and even as late as 8/9 pm. They're fine and always have dry food and water.

Unless you really don't mind doing this, I think I would start to become 'unavailable' when she asks and suggest she gets a professional to do it, as it seems like she's started to take you for granted a bit too much.

She is so rude! You have saved her hundreds of pounds and instead of being grateful, she's making more demands of you.

I agree with the previous poster, say you go at the time that fits in with your other commitments, but you understand if she wants to get a professional in instead, then always be 'busy' when she asks you to cat sit in the future.

I'm actually a bit gobsmacked at her. Truly, no good deed goes unpunished.

No cats are going to die if they don't get their food for a couple of hours. Ours get one meal between 7 and 10am and the other between 5 and 8pm.
Maybe ask her why she feels you need to be more rigid in the time of your visits ?

Considering the considerable effort you are making and the absolute fortune you are saving her, I’d just say that as you can’t commit to times, she needs a professional cat sitter.
so rude and ungrateful. No wonder everyone else no longer works for her. She’s using you. Does she help you or treat you to meals out, give presents?

Tell her to use a Cat Mate set at their feeding times and you will call in to wash the bowls and set up, do the litter tray and water and give them a headrub.

I would assume that this is one of the reasons the other people fell away from the task. Remind her that you are doing HER a favour and she is welcome to pay people to turn up at specific times.

I would make sure to be unavailable next time she asks - no big drama just "oh we're away that week too". Let her make other arrangements. Being too available can sometimes lead to you being taken for granted.

Next time she goes away and asks you, tell her you now work out of home so can't catsit anymore.

She is becoming entitled (however polite she is) so I would nip it in the bud.

I wouldn't get into any discussion on how cheeky she is being. I'd just say:

Sorry, I'm afraid that doesn't work for me at all. I'm happy to keep going as it, but I'll understand if you want to get someone else x

We have a neighbour who very kindly feeds our cats if we're away, I have no idea what time she goes in. I also feed hers when she's away and whilst it's generally the same rough time every day I can't guarantee it depending on what I have on. Your friend is being ridiculous, they're cats, they're not going to starve if they don't eat at exactly the same time every day!

She sometimes brings me something back from holiday.

She always makes me a cake for my birthday, and this year gave me quite expensive restaurant vouchers (it was a 'big' birthday).

I might be conveniently unavailable a bit more in future. The problem is she knows I'm always available because, ironically, I don't go away because of my own pets 😂

She's well out of order. If she wants a set time she needs to hire a professional cat sitter. That will cost a fortune and she'll find they won't guarantee an exact time either because it will depend on which other pets they are looking after.
She should be very grateful that you have done this reliably for 6 years, twice a day!
I have cats and I have 3 friends who take turns. I ask them to show up once a day, at a time to suit them, they refill the all-you-can-eat buffet, clean the litter trays, play with the cats and stay for as long as they like. One of them likes to hang around and play with/cuddle the cats so she often stays for 2 hours, makes herself a cup of tea, helps herself to snacks I've left for her and also phones her friends while she's there! One of the other two has a little boy who likes giving the cats treats and playing with them so they often stay for quite a while. And the other one comes in and out in 15 minutes. All fine by me!
They never want paying for what they've done but I give them something every time, sometimes it's cash in hand, or a voucher for the local garden centre or a basket of treats etc.

I would just tell her that you can't commit to a specific time each day and that if she does want that then she'll need to find someone else who can.
She's taking the piss.

Mine is the same but it doesn't hurt him to wait now and again or get fed early as we have exactly the same set up with a neighbour as the OP. Ours definitely knows 6 30am is breakfast time 😂

Love this reply, it’s perfect.

I think my friend feeds her cats at the same time every day.

They have dry kibble and also wet food <boak>

You’re saving her a fortune and even a professional wouldn’t necessarily stick to the same time everyday, it would fit in however makes the most sense amongst their other bookings/day job e.g. our cat sitter is also a part time vet nurse. I’d just say that you’re happy to help out by fitting the cats in around your day but it doesn’t work for you to stick to exact time so next time she’ll need to find someone else. Which is for the best as she’s 100% using you if she doesn’t pay you, doesn’t even consistently get you a thank you, is now trying to order you like an employee and she isn’t even a particularly good friend. Honestly WTAF.

@ACynicalDad nailed it really. She either accepts the terms you're offering or she finds someone else.
You can be nice about it but I'd be firm

Well maybe you should look for a bit of reciprocity - we're thinking of booking a couple of weeks away, would you be OK feeding the pets while were gone?

How is this even an issue? Just say "I'm afraid my schedule won't allow that." Job done.

Well good that she does buy you presents at times.
but I feel there’s a good reason all those other people aren’t helping any more.
And you say she knows you’re available, so I’d tell her it’s not convenient for you . No other explanation needed.
does she ever look after your animals?

One of ours definitely knows when it's 4 pm, which is the earliest time they get their afternoon food. If I'm WFH, he becomes unbearable from that time onwards, jumping all over my desk, such that I will often take a break to feed them, and carry on working afterwards. Shutting him out doesn't work, he'll just bang on the door and yowl.